Don't know if I should go out with ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Don't know if I should go out with ...
9
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:21pm

This is not beachguy. I may have mentioned him before but not really. He's been a friend since July of last year. I'm not really attracted but that's because he doesn't fit my usual type. I know him from the karaoke bar that I go to on occassion. He runs the pool league. So, everytime I go to that bar, I see him. I say hi, but I don't think of him beyond friendship. BUT he asked me to lunch this Saturday. He was there this past friday when beachguy messed with my head. He was one of the people who tried to tell me beachguy was a jerk... He said, "I'm not a jerk. I'll call when I say I'm going to call." So, I gave him my number and he called yesterday. He said what are you doing later. I said, i'm busy. Well, how about Thursday, he asked. I said, um I'm also busy. Then he asked, how about lunch on Saturday. So, I said, I will check to see if I can get a sitter.

Today he texted me "How's ur day?" (He said he has unlimited texting and texts all the time.) I'm not going to reply because I have to pay for texting.

Not sure if I should go. I mean, if I end up not liking him then I've lost a friend. But I've been upfront with him and told him that we're friends. I didn't say that it couldn't or wouldn't become more, but at this point ...who's to say. Physically he's not my type. He's more of a teddy bear and I like the tall and fit. So should I even go on this lunch date or just tell him straight up.... in a nice way.... he's not my type.

Oh, I hate the word type. I feel like I'm being stubborn because I go for the Hot Hot Hot guys and then they turn out to be jerks. But I'm convinced that I'll find a guy I'm physically attracted to AND he will be into ME. I don't want to settle.

Opinions, please.

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:41pm
Hmm...if it was me, I would probably go out with him. He sounds like a really nice guy. And I have found, given the chance, attraction can grow once you get to know the person. And sometimes it doesn't, but I think it's worth a shot. But that is just my opinion. I'm sure you will make the right choice for you.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/219b09

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 3:38pm

Hi Loony - What have you really got to lose? He is a friend but one that you likely only associate with when at that particular bar.... so I say go for it.

I have also only dated the hot hot guys (my aunt used to say "hunka hunka burnin love" types). Not on purpose - that is just the way it has always worked out. Right now I am dating someone who could be described as a teddy bear and I have never been treated better in my life....and yes the attraction is growing each and every day.

I say take a chance on te teddy bear... :)

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:17pm

My opinion would be to go to lunch. It's just a lunch, not a marriage proposal. He may end up not liking you, you may end up liking him a lot, or you both may decide to be friends.

At this point, there's no telling, and besides, who doesn't love lunch?

The hot hot hot guys you seem to go for don't treat you well- probably because you're not the only one who considers them hot hot hot, and they know it. It's a power trip, and an ego boost for them to always have a new girl on the line.
for sure
A nice guy- one who isn't classic hottie material- will be accustomed to using his personality rather than his looks to get through life- and will not only treat you better, but also everyone he comes into contact with.

Whether you go or not, I hope beachguy is completely off your radar, as he really isn't worthy of you.

Moody, who'd be deleting him


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:39pm

I decided to decline lunch with him. If the sparks aren't there and I've known this guy for some time, then I don't imagine a lunch date will make the difference. You asked, what do I have to lose? A Saturday afternoon, that's what...

And I have been attracted to the less hot types.... there was this guy I knew at church for quite a while.... He wasn't too much of a looker but he had such a huge heart. I tried flirting with him or getting a sense or vibe from him. But i guess he was only interested in friendship. He never asked me out but he was always friendly. So, even though he wasn't HOT, I still found something very attractive. And I don't feel that way towards teddy bear guy.

And yes, beachguy is completely off the radar and deleted out of my phone.

I'm thinking of trying online dating for a while as oppose to the bar scene.... but i don't have the internet at home yet.... so we'll see.... But I'll keep getting out there and not discouraged.

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:00pm
I truely believe that there is nothing wrong with NOT settling. Attraction has to be there to get the realationship started. I go for the hot guys too and I've had a few too many let downs, BUT I've had let downs with average looking guys too. I will say lunch will a friend won't hurt but it could give him the wrong idea.... I guess i'm no help....
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:57am
I've always known to go out with the really hot guys. When I first met M, I thought he was cute, but NOT my type. However, the more I got to know him, the more I became attracted to him and now I just think he's extremely sexy. It just took awhile to get over the "not my type". However, if you remember jesus sandals, he's not my type either, but he's a great guy. I just couldn't imagine being with someone that doesn't keep himself clean shaven. So verses the longer hair or no hair, I choose shaved and a goatee. Even though I swore, I would never date someone with facial hair, but at least he doesn't have ear and nose hair to boot (as jesus sandals does). M isn't my type in other physical ways, because I've been all about the total fit guys. However, I am not the excercise guru and realized that I can't expect to have a certain person, if I don't fit that criteria for myself. So I have chosen the teddy bear type with the golden heart, over the guy that preems himself in the mirror and watches what I eat. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 8:44pm

Why not just try one date and see how you feel?

If you said he totally turned you off, I would say, well then, no point in going out. But you only said, "not my type" - and maybe with some one on one time and his attention and conversation something will click?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 8:46pm

This is a great story and example for all of us. I think we all have to think outside "our type" - not that a guy should turn us off as the unclean/unshaven guy with the wierd sandals did for our Cat - but it is okay to be outside the regular box and give someone a chance.

I am voting for this new one, Cat!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:09pm

I'm all for dating outside of one's usual type. Actually, I'm usually against the whole "type" way of thinking... And perhaps that wasn't the right wording for this particular guy and maybe "turned off" is more like it. For me, with this guy, after I gave it some thought I felt less attracted than before (well I was never attracted to begin with....). And found myself getting turned off at the thought of a "date" with him. And I think I was also turned off at his idea of a date.... He invited me to lunch and said the children could come, too. What???? No way!!! My idea of a date is without children.

So, I called him back on Friday to tell him "no thank you." I said, "I only see you as a friend and wouldn't want to give you the wrong impression."