Don't you love her madly...
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| Sun, 03-04-2007 - 1:12pm |
don't you need her badly, don't you love her ways tell me what you say, don't you love her madly, wanna be her daddy, don't you love her face, don't you love her as she's walking out the door, like she did one thousand times before....
Yesterday was a good day. I worked from very early in the morning until mid-afternoon. Then the princess and I hung out for a while, and Spec called to confirm our date. We had planned to have dinner at his place, and just see from there.
He invited me to go bowling again(luckily I like it) with his sister and her husband after dinner. I was happy to agree, since I do enjoy it, and know that the company would be fun, happy, and lighthearted. It would also be public, and reaffirmed my feeling that he ISN'T only out for sex.
We had dinner at his place, then as we were kissing in the kitchen, his sister called. He told her we were on our way, and so we left. Good thing she called, as things were definitely heating up in that kitchen! Bowling was fun- I broke 100 for the first time ever! It was just the four of us this time, which was actually nice, since I had a chance to chat more with his sister and BIL. They are a lot of fun, and obviously crazy about each other and Spec. They aren't at all shy about their feelings for others, and it's a demonstrative family.
After bowling, we stopped at a little bar that had karaoke... Spec knew his parents might be there, and when he asked me if I'd like to stop, I was a little apprehensive. Meeting someone's sister is fine, but his parents? I wasn't too sure about it, since it seems like a major step. I finally said, "well, singing karaoke is fun, sure, let's stop" he wasn't pressuring me to, at all, and left the decision totally up to me- but he did say, "I'd like for you to meet my parents, and I know they'd like to meet you. They invited us to dinner, but I told them we already had other plans"...hmmmm
We did stop, though, and as soon as we walked in the door, the entire place- literally- greeted him. He might've been Norm on Cheers. It was odd for me, since even though I think I'm close to my family, and do have a couple of haunts where I might know a few people on any given night, it isn't ever like that for me. It wasn't at all uncomfortable, just this really relaxed atmosphere where everyone knows everyone else. It's a small town, and I'm from a small town, so I could easily grasp the flavor, and enjoyed it more than I would had we stayed in the city we were bowling in.
Not only were his parents there, but also three aunts, their husbands, another uncle, and some assorted cousins. It's VERY obvious this is a close family, since he said often on a Saturday night, you could find any number of his relatives singing karaoke. Obviously the other half enjoys bowling, since that's where I met a whole bunch of others. They could sing, too! A couple of them were drinking, but it was definitely more about the atmosphere than the booze, which is how I feel about bars and drinking, too. The entire bar was sort of like that- they sell a lot of food, and some people drink, but no one is there to get drunk, there were no hostile vibes, people were just having a good time. It was definitely my kind of place.
So, when Spec introduced me, he said to the group (who took up half the room), "everyone, this is Moody".. then he started telling me who was who and how they were related, which I knew I'd never remember, but his mom's brothers, his dad's sister... both sides were represented, and everyone was welcoming... one aunt immediately introduced herself, saying "Moody, so good to finally meet you, I'm Auntie Linda, but you just call me Auntie." Wow. Ok. Finally?! Obviously they've heard my name before.
Throughout the night, Auntie made several comments in regard to what a great catch Spec was, and how cute I was, and that we were beautiful together. Hmmm. Spec's mom, who was slightly more reserved than the effervescent and gregarious Auntie, commented at one point, "Auntie, leave the poor girl alone, she's probably overwhelmed by all of us, and since she's a keeper, we don't want to scare her off before Spec gets a chance to really latch on."
This family holds nothing back!
At one point or another in the evening, every single member of Spec's family, the owner of the bar, and the guy running the karaoke all mentioned to me that it was nice to meet me (several finally's thrown in there), Spec was a keeper, I was a keeper, we looked good together, and/or something very similar. Not at all what I'm used to, since although I always thought my family was close, these people were obviously best friends, and obviously up to date on the goings-on in each other's lives.
Spec sang several songs, we sang one together, danced a bunch of times, and really just had a good time. One thing that was new, but not bad, to me was that he's very demonstrative. During bowling and throughout the rest of the evening, he would hold my hand, rub my back, just a lot of casual touching in general. His parents (who live two houses down from Spec) left a while before we did, and Auntie and I were dancing while Spec was singing when they said their goodbyes. Instead of simply waving, shaking my hand, whatever people normally do when they say goodbye to virtual strangers, both of his parents hugged me goodbye, and his mother said as she was hugging me, "it was wonderful meeting you, I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other." Whoa!!!
