The downside...

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
The downside...
8
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:27am

So, the downside of bringing the girls along on two dates with an awesome guy...


My oldest keeps talking about a new step father, and she really likes HC and he'd make a good step father and yada yada yada yada. Granted, my oldest is a bit OCD. She gets something in her head and she can't let it go. So, I'm trying to keep them in check with this whole thing.


So, I talked to HC briefly today, and he told me to tell the girls hi, and wanted to know if they asked about him. I said oh lord you have no idea, I"m having to put them in check. He was confused. I said ya know, they live in a fairy tale world HC. He was still confused (super smart guy I swear LOL). So I just dropped it. Not so sure now I should even bring that up.


Two dates and my girls are ready to pick out wedding gowns. Sigh. :(

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:30am
I'm thinking maybe you should wait a little longer OR take them for ice cream and that is it. Be careful! Not only because of the guy freaking, but the disappointment for your girls if he does. You both need a little more time together before you do this. I know it sounded great at the moment and was a compulsive thought, but before you regret it, take a deep breath and remember, if it's the right guy, he'll be around in another
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:43am

"Two dates and my girls are ready to pick out wedding gowns."

LOL!

Well, at least they're supportive of your dating life LOL!

"Admire what you DO have, and stop asking for what you don't." Ds- age 8



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Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 1:15am
I appreciate your glass half full.. always haha.
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 7:31am

Oh man... I hope it works out for you guys, because the girls are already getting attached! I'd reeeaaaallly pull back on the kid-included dates for a long time now, IMO... and in the meantime, keep stressing to your girls that dating takes time and it's not like the movies where man-woman meets and falls in love and marries before it wraps up in 2 hrs. They probably see you guys together and they're having fun and already they're ready for the movie to wrap up!


As for HC... draw him a picture if he doesn't get it. MAKE SURE he understands how emotionally dangerous it is for the kids, for you all to keep having group outings before the TWO of you even know if you're right for each other long-term or not. Hopefully he will understand, and isn't using the girls to get to you. I've had some men do that- play with my boys

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 9:29am
I totally agree on pulling back as far as the kids are concerned and nipping that in the bud now. My SO is getting close to my kids now
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 9:40am

Totally agree. That is the danger of involving kids. They just dont see, or get, reality - like we do.


It also worries me a bit that this guy is SO clueless why its not a good idea & is asking things already like "are they asking about me".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 10:45am

"and in the meantime, keep stressing to your girls that dating takes time and it's not like the movies where man-woman meets and falls in love and marries before it wraps up in 2 hrs."

That is a great thing to say - as quoted from Shrimps. I think this is a good opportunity to talk to the girls and explain the importance of dating and the concept of Hollywood.

And I would not bring the girls for a while. I think it is okay to meet early on - but the constant spending time together thing is NOT good because the kids get attached.

I really would rather leave my son totally out of the equation of dating - because I want him to worry about being a kid. I would equate showing him my dating mess as making him worry about the bills - it just isn't a worry that is good for kids. And dating is so complicated when we are older - because we have more at stake and it is harder to find a good match.

I don't think you need to make a big deal eponine - just make them busy with a babysitter or playdate or only see him when they are with their dad. And really, that is a blessing to keep you slow and find a guy who is steady and consistent - can see you on a consistent basis over time - not TMTFTS - and can be on your schedule - because that is what you really need for a long term relationship. You need someone who can deal with the stresses and setbacks of every day life in a steady and positive demeanor - who can consistently make the right decisions over time and put off instant gratification and work towards the common good of the relationship.

It is easy to have crazy infatuation - because that is dreamy and fun - but it is hard to have something steady that grows. That is the ticket I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:26pm

Lol- I'm glad you appreciate it :)


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