Down on the Corner, By the Traffic Light
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 12:21am |
Everybody's lookin' as she goes by. They turn their heads and they watch her 'til she's gone. Lord, have mercy, baby's got her blue jeans on.
So, Double D and I went to see George Carlin tonight. We met at work, I picked him up, actually. He's been the one to drive to our other two dates, but he was just finishing his shift tonight, and my car was already warm, so we just decided to take mine instead. It was odd driving with any passenger in the front seat, but especially a man! (My kids are both young enough that they're always in the back still.) Since he drives for a living through the city we were in, and I am not what you'd call a professional driver (unless maybe you're thinking Indy car racing), I expected him to be nervous riding with me. He made absolutely no backseat driving type comments, though, didn't grip the door handle or wince or flinch, and in fact, complimented me on my parking skills. Bonus points for him!
When he first got in my car, he said "hi. You look fabulous. it smells great in here- is it an air freshener or you?" GREAT way to start the evening off! (it was me, by the way- I don't have an air freshener in my car) So, we went to see George Carlin, he made us laugh, we made each other laugh, and we had a great time.
We parked in the downtown parking garage and had to walk a couple of blocks to the theater, and he repeated again that I looked great- and made specific comments about my appearance. When the show was over, as we were walking back, he suggested grabbing a bite to eat at a local diner. Actually, he suggested several places slightly more upscale than that, but this town shuts down on Sundays at about 7, and it was going for 9:30, so the diner was pretty much our only option, unless we wanted to go to a bar.
I was surprised by the fact that he suggested it- I know he has to be up by 4am tomorrow morning, but I was more than happy to extend our time together! In fact, I mentioned his early start, and he said he was fine, as long as my sitter would be cool with it. Since I hadn't been entirely sure how long the show would last, the sitter had planned on staying until 11, so we had plenty of time to get something to eat.
We laughed and talked our way through an appetizer and split a piece of pie a la mode, which was fun and slightly flirty and tasted very good. I was concerned that he didn't eat a real dinner, mostly because I knew he literally got out of work and into my car, but I didn't mention it. HE said to me, "have you eaten dinner- we can eat for real if you want to", but I had eaten.
So, we finished eating, had another cup of coffee, and stretched out our time a little longer than necessary. I drove back to work, where his car was, and we continued talking. A couple of times, I felt like he was going to initiate "the talk" (where are we, where are we going, where do we want to go), but he didn't, and I'm enjoying him and his company and the things we've done together. I don't need to label it, or talk about it (well, with you guys and my girlfriends, I need to, but not with him) since I'm enjoying myself. If he had actually begun the conversation, I would have listened to what he said before I made any comments.
Part of me wonders if we're so busy making each other laugh- the conversation literally never lags, and we're both cracking up the whole time we're together- makes it difficult for us to have a semi-serious talk. We do talk about important things- work eithic, school, my kids, his family... but not about US.
I am still sort of haphazardly doing OLD... by that I mean, I check my messages, weed out just about everyone, and respond to a couple of emails every three or four days. The Italian from this summer (we met through OLD, met for coffee, went on a couple of lunch dates, but it never went anywhere) called me out of the blue Friday night and we chatted... but here's the thing. I didn't not like the Italian, there weren't any red flags, or anything.... I wasn't repulsed by him (although there was no real physical contact, just casual touching on both our parts), but I also never felt the desire to go out of my way to see him. He asked me if I was busy today, and since I already had plans with Double D, I told him I was busy, but I wouldn't have wanted to go to the effort of finding a sitter on a Sunday night to see the Italian, anyhow.
I definitely am willing to go out of my way to see Double D, but as for everyone else, it just seems like a lot of work at this point. Does that mean I'd want to be exclusive with Double D? I don't know. From the way he talks (he regularly tells me his schedule, and what he did and with whom, and it doesn't seem like he'd have time), I have deduced that he isn't seeing anyone else, but we've only had three dates. Neither of us has broached the subject, and so far, that's okay. If he were seeing someone else, at this point I'd be okay with it, since technically I'm still exploring my dating options (even if the options so far have't seemed all that attractive), and I couldn't very well not want him to date other people.
The only thing that wasn't perfect about tonight was the lack of... anything physical. There was some casual touching, and when our arms brushed on the armrest or our legs in the theater, neither of us pulled away, but that was about it. No good-night kiss. Not that I made any moves, either, (mostly because I don't know how without feeling way too exposed- what if he doesn't want to kiss me?!) but there was a moment when we were in my car where neither of us said anything for a minute. I thought it might happen, but then he said, "I'm so tired, but I'm really glad we did this I had a great time. Have a good night, I'll see you tomorrow", so I simply said "I had a great time, too, drive carefully" and he got out of the car.
He did say he was glad I thought of this, and that he had a great time. The chemistry is there, we kissed and a whole lot more on NYE, and I know he was being genuine when he was complimenting me on my looks. So, what the heck? I'm all for going slow and I know it was only our third date, but I just am wondering now if he's looking for an activities partner, respects me and wants to make sure I'm on board (am I giving the right signals?), or just isn't into me romantically.