It isn't that that sentiment's unwelcome, really... just that obviously she knows her son, and we haven't even had that conversation yet. We're dating. He's exclusive- right now, he says. But must be him bringing people to meet his family tells them that he's serious about it. I don't know, really, how I feel about that.
His mother and I had been singing along throughout the night to songs, and some of the people there weren't nearly as good as his family- it's obvious that music, all types, is a big part of their lives. Yet another thing to like about him. But she and I had had a couple of light conversations about music, the people singing, etc... nothing heavy or major, really.
As we were leaving, we agreed to give an uncle a ride back to Spec's parents' house, since it was just down the road. Spec actually asked me if it would be okay- which thought was sweet, but kind of crazy- of course we could drive his uncle, why would that not be ok??
I insisted that the uncle ride in the front of Spec's truck, and as we were driving, the uncle said to Spec, "I know she's way too young for me, but do you think I can keep her?" We all laughed, and Spec replied, "I don't know, Unc, I think I might want to." So we dropped him off, and the two of them had filled me in on who lives where, how the family farm had been broken up between the siblings years and years ago, and who all of the neighbors were, and where all of the cousins lived.... again, another sign that this is an extremely close family, in proximity and in relationships.
We got back to Spec's house, talked a little, and enjoyed some behind-closed-doors entertainment of our own. This morning, at about 6:30, Spec woke up, and started chatting. We were both sleepy, but he offered to make breakfast, let me shower, loan me some sweats to wear home. Very sweet. I declined the offer of breakfast, since I knew I didn't have a lot of time before I needed to pick the princess up from my mom's. At about 9, my cell rang, and it was my parents' ringer.
I had left my phone in my purse in his kitchen, so he was headed to get a glass of water anyhow, and I asked him to bring it to me. He brought just my phone, rather than my entire purse, so I jokingly said, "Gee, just because your family liked me doesn't mean we're at the stage where you're allowed to go through my purse!" I knew my phone had been in its own little pocket on the outside of my purse, so it wasn't like he had breached any spacial boundaries, and he replied "It isn't just my family that likes you, you know."
We both agreed that living so far away from each other (it took me just about exactly an hour to get to his house) was a major hurdle to more regular dates and getting to a place where we knew we wanted to be in a relationship. The other thing we agreed was that the children issue would have to be discussed before we got to that point. After meeting his family, it's patently obvious that family is the absolute most important thing in their lives.
I can see, if you were raised in a family like his, how children would be very important to a guy. Just before I left this morning, he touched on the subject as I was getting dressed. He said, "You know, just because I do definitely want children of my own doesn't mean that I couldn't love children that weren't mine just as much as I loved my own." We had been talking about our plans for the day (me to hang out with my children, him to hang out on his own.), and so it was a little out of the blue.
I was feeling just a little melancholy, since I'd had a wonderful time, but knew it would be a while before we see each other again, and was a little sad that the night was over. I know it's crazy, but sometimes, it just feels right. So, I thought I was hiding the melancholia well, and we were just having a simple chat when he brought up the kids thing. I knew I was really on my way out, and it wasn't the time to get into such a long discussion, nor are we ready for that yet. Or at least, I'm not. So I said "Well, even though I think I don't want any more kids, I know a lot of people who thought that and changed their minds. I haven't completely ruled out any possibilities yet, but I'm not saying I will definitely change my mind, either." We sort of left it at that, I kissed him goodbye and he walked me to the door.
He called about three minutes after I left his house, ostensibly to make sure I knew how to get back home. I'm sure he really just wanted to make sure I was okay with everything- which I am and was, since the directions are the absolute simplest. It's basically one road all the way. I kept that conversation light and short, and he said he'd call later.
So, at one point during the night's conversations- before we got back to his house, he brought up how quickly things had moved physically between us. I agreed, but then quoted QueenBun when I said "You can have amazing sex with someone without getting too attached initially." He said, "yes, you can, but if you're getting attached, find nothing you don't like about the person, AND have great sex, why would you stop yourself from getting attached?" My reply was that it took time to really know a person beyond chemistry, which was often immediate. I noted that since we'd both been in LTRs that didn't pan out, obviously this was true.
I'm trying very hard not to rush into things emotionally with Spec. I wholeheartedly agree with Queen that you CAN have sex and not get too attached. I am often able to do that- even if the sex is great! But, even though I know we don't truly know each other yet, I can definitely see myself wanting more with him and it has absolutely nothing to do with the wonderful sex. He's simply very likeable.
