To dump or not to dump?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
To dump or not to dump?
13
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 11:09am
Some of you may remember me posting several weeks ago about this guy I started dating and him re-posting his ad after telling me he had taken it off. Well, I have accepted his explanation that it was an error, and we moved on. Sort of. The thing is that since we’ve become intimate, there had been a significant change in our interaction. It’s like he’s blocked out everything else. When we first started, we’d talk on the phone pretty much every day, sometimes he’d call several times, and we’d have nice long conversations. Same with emails. Well, all that went downhill, emails and phone calls became few and far between, and his only reason for wanting to see me seemed to be to hop in bed.

So, I expressed my dissatisfaction with that state of affairs last week. Told him I know I have more to offer than just a romp in the bedroom, and I expect more than a romp in the bedroom from my partner. He admitted that he’s been acting shallowly, said that he hadn’t been intimate with anyone for over a year, and that probably was one of the reasons for his over-eagerness in that area.

(A bit of background: he is not officially divorced yet, separated in February, and his STBXW is giving him a hard time. His teenage daughter lives with him and pretty much refuses to see her mother. His court date has been delayed several times because they can’t agree on things. So I’m thinking he’s just not emotionally done with that relationship, and therefore unable to invest emotionally in a new relationship. I was concerned from the start about him not being divorced, but didn’t put the brakes on like I probably should have.)



Here’s the thing: while I certainly enjoy being an object of someone’s desire, his single-minded desire seems to have turned me off of him completely. We haven’t seen each other since the weekend before last (scheduling difficulties), and I can’t say I’m missing him too much. He is trying to call more often and keep the conversations neutral, but it’s not the same, something is gone. Never once has he said that he misses me, or called because he was thinking about me, or anything of that nature. The emotional connection is not there (that I can feel), and it makes me want to look elsewhere.

So, I’ve agreed to a date to go dancing on Friday night, with a new guy. Is it so wrong of me? I have not said anything to the first guy, nor do I plan to. In fact, I think I will see him on Thursday, and that might be the time to do the dumping. No point wasting my time and his. Right? Or am I being too harsh and having unreasonable expectations?

Let me know what you girls think.

Thanks!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:17pm

Dum-duh-dum-dum-dump!!! : )

Don't know much about the new guy yet, just chatted with him over the weekend. He's a corporate attorney, divorced, has kids but I don't know the details. He is a dancer, and it's been a dream of mine to have an SO who's as interested in dancing as I am. So, I'll be going to my Argentine tango class on Friday, and then meeting him at this nice classy jazz bar afterwards for dancing to a live band. He promised to be gentle on the dance floor : )

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:25pm
Very good. Good luck with your date and let us know how it went!!

How did you meet him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:29pm
He contacted me on a dating site. He asked me to dance :)

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