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|Sat, 04-17-2010 - 3:13am|
D and I just spent five amazing days in Charleston together last weekend, everything was perfect and normal. We talked about what we were going to do for our one year anniversary which is coming up in a couple weeks, and we even talked about our summer vacation plans. D has been the most perfect boyfriend, and would always tell me that I was the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I was blindsided last night when he called to break things off. I'm a hot mess.. here it is almost 3am and I'm up crying again. D had the most ignorant reasons for breaking things off, and in the end its all my fault. I'm a freaking idiot. Rule number #1 that I made for myself years ago: DO NOT DATE A MAN UNLESS HE HAS BEEN LEGALLY SEPARATED OR DIVORCED FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR!!! I should put that on a sticky note and paste it on my bathroom window when I start dating again. Like my daily words of affirmation lol. Seriously, all these men need is a prostitute and a therapist. No need to get our hearts involved. Ugg!
I told myself not to get involved with him, I knew he would be different in one year.. and look at us now. I've been dumped by a man that makes over 250k a year because he can't date me and afford his two bedroom apartment at the same time. He has to get his priorities straight... he really wants the two bedroom instead of the one bedroom. Seriously? I even got the reason it.. "Its springtime now" Seriously?
He's so disengaged from me now, it was like a total business deal. A couple days ago he was normal D telling me how much he loves me, and last night it was "well, I care about you and want you to be well" Umm ok.
Ugg! I still don't know if I'll be back to the boards any time soon. I have a feeling it will be quite a while before I get out there and start dating again. This is similar to my divorce where I just need a little bit of finding myself time again. Its been a good year though, and I just want to continue the good parts. I've been working out, taking better care of myself, quit smoking.. and holy CRUD it was so hard not to go buy a pack last night. I think I'm just going to use all this extra time to really dive into taking care of me.
Edited 4/17/2010 3:30 am ET by trauma_junkie