I know some people would have issues with SUCH a close family, but it's very important to me that any man I get involved in a relationship with has a good relationship with his family. I also know that I really like his family so far, which is also important to me. I like the fact that he's not only willing to sing karaoke, he's happy to, loves to dance, go bowling, is willing to try other things... he's not a wall-fly, which melds perfectly with me, since I definitely am not, either, and it's no fun for me to be out with a guy who only ever sits there or wants to watch a movie all the time. I like the fact that he's good at making plans, but willing to leave some wiggle room, or change them. Someone who is strident about planning and organziation wouldn't be good for me, since I'm definitely not.
I'm scared right now that the time and distance between us is going to be a huge hurdle we can't overcome. We are both busy, we do each have our own things going on, and we are both looking to settle into a relationship ultimately culminating in marriage. Can two people with a common goal (marriage) reach that goal together if they rarely have time to see each other? I'm not sure.
I also know I shouldn't be thinking so far ahead. I AM enjoying this for what it is, but realistically, I know that I need to think ahead, even if just in generalities, since there's no point in our spending any time trying to get to know one another better if logistically it wouldn't work out. I'm not unwilling to eventually move, but there's no way I could ever commute to work from his house- it would be a nearly two hour drive one way. Likewise for him. Right now, the kids issue isn't nearly as big to me as the distance one. He seems to be the opposite of that, which is okay for now.
Things will either continue to progress or they won't. Either way, I'm enjoying myself immensely when I do see him, and the amount of contact is good. I'm not good at all at being patient, but look where that's got me so far.
As always, comments, concerns, words of wisdom are welcome and appreciated!
Moody, looking for the walls that should be around her heart

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The distance may be a good thing with a guy like Spec. It gives you some space, and time to slow things down. If he lived 5 minutes away it might be too intense for you so early on and you'd burn out very quickly.
Moody,
I do like that he introduces you to his family and appears to be VERY "into you". And it doesn't sound like he has a history of a string of relationships like that. Which is very good. While it seems a little bit too much too fast too soon, I have seen my friends encounter this in real life with good outcomes when the family part is present.
I also know that when you have to go so long without seeing each other, that when you do, you do tend to want to make up for lost time and when it is a little far away you want to make time spent together worth while. This is probably one of the setbacks to having someone be an hour away.
His family is just hilarious! I mean, it is like you were on stage - and for some reason I am finding that most amusing and cute.
I do agree with Queenbun that YOU choose when to fall in love. And that you can have amazing sex with someone you are not in love with - that is a most valid point. And I think you just need time to have perspective on all of this. Time tells all. So don't feel pressured or think too much - just enjoy it. Make sure you are having a say and don't feel like you got swept out to sea.
An hour is not as ideal as being closer. But it is not impossible. And in this case it may just be a good thing to keep you two slow. Are you worried that one of you will have to move and cannot? Or are you worried that it impedes a more casual and frequent pace of dating?
As for the kids thing, you are still young and did mention or hint that you could be persuaded. If you had a man whom you dearly love, who loves you, and who was really into family and his family was really supportive it might be something you would want to do. You don't have to decide that now. Time can change many things including the desire to have children and something makes me want to say don't close that door.
I think he is worth the time to see where it goes. I think this has sort of taken you by surprise - and that can be good. He sounds like such a nice guy from what you write here. And the fact that he and his family love family and music the same as you is quite good.
I hope this helps you a bit. I just want to see you happy!! I want that for all of us.
Just so I have this straight - are you two now officially exclusive? I was not sure because to me it sounded like he wants to be but you are not sure?
Well, he says he's exclusive- he actually said on a couple of different occassions that he isn't interested in seeing other people, and before we had sex the first time, I made it clear that I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else if I was sleeping with him, and expected the same in return. I am technically exclusive, since I'm not currently dating anyone else, but that's really only because I have no interest right now, and doesn't actually have a lot to do with Spec specifically. I think he knows this- that I still will feel free to date others if I feel like it, but I won't be having sex with anyone else. I don't really have a repsonse for him when he brings this up, since dating other people isn't something I want to discuss with him, and while I'm not currently, I don't want to close that door for good. He says he's not interested in seeing other people, but his profile is still active on Match, so obviously he's not not interested in the possibility. I have removed mine, for reasons unrelated to him. I have no reason to think he's seeing other people, and it was quite obvious that he hasn't introduced anyone else to his family in quite some time, and then it was a long term relationship.
