Don't want to ruin a good thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2013
Don't want to ruin a good thing
2
Thu, 08-22-2013 - 10:31am

 My relationship with my son's father ended in June (we were emotionally over long before).  Right now I have no real interest in pursing a serious relationship and want to casually date.  My best male friend and I have been seeing a lot of each other (he has a son and divorced a year ago).  When I say seeing a lot of each other it is usually group outings or party's or sometimes we take our kids to the park etc. We are really close and have been friends for close to 20 years and talk to each other about everything.  We recently had a discussion about causally sleeping together. He hasn't been with anyone since his divorce.  From our very open and frank discussion on the topic I feel like we will both still be good friends after.  I know this may be a weird way to view the situation but in our 20 year friendship this is the first time we both have been single and the opportunity to be intimate is there, I feel like If we don't we will both always wonder "what if".  Before we had the discussion about being intimate I have noticed some sexual tension between us. Not in a bad way but I have been thinking about him sexually a lot.  I would appreciate anyone who has been in a similar situation or has any advice on the matter. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-22-2013 - 10:46am

I think this is a road to the friendship ending.  I can see bad scenarios, like one of you becoming romantically interested in the other one and the other doesn't reciprocate and it causes hard feelings.  this is practically always the woman who develops the romantic feelings (just because of biological hormones and i don't really know that many women who can have sex and completely separate their feelings, plus you are already good friends) and then the man says "well, what are you complaining about?  we agreed just to have casual sex."  Or the other bad ending would be that eventually one of you finds another person that you do want to have a relationship with so you end the FWB and then things are just very awkward.  You can't continue the friendship because now your new SO will be jealous and since you had sex with your friend, you can no longer say "well we have always just been good friends so there's nothing to be jealous about."  Usually boyfriends don't care to have former sex partners hanging around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 09-10-2013 - 1:16pm
Don't do it.If both of you want to have a real relationship...then you should start dating each other and see if it becomes more...if it does..good.Then you are in a healthy decent relationship with someone who has been your friend also for 20yrs and you are committed to each other in that healthy way.'Please don't do the fwb thing..