Drunk Dialing - He's Such a Jerk
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| Mon, 09-12-2005 - 1:42pm |
Saturday afternoon I was feeling really upset b/c of the second email my ex bf had sent. So, I called him - knowing that I shouldn't but doing it anyway - and told him that it didn't hurt me that we weren't together, but that it hurt for him to act like I never mattered. I said what I had to say and ended it there.
Well...a little after 1:30am he calls me. Nevermind the fact that the phone ringing in the middle of the night scares me to death and could have woke up my dd! Anyway, he wants to know if I have my dd, so I tell him yes, and he says nevermind. I press the issue wanting to know why he called, so he tells me that he's drunk, laying in his yard and can't get into his house and wants me to come help him. He said that he went out with his mom, got drunk, she couldn't help him in b/c of her back, and figured he would call me "since I don't hate him." We get off the phone and I call one of our mutual friends who happens to be near his house at the time and she and her husband go help him. By this time he's called me back telling me that he's called one of his buddies who is going to come help him.
Anyway, my friend who got to his house calls me after she and her husband get there telling me how drunk he is and that he keeps talking about me. She said to prepare myself b/c he said that he was going to call me again.
Not 10 mins later he calls again, crying, throwing up, and telling me how sorry he is for how he treated me. He tells me that he misses me and wants to see me and talk to me. He then proceeds to cry about how much he hurts about his ex wife, etc. We end up talking for a while, and by the end of the conversation he begs me to come see him the next evening. He said that he had something very important to tell me and that he had to tell me in person.
Well...being the person that I am, I call him the next day to see if he's okay and if he still wants to talk. He says no - flat out. Then he says, I called you last night, right? I was like - um, yeah, three times! He says, "oh, I was really drunk." We ended the conversation, and he's just a jerk.
Why would he drunk dial me, say all this stuff, and then be so mean? I know my life is better without him in it, but what gives him the right to treat me like this? Who does he think he is? I'm a very giving person by nature, and I really take things hard when they don't work out. I let myself get wrapped up in things quickly, which I know I shouldn't do, but I feel like now he's just playing with me. He knows that I have a date with someone this weekend (a friendly kinda thing - just a friend) but he got so irrate with it. It's like he doesn't want me but he doesn't want me to go out with anyone else either. He's just a jerk and I don't know why I'm letting him make me feel bad.
Kait

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Oh yikes!
Kaitlyn:
I know a lot of people have responded to your post, I'm getting into this kind of late, and I don't know the whole story. But I wanted to respond because you sound a lot like me and because I am currently going through a similar situation with a break up.
I haven't had as much drama as you are having right now, but I was still in contact with my ex. And I know there are people here who would disagree with that. That's fine. I urge you to read my post "My Great News and My Epiphany Moment" because I think it will help you. Yes, to most people I may be stupid. But that's ok, because to me, I am just fine. At first I needed to talk to my ex, but after the same old song and dance and a really stupid, hurtful comment, I finally got it -- that I didn't need it any more. Talking to him wasn't doing me any good, and I decided not to take any more of his calls. All I'm trying to say is that same epiphany moment will happen for you too. It may be tomorrow, it may be a week from now. But, until you realize it yourself, that your ex is no good for you and continuing to talk to him is no good for you, you won't change. Besides, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks anyway (with all due respect). You have to be happy with yourself and your choices. I can say all this because I am living it -- right here and now. I really didn't think there was anything wrong with talking to my ex, until last Friday, when he stole all the joy out of my very happy moment. But that's ok -- because it got me to realize how he really is and what was going on. Now I can just take this as a lesson learned and move on.
I understand your comment about your ex not wanting you but not wanting you to have anyone else either. My ex wanted me to share him with another woman. And I know it hurt when he said he wanted to talk to you and then didn't remember it the next day. It also hurt me when my ex said that he thought of me as just a play date. They say stupid things, don't they. AS for why does he keep calling you, it's like my ex. My counselor says he has some unresolved issues, feelings or whatever, that has him calling me still. He he was settled with what he did, he would ride off into the sunset and not give me a second thought. But that isn't the case, and it sounds like your ex is the same way. My counselor said the only way to remedy that situation is for me (us) to take control and draw the boundary. Don't take the calls. I bet whenever you guys talk to each other, you probably say the same things over and over. I can guarantee you that that gets tiring. You have said your peace and there's probably not much more you can say.
I would like to tell you that everything will be better tomorrow. It will once you make a decision, and you are happy with that choice, then you can move on. It sounds like you are just about there anyway. I know your pain, and I don't know if you are a religious person, but God has something much better in store for both of us.
Keep your chin up and NEVER LOOK BACK. And if you falter, that's ok. If you need to vent, do so here. You know I understand where you are coming from.
