Doormat no more!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Doormat no more!!!
19
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 6:52pm

The saga of the disappearing man has really had me thinking. Before he blew me off, he suggested to me that I let my kids walk all over me and that I spend too much time thinking about what I SHOULD do versus what I WANT to do (i.e. people pleasing). So, in spite of the fact that I think he's an A$#%&LE, there were some merits to his comments.

I have done a couple of things lately that I hope will make me a much happier person and maybe, if I am lucky, meet a DECENT man.

First, I read the riot act to my teens. I love them to death, but I have let them be SO lazy. I hate when I come home after working two jobs (since their father flakes on CS) and there are dishes all over and piles of laundry and they just watch me clean. NO MORE. It was so much easier to just do everything for them rather than fight since our time is limited. But they take advantage and need to learn that it isn't right. So far I'm holding my ground, and they are not happy, but we're getting there.

Second, I am getting the state after my ex. He won't live up to his obligations, and I try to appease him and see it from his point of view to keep the peace, but he just takes advantage and gives me money in dribs and drabs and acts like he's doing me a favor.

Third, I am only going to have people in my life who are nice to me. No more putting up with cranks who want me to act and behave a certain way.

Fourth, I know everyone says I shouldn't do it, but I'm gonna. I am going to call the disappearing man. I don't even want him to pick up the phone, but I want to speak to his VM so that I can hear the words coming out of my mouth. I am going to tell him that what he did was mean, rude, and disrespectful and for a man who would talk about how others had hurt him or were mean, how exactly does he think that this doesn't hurt someone else? By ignoring me, he is saying that I meant nothing to him, and that is a really mean thing to do to someone.

I don't have any expectations of hearing from him. Why do I have to get his permission to get closure? By sitting back and doing nothing, I continue to wonder. This way, for me at least, I have the last word.

I am on a tear, ladies. Big changes are on the way, thanks to y'all!!!!

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 7:40pm

I admire anyone who can make and stick to such big

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:30pm

I admire anyone who can make and stick to such big

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:56pm

I am learning to be the queen of creative penalties ie. if a chore isn't done and I have to ask again, I will give a 2nd chore - that type of thing

Ohhh I LIKKKE that one. S17 look out. My logical consequence of choice is no computer. He knows I'll follow through so eventually he'll do what i've asked. sometimes though it just bugs me that I have to be the shrew.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 9:31pm
I like that idea, too. Doubling, tripling...that'll learn 'em.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 10:18pm
yessss I am seeing results now from several times of them having to do a 2nd chore - it works and hey the last time I did it I even was able to turn it around and both of us even able to laugh about it

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 11:14pm

Yay for getting everything in place in your life! What a great thing, setting boundaries. I wish I'd learned to do more of it when I was MUCH younger. But better later than never, that's for sure!


> My son washed pot without being asked! <


That one just made me laugh. I know what you meant- but my mind just thought "you guys are working some weed in your house?" LOL

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:14pm

That one just made me laugh. I know what you meant- but my mind just thought "you guys are working some weed in your house?" LOL

How do you think we survive on a school teachers salary and CS that comes in dribs and drabs? Sales! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 9:11pm
You should watch the series on Showtime called Weeds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 9:32pm
I've only seen bits and pieces of that show, but that did come to mind!

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