It's funny about the kids thing- I have been hesitant to say this out loud to anyone, but I could see myself having more kids (gasp!!). Both times I have been pregnant, I was in tumultuous relationships that were doomed long before the pregnancy. I didn't enjoy being pregnant at all, since instead of feeling like my impending motherhood was a blessing and resultant of my love for someone, I felt as if it were a burden (especially financially) and proof that birth control didn't work. Now, *if* I fall in love with someone, and he wants more kids, I could see myself having more. Not that I'm feeling the urge right now, but I could see it happening. I haven't told Spec this, since he's a little over the top, and if that's the only reason why he's hesitating, I will use it to keep things from careening wildly out of control.
I spoke for a long time with a girlfriend today about all of this. She was very insightful- my fears are simply based on the lack of control I'm feeling right now. In EVERY other relationship I've ever been in, I was the one who controlled the speed, the tone, and the feelings involved. I've never really done it on purpose, but I like being in control, and chose to date/marry men who were willing to let me have the reins. Since these were not good relationships, obviously this isn't what I should be doing.
I definitely am strong enough as a person that I can and will always manage my life reasonably well. But turning over the control on any little aspect has always been very hard for me, and Spec is also a strong enough person who knows what he wants... I'm unaccustomed to dating a guy who doesn't just let me plan everything, take the lead, and isn't content to sit back and enjoy the ride. For what it's worth, I've always been the one to end every relationship, and have never really been in love.
The thought that I could be- not with Spec necessarily, but in general, scares the crap out of me. Being in love would mean making concessions. My friend also pointed out the fact that my aimless dating has nothing to do with the men, really, and everything to do with the fact that I'm waiting for every little thing to work out perfectly. This one lives too far away, that one doesn't call enough, the other one calls too much... it's really about my need for control and my unwillingness to bend on many, many issues. I've always been an absolute person- once my mind's made up, it's very hard for me to change it, and I rarely do second chances. It's simply a part of who I am. But the odds of finding someone I can spend the rest of my life with who fits every single little qualification I have and us having a relationship that lasts forever without either of us having to compromise are pretty slim.
This absolute way of thinking isn't always a good thing, though, since I could be overlooking the love of my life simply because I think about the logistics of moving, or melding families, or he makes more money than I'm comfortable with. Talking to my friend really helped me see that sometimes there is a grey area- and that I need to risk hurt, failure, and my heart in order to truly feel anything. It's been very easy to go through life without falling in love so far, since I'm incredibly guarded about my feelings, and even in long term relationships I stay detached.
Spec frightens me because his personality is as strong as mine- and he wouldn't accept detachment. He is very expressive, both verbally and physically. He is also demonstrative, something he obviously learned from his family, and while I'm not uncomfortable with it, it's new and unfamiliar to me. He's able to adequately communicate, which I'm good at too, so neither of us would be running the entire show completely on our own. He's proving himself to be ready willing and able to take control when that's what he needs to do, but he's more fleixble than I am.
The biggest thing for me right now regarding our distance is that yes, I can see how it's forcing us to go somewhat slowly- definitely more slowly than we would be were we closer to each other. That's a good thing at this point. But looking ahead, occassional weekend dates and a relationship based mostly on phone and IM conversations are all that we have to look forward to unless one of us moves. While I can enjoy what we have for all it is right now, we are both looking to be married. Moving itself isn't so much a problem, I know lots of people move much further away than one of us would have to. I also think for love, people are willing to do lots of things they wouldn't normally consider. But my thinking right now is that I'm not sure we'll ever really be able to get to know one another well enough to know if we should make that jump. Also, let's say I did the moving... I'd have to change jobs, uproot my children, and I'd be much further from my parents and family and friends than I ever have. If he did the moving, the same scenario applies, except he has no children to uproot, but he owns his home, and I rent.
My girlfriend also tells me not to worry about those things, to stop thinking that far ahead, since things always work out when both people love each other, want them to and are committed to making a relationship work. She tells me to enjoy what we have now, and his obvious interest, and simply see if anything more develops. I agree with her and you in theory, but it's an issue I haven't ever had to deal with. Normally, I wouldn't even consider getting to know someone as far away as Spec, and I certainly wouldn't be thinking as seriously about it as I am him.