Donna
Thank you so much Donna! I appreciate everything you said very much!
Kait
Judy:
I was surprised my your post that you have tried internet dating. I always thought you didn't want to go down that road. How long have you been doing it? What changed your mind? And how has it been going? I'm not being judgmental; I'm very curious because I have tossed the idea around in my head, but haven't made a decision yet. Just wondering. Any thoughts would be appreciated. And good luck.
Donna
Judy has OLDed before and took a break, I'm doing OLD (that is how I met my x-bf too)... maybe we could start a new thread about OLD?
OMG - I have definitely tried OLD dating - I took it by storm the first 2 years after my divorce. I met a lot of people and have some interesting stories and good laughs. But no luck in finding my soul mate. I found that most men in my age range are either 1) never been married (and definitely a reason for that!!!!) or 2) divorced/separated and only looking for casual sex
There are so many men who are not handsome or in shape, ride motorcycles, smoke, travel all the time for business, have had multiple marriages, live far away, don't want kids in their life or something else I find not good for me.
Every once in a while I go and look on match.com and then I get a very bad feeling and close down the browser. I might even leave my profile up for a day or two but then it is delete delete delete.
Right now I am on fitness-singles.com - but there is no one in my area who would be a match. There are a LOT from out of state - and that makes me think that maybe in a matter of time one from around here would be good. Patience patience patience. At least all of them are fit and have the same interests. I am not getting my hopes up on it too much, though.
The POSITIVE side of online dating is that you get very experienced with communication, going on dates and learning about the opposite sex. The lesson I learned the hard way is that not all want a relationship like me - they just want sex. And I have learned how to spot that in a heart beat - usually they come on real strong sexually right off the bat.
I think you would do okay with it. It is fun to create a profile and get emails and phone calls and go on dates. I am just burned out on that because I did too much and did not have any luck and I get irritated with all of the Mr. Wrongs out there.
I hope this helps - I will go and see if I can dig up one of my very first posts on here that was very funny about my dates I experienced.
Okay - I found a brief synopsis of my online dating experiences that I posted in May 2004 - they are from my dating journal:
Okay - I managed to get out my dating journal for some real funnies - these are the ones who won the "most horrible date" award:
- Mr. Negative - First date happens to be my birthday - okay - could be his chance to shine - but he shows up 30 minutes late!! I bumped into him just as I was leaving because I gave up. I give him a chance and he is so negative - hates his job, hates this state, blah blah blah.
- Mr. Computer Geek - He is a kind person who lost his parents at any early age. BUT He has lived alone so long that his favorite dinner is oatmeal with steamed vegetables on top. I am not kidding you!!!!!! This poor creature does not believe in wearing a seatbelt, does not use the airconditioning in his car ever - not even on a really hot day, and does not buy insurance for his car. But he does drive a porsche!!
- Mr. Drama - This one is the CEO of a major company. He is willing to take me anywhere. Money is no object. BUT...and there is always a but!! He is impotent from prostate cancer and has a history of cheating on his wife. Talk about irony!!
- Mr. 47-and-never-been-married - doesn't want ANYTHING in his life to change - never leaves his house - has an exact way of doing everything from making coffee to turning on the jacuzzi. Only wants a date once a week and it has to be a workout.
- Mr. Funny Money - comes from a really wealthy family - family very very nice - too bad you can't keep them separate and save them for someone else. BUT he hasn't paid his taxes in 9 years - doesn't really believe in that - and thinks it is okay to live on the edge in a lot of debt in a roach infested apartment.
- Mr. Stare - this one was so bad I wanted to leave after 20 minutes. He is rude to the waiter and doesn't stop staring at me.
- Mr. Drunk - this one is the CEO of a major expensive shoe company - I mean these shoes are carried by Sax 5th Avenue and such. BUT he drinks about 5 or 6 glasses of wine on the first date
- Mr. Sloppy Kiss - this one likes to have fun and we have things in common - but he says he believes in leaving your kids with the nanny while you travel around the world (that was his statement that did him in) and then he gives a very sloppy gross gross kiss at the end of the date.
- Mr. Scary Ex Wife - this one talked and talked about his ex wife on the first date. She is bi-polar and so mean and so scary they can only communicate by email.
Judy:
Thanks for your reply, and thanks for taking the time to find the info. on your internet dating experiences. What a riot. Thanks for the laugh. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I know I've had my fill of 40-something men that have no kids and have never been married. So, where are all the single dads? I'd sure like to meet a good one.
Donna
I think you could meet them at kid's events and places. I was at Dave and Buster's the other night and there were many guys out on a Saturday night with their kids.
Make sure you look good when you go out with them!! LOL!!
Judy,
Those stories are hilarious, I remember when you posted them!
Alison
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