Dumped

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Dumped
12
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:04pm
Ok, please help me out with this one.

I was dating this guy for over four years. I have an 11 year old son and they get along great. He told me that he loves me but all of a sudden can't get over the fact that it will never be just "us". He said that after 4 years he sees that there isn't a future with us. I don't get it. He said that most guys feel this way and won't date women with kids and that am better off with someone that is much older or has kids already. Has someone else ever experienced anything like this. I am very hurt and mad!!

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:20pm

After FOUR YEARS he suddenly understands that you are a package deal? Oh, honey, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Did you have any indications that he might feel this way from the beginning?


I am sorry but I have to

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:34pm
Hey Becky,

Thanks for your comments. It made me feel better. I told him he was selfish and he didn't think so, he said that he is entitled to the way he wants his relationship to be and that my son is a burden to him. I was like, what!! I know it is the best thing but it does hurt. I am happy for you and I hope to have the same luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:03pm

How OLD is this guy?


I agree, that a 27 year old man might prefer a childless girlfriend, but by age 25 or so, they are few and far between.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:07pm

Sandy, first of all, welcome to this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:08pm
He is going to be 30 in September.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:17pm
Thanks for the welcome!

I am in a tough spot right now and thanks for the support. I know it's over and I can't go back. It is hard going through the stages and 4 years is a long time for this to happen so suddenly. The only time it ever came up was in the beginning and he said he doesn't usually date women with kids. He said that he was willing to this time and the rest is history. We talked about buying a co-op together and having kids on our own. We went on a vacation alone together and when we got back he came up with this. He said that the trip was wonderful but he realizes that he wants it that way all the time etc. Anyway, I'm tired of feeling this way and hurting over this. It really stinks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: isandy302
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:27pm
For some reason, I want to say, "don't throw this one away just yet."

I am thinking, unless he has met someone else, that he developed really strong feelings over you during vacation. And this freaked him out.

I will be curious to see if he finds out he really misses you and wants you back.

Just a hunch - please keep us posted.

And if he doesn't come back then he lost much more than you did.

Keep your head up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
In reply to: isandy302
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 10:11am
I agree somewhat. I think he'll be running back to you. But, I do want to caution you, DO NOT call him, if you do talk to him, be pleasant and sweet - then find an excuse to leave or hang-up.... maybe even go on a date or two with someone else. I think eventually he'll realize how stupid he is being and want to come back. If he tries to talk to you about the whole "you having a kid thing," just agree.... he says you should date someone older with kids.... just agree. In a matter of time he'll be freaking out. Just my perspective.
Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: isandy302
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:35pm
I have been through this...before DH, I dated a guy for over a year...he was great with my kids, he really liked them...we were at the point of talking about getting married...and then one day he just decided he "couldn't" do it...he wasn't ready for an instant family.

He is a great guy....we even still talk once in a while...but he wasn't the right guy for me...and that really hurt. I have to disagree with those who say he's selfish....I don't think he was...I just think he wasn't ready to be a stepparent...and that's okay. There are wonderful people out there who will accept/love someone else's child...and there are those who can't...and there are even some parents who love their own children, but know that they couldn't be good stepparents.

Just like with my exbf...it would ideally have been better for them to realize this before getting involved with the children. I am sorry that you and your kids are going through this though.

Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: isandy302
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 4:10pm

I'm the one who said he was selfish, so I would like to clarify.

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