I know the only way to find out is give it more time. I also know that the conversation never lacks, we make each other laugh, and there was a lot of direct eye contact throughout the night.
One of George Carlin's bits was about how people do NOT want to hear about your kids, and he was very funny about it. So on the walk up to the diner, we were talking about my daughter taking ballet on the same street, and I jokingly said "But people don't want to hear about my kids"... Double D's reply was "I do. George Carlin is funny, but he doesn't know how everyone feels about everything." He was very sincere.
Another thing that I liked was I offered to pay at the diner, (he paid for his ticket, and the concessions- which he picked out for me, and it was exactly what I'd have gotten for myself, so obviously he pays attention, I paid for my ticket and drove), and he said "I know sitters are expensive, and I feel badly that you always have to get one, so I've got this." He's very good at showing that he pays attention, in an offhanded way, not like "see, I listened, I deserve a cookie!", but rather, "I care, and I'm attentive because of that"- but I've never mentioned money or sitters or having to plan for dates. He just seems to get it, which is remarkable since he has no children.
One specific thing, is that he's always called, a couple of days, then the day before, then the day of, to confirm our dates. I hadn't heard from him on the timing and specifics, so yesterday afternoon, I called him. I got his voice mail and left a casual message, "hey Double D, it's Moody, just calling to make sure we were still on for tomorrow night, give me a call" kind of thing. He never called back, but then today called on his lunch break to confirm. he said "hi, just wanted to make sure you were still on for tonight." I said yes, and asked if he got my message. Turns out, he never got it. He apologized for that, and then apologized again when we were on the way to the theater. he said, "Did you call off your parents or ask someone else to go with you, thinking I wasn't going to show? I am sincerely sorry, I don't want you to think I wouldn't reurn your call for an entire day!" It was just one of those perfectly sincere comments that showed he listened (my parents were my sitter on NYE, but not tonight, although he wouldn't have known that) but he wasn't sappy about it- something I find incredibly unattractive in a man. I don't like men to let me call all of the shots or walk all over them. Be a man, for crying out loud!
I know I'm rambling, but I guess the gist of it is that all in all it was a great time. There were only casual references to another time, or next time, so we have no definite plans. I will try very hard to wait for him to approach me, since this date was my idea. I don't know what he wants from me (or anyone, for that matter), but he has said he's ready to be in a relationship. I know I am. Now I guess we just figure out if a relationship with each other is something we both want, and then the same type of relationship on top of that. A kiss would be great, too!
I don't want to be throwing myself at him, but I want him to get that I'm interested. I'm finding myself questioning his level of being into me, although I think at this point, he's probably about where I am. Unsure.
So, thoughts, ideas, comments, anything, ladies?
Moody, whose kisser wasn't tonight

Hello from a regular reader, and very erratic poster,
I just had to reply to you, Moody, because the situation with Double D is so similar to what happened at the beginning with my SO and me... lots of kisses and cuddles the first time, then three or four dates with nothing physical, really "getting to know you" stuff. I went through a lot of mixed emotions at the time - happy that we were getting to know each other cautiously, but wondering why he didn't grab my hand, put an arm around me - wondering if he found me unattractive. 17 months down the road, after taking everything at a good slow pace, he moved in with us last October and, at last, I have the family I always wanted. My two wonderful little ones and a man I love and who loves us all.
Double D sounds really lovely. I think it is more a case of him being a real gentleman, rather than him not wanting to kiss you, or take things further. If he didn't find you attractive, no way would he have gone beyond the first date. The next kiss, when it comes, will be worth the wait... it really seems like it is just a question of time. It's early days, but he certainly is doing everything right. And it sounds as if it is all sincere too. It's no less than you deserve.
Can't wait to read the follow-up. Feeling starry-eyed just thinking about it.
Clem xx
Wow Clem - what a nice note - I agree with what you write and could not say it better.
We look forward to more Moody and Double D stories!! I know they are going to come in time.
Thank you so much for posting this! I am happy that you've found your SO, it's so wonderful to hear about women who hold out for the right one and find him!
It also helps me personally to know that other women have been through this with very similar circumstances, and that it has worked out well for them.
Clem, thank you!
Moody, less starry eyed today, but calmer, too
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It sure sounds as though you two have chemistry--good conversation, comfort level....but I would find it confusing not to go forward with at least a kiss. I wonder if you need to be a little more obvious. Some men need a lot of encouragement (much to our chagrin if the feelings aren't reciprocated). I'm afraid I don't remember about NYE w/ you 2, because I had just joined...., but it sounded like something affectionate happened?
I don't think I have the patience of a lot of people here, but I'm working on it.
good luck
Mary
I'll second that! Looking forward to more Moody and Double D stories too!
Have a great day,
Clem xx
Thank you for your kind words, Moody. I do feel lucky, and I think my SO, let's call him Monkey, is a lucky fella too...
(Mind you, I kissed a few frogs before I found my prince. tee hee.)
Looking forward to the next instalment.
Clem xx