Dumped

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Dumped
21
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 3:13am

D and I just spent five amazing days in Charleston together last weekend, everything was perfect and normal. We talked about what we were going to do for our one year anniversary which is coming up in a couple weeks, and we even talked about our summer vacation plans. D has been the most perfect boyfriend, and would always tell me that I was the best girlfriend ever.


Well, I was blindsided last night when he called to break things off. I'm a hot mess.. here it is almost 3am and I'm up crying again. D had the most ignorant reasons for breaking things off, and in the end its all my fault. I'm a freaking idiot. Rule number #1 that I made for myself years ago: DO NOT DATE A MAN UNLESS HE HAS BEEN LEGALLY SEPARATED OR DIVORCED FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR!!! I should put that on a sticky note and paste it on my bathroom window when I start dating again. Like my daily words of affirmation lol. Seriously, all these men need is a prostitute and a therapist. No need to get our hearts involved. Ugg!


I told myself not to get involved with him, I knew he would be different in one year.. and look at us now. I've been dumped by a man that makes over 250k a year because he can't date me and afford his two bedroom apartment at the same time. He has to get his priorities straight... he really wants the two bedroom instead of the one bedroom. Seriously? I even got the reason it.. "Its springtime now" Seriously?


He's so disengaged from me now, it was like a total business deal. A couple days ago he was normal D telling me how much he loves me, and last night it was "well, I care about you and want you to be well" Umm ok.


Ugg! I still don't know if I'll be back to the boards any time soon. I have a feeling it will be quite a while before I get out there and start dating again. This is similar to my divorce where I just need a little bit of finding myself time again. Its been a good year though, and I just want to continue the good parts. I've been working out, taking better care of myself, quit smoking.. and holy CRUD it was so hard not to go buy a pack last night. I think I'm just going to use all this extra time to really dive into taking care of me.




Edited 4/17/2010 3:30 am ET by trauma_junkie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 3:21am

Oh no! Im so sorry! Im really sorry too, that you were so blindsided by this!


I dont really understand the part you wrote about making 250K & the 1 bedroom vs 2 bedroom apt, but either way, it sounds as if youre right, it was too soon for him to get serious with someone after his seperation.


Im SO SO SO proud of you for not smoking though! Keep it up!


Hang in there. xo

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 3:28am

Thanks.


I guess I should have clarified that his reason for breaking things off is that he can't afford the relationship. I was like umm ok, then lets stop going on all these trips and just stay in more, and he said that I deserved more than that, and it would be boring if we just sat in the house all the time. Umm.. k? I also got the reason "Its springtime now". Basically I'm being sarcastic because the only reason for the breakup was that it was way to soon to start dating, and his priorities have changed just like I knew they would. I have to laugh because once I thought of that movie he's just not that into you and I thought "Wow, D and I are the exception, not the rule!" Wrong!


Ugg I have got to sleep.. jdrf walk in four hours!




Edited 4/17/2010 3:36 am ET by trauma_junkie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 7:11am

Do you think he had other reasons that he didnt tell you and the 'cant afford' wasnt the real reason?

Could you tell if he was pulling back at all now that you look back on it?

Well dont blame yourself for this. It didnt happen because you didnt follow your rules up front. It happened because this guy had other issues going on.

I know your pain. I am sorry this happened. I am taking time for me and my kids now and it helps a lot. You might want to try to do that too.

anonymous
anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 7:23am

(((BIG HUGS))) M~


I'm sure your still in shock but I'm glad your still going on the charity walk; physical and social activity may help to lift your spirit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:08am

Oh Trama...what total and utter CRAP on his part. Gahhh. My heart aches for you!


I'm sending you hugs and hoping the pain begins to pass soon...let yourself feel it, but don't become bitter from it. BIG, HUGE hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 1:06pm
I am so sorry. I know this is rough, but you didn't do anything wrong. He gave you no indication that there were issues. What is it with these guys that say you deserve more, and I can't give you what you deserve. With CK there was truth in that, and he showed me, I just refused to look at it.
Take your time, like you plan, find yourself and you will take these lessons with you the next time, when you start dating again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 4:08pm

Sorry for heartache :(

Jenn ~~~ mom to Ashley & Elliott ~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 6:29pm

Awe that was sweet, thank you :) The best part of today was my 9 year old coming with me. She even talked me into running the last mile. I DO NOT RUN! LOL.. but I did it! Despite the name I left the big world of trauma and I work Pediatric Endocrinology now. I'm also filled full of a family of type 1's and type 2's on both sides, and I"m type 2.


Then we went to the amusement park it was at and I rode every roller coaster they had.. it was the most perfect distraction for the day. Also, the pain of these blisters on my feet now take my mind off the drama from D!


I did email D, but I kept it very simple. As much as I wanted to verbally rip him to shreds I simply asked for the pictures from our Charleston trip and said:


You're forgetting that you were very embedded in my life. My girls deserve an email or card from you with some kind of explanation. I'd like for them to not think that

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 7:39pm
Oh honey, he was an arse, and took the wussy way out. Those were lame excuses he used. But, I am impressed that he responded to your email, and I hope he does follow through with the card. I hate the heartbreak you and your girls are feeling, BUT so proud of ya'll for going out and having an awesome day. The numbness will pass, the pain will pass, but what you learn and take away from this experience will make you stronger. Big hugs, and go soak those tootsies woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: trauma_junkie
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 9:25pm

OMG OMG OMG OMG. Are you sure we weren't dating the same person!?!?!


I am so incredibly sorry, TJ. This sounds EXACTLY what I went through 6 weeks ago. WTH is WRONG with these men? They throw away a PERFECTLY great relationship and shatter our soul to pieces with NO reason. I DON'T GET IT.


I truly know exactly how you feel. What sucks is that BECAUSE there is no legitimate reason, it hurts even more. It leaves you wondering WTH just happened to me!?!?


TJ, I was there 6 weeks ago (we dated for 20 months), and I have to tell you that it was the WORST PAIN I had ever gone through. My divorce was easier because I had reasons why I didn't want to be in that relationship any longer.


For the encouraging part: you will be okay. I promise you. You are a strong, independent woman. You

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