You're right about this taking me by surprise- I had to call my girlfriend on the way to our first date so she could talk me into even finishing the drive and enjoying dinner! I really didn't think Spec would be someone I was into. That theory was blown out of the water, and every development since then has only served to prove me wrong at every turn. I'm incredibly surprised that so far I haven't found one thing about him personally that I dislike. He hasn't revealed to me any character flaws that I can't deal with, and that's unusual for me. Typically there's something, even if it's minor, about a man that I'm just unsure of long before date three.
It isn't that I'm unwilling to see what possibilities lie in life, it's just that I'm usually in charge of what's happening, and there's very little room for loss of control or getting hurt in my way of thinking. But again, my way of thinking hasn't exactly served me well to date. Perhaps I should clarify that Spec isn't demanding control, either. He's simply as strong a personality as I am, and I'm feeling a little out of control all on my own. These feelings are foreign to me, since I usually have everything under control.
Moody, who's comfortable holding the reins
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Don't panic, girl! Gosh you are very much like me, 20 years ago. Not to say I've stopped being a rational in control kind of person, I've just learned that it is OK to let go sometimes- especially where love and sex are concerned. Letting go of being in control will be hard, yet letting go is key to falling in love. Just take your time, if Spec is meant to be the one to get you to take that leap, you will figure that out. It is good that you can see he is willing to take responsibility and to discuss things rather than fight over who is going to make decisions. This guy is sounding better and better.
Glad you have a close friend who can get you to see yourself from another perspective.
The distance thing is what it is, only time will tell if it is too big a hurdle. People do work that stuff out, but it really is too early to stress about it. Stop analyzing, just enjoy being with a guy who you obviously have a lot of fun with. You are 25, so much time ahead of you.
I have to laugh, I thought I'd NEVER want to have kids, then at 25 I suddenly thought it was a great idea. And I sooo love that M can and does take control from time to time. I am tired of ALWAYS being the one who has to be responsible.
I just realized, for the first time in my life I really feel safe with a guy, safe enough to really let go, and maybe that's why the sex is so good.
I think you are just like many of us - that you didn't realize that half the love seat has to be taken up by someone else who sees you as the right one for him and who wants and is capable of filling up their duties for the other half. Perhaps you spent all your energy trying to do everything and to convince him and prod him to take up half his seat and see you as the good thing. It just doesn't work - I have crashed and burned on this as well.
The good thing about Spec is that his window, and even that of his family so far, sees you as being good for him and what he wants. We all have absolutely NO control over that and cannot convince someone that we are good. They just have to see it that way on their own. And when this happens, coupled with the fact that they do not have big red flags for behavior, emotional troubles, bad habits or addictions, then we soar. As MsClemmy and Queenbun have both found out from what they write.
So, my dear, you are sitting in the passenger seat for now - and you will see where this wonderful adventure takes you.
Enjoy the ride!! :-)
Wow, what a wonderful time!!!
I understand how you feel... Here's how I would feel.... I'd be so overwhelmed and I'd be wondering if it's too good to be true. Everything you've written sounds wonderful. I love karaoke and you obviously like music, too. The fact that his family is sooo close...I'd love to meet a guy like that....
Enjoy the moment and don't think too much. I know I'd be almost afraid to believe how wonderful things could be... I know for me, I've been at "phase one" in dating (just the meet/greet, first date and that's it) for so long.... I dont' remember what the other phases are like and wonder if I could handle it.... But don't worry about that... Spec sounds wonderful, his family sounds great and you are a great person.... so enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
Love,
LB
You're all right. I need to enjoy this, allow myself to be open to possibilities without worrying too much about what *might* happen, and concentrate instead on what is happening.
Spec IMed me today, but I was busy at work, and kept it short. We chatted about the weather, work, simple things.
One funny thing- I told him I thought I had left my earrings at his house, and he replied "Are they the silver hoops?" So I said, "How many pairs of earrings do you have at your house? ;-)" And his reply was "LOL, good point, just yours. I saw them after you left, sorry you forgot them, but now I will think of you everytime I see them." Cute.
Tonight he just called, and the first thing he said was "Were you all right when you left yesterday?" I wanted to take that opening to tell him that I'm feeling a little like this might be futile, and that scares me since I do like him, and he is very open about everything, and I haven't ever learned how to be..... BUT what I said was, "I was fine, why wouldn't I have been?" He said it just seemed like something was wrong, and that he was feeling a little blue since he knew it would be a while before he saw me again. Ugh. Exactly what I was feeling, but I didn't tell him that, instead I said that I simply wasn't a morning person and hadn't had much sleep all weekend and hadn't had any coffee, so maybe I was a little grumpier than normal.
We then mutually changed the subject to the fact that we're both night owls, talked about our days at work and just some general chitchat. I ended the conversation since I had to deal with the kids and knew he had to get back to work.
So, even though I did *want* to bring up the distance thing, the children thing, the bigger issues, and even though he gave me a great opening, I didn't get into it and played it off like it was nothing. I guess I need to get better at hiding my feelings, since he picked up on them when I thought I was playing it cool and being nonchalant.
It isn't that I want to hide things from him, or that I don't want to tell him, really, but even I think I'm thinking too much, and besides, no one needs to know all of my thoughts. Well, you guys do, but that's why you're here- so I can spill my guts to you and not him.
Anyhow, nothing major, just that...
Moody, turning off her brain now
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>>So, even though I did *want* to bring up the distance thing, the children thing, the bigger issues, and even though he gave me a great opening, I didn't get into it and played it off like it was nothing.<<
I kinda picked up on something (sorry about needing to share my two cents).... I'm impressed that HE shared how he felt and I'm gonna be honest, I think you missed an opportunity to express yours as well. Perhaps you didn't have to get into a long conversation but you could have said anything other than "oh nothing." I think honesty is important even if you simply say your processing and will talk about it the next time you see him... See, they pick up when somethings wrong anyway so we might as well be honest. And it probably drives guys nuts when they ask what's wrong and we say "nothing"... then some time down the road it all comes out and hits them from left field... get what I'm saying... So, my opinion is that you shouldn't try to hide better but try to be more open.
Love ya,
Loonybunny
ps. and i might need that same advice down the line,too. but that's what expect from you all is honesty. thanks.
I think that the next time you are together or even having a good phone conversation you should discuss the distance thing. I think that he was wanting to know if you missed him as much as he misses you and if you are okay with it.
You should let him know that while the distance is not optimal, it is a blessing to keep you both slow and where there is a will, there is a way. You do miss him but you hope it doesn't come between you. And time does go by fast during the week.
My parents lived 1.5 hours apart - and they grew up in an era without cell phones, email, internet, text messaging, stuff like that. And they dated and got married and are nearing their 50th.
I also think you should ask him about match.com
Keep the info flowing - know where you are at. Because the mind usually thinks something much worse is going on than really is.
I think you can bring up the kid discussion too - that you would be open to it with the right person - at least you did say that here. But that is something way off in the distance. I don't think you should lump that with the distance thing. To me, the distance thing is an annoyance - but more of a here and now annoyance. And you have to deal with these things one at a time.
LB, I guess I think you're right. Not that I *want* you to be right, but sometimes we have to face the facts.
Perhaps I should have said how I was really feeling. I have absolutely no trouble expressing my hopes, fears, wishes, needs, desires, to anyone... except to a man I think I could fall for.
The reason I never have fallen for anyone probably ties into this, since by holding back me feelings from the beginning, I'm able to hold them back forever. Not at all the right thing to do in order to have an emotionally healthy relationship, and I will work on being less guarded.
It's a baby step for me, but when he got home from work, he IMed me, and we chatted for a minute about how crazily cold it was, then I was singing the praises of my woodstove. He then said "So does that mean if you ever have to move, you'll take it with you?" I said "I'm sure at some point I'll move, and no, I won't take it with me, since it's pretty stinkin' heavy and my landlord probably wouldn't like it."
He then said, who knows, maybe the place I move to will have one, or a fireplace, and will be better insulated. His house has a fireplace, and he just added more insulation. This could have been coincidence, or he could have been alluding to something... maybe trying to guage my reaction? I could be thinking too much, too, but what I said was, "you're right, anything's possible. I'm just glad I have the woodstove tonight."
We changed the subject, but I was proud of myself for not closing the door if he had been trying to guage my reaction, and still not thinking too too much about all of this. I'm just going to see where it goes, and I think he's the type who will force me to let my guard down somewhat, simply because he won't accept someone who is lukewarm or overly guarded.
LB, thank you for sharing your two cents, that's why I post here! Obviously in all these years I have been doing something wrong, or at least not quite right, and perhaps letting my guard down will be a good thing for me. I am sure I'll need constant reminders to actually do it, though!
Moody, a little less guarded in theory
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