Eeeeeks. TG called

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Eeeeeks. TG called
28
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 7:29am

He called last night at around 11 pm.. i didn't answer the phone because i was afraid of what he would say... i thought it would hurt my feelings again to hear him talk mean.... i was

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 7:50am

I know you miss hm. But I am not sure I would take him back even if he comes back. Atleast not without making him work very very very hard for it.


But still he is sending texts implying trust issues. If I were you I would take a clean break from him and show him that he cant play with your feelings and life the way he wishes. But you are the only one who knows him- there is only so much we can say from the board.


If you jump back to him when he is back and wants to get together- in his mind his respect for you wont grow. Tell him you are upset the way he behaved childishly and if he wants desperately you could agree to be his friend or date too slow- at turtle's pace. Also tell him that if you talked about exclusivity then you would respect that and if he doesnt trust you he should leave ASAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:02am

I agree with dance. You know that you deserve better treatment than what gave you the other night. However, having said that, perhaps this was a momentary lapse in judgment and respect for you that can be worked on. It's hard to "next" someone who has been so amazing for an entire month and then turns on a dime. I would at least try to find out what happened and if you think it was a one-time deal that you can move on from, then continue with him but perhaps at a slower pace. Just my 2 cents...

Good luck and keep us posted.

Cat

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:21am

Hmmmm. I think you need to sit down and have a huge talk and explain how he makes you feel. Try to find out why he did what he did. Then go with your gut feeling.

If I was you, and I know I am different, I would want more of a dating type situation where he calls in advance and sticks to plans and you get to know each other more slowly and develop trust and friendship and a relationship. I really think that having sex on the first date was not a good idea because it set off the crazy train in both directions. But that is me. And I know you can't take that back - but maybe you can develop a more stable situation where you see each other a few times a week with plans in advance. Not this crazy last minute late night stuff with hanging out and wondering what the other is thinking and stuff like that.

If it is meant to be it will last til the end of time - so he can learn to wait and be patient.

The more important question - is what do YOU really want? What is your list of the perfect boyfriend for YOU? Does he fit that? And if so, you have to teach him how to treat you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:23am
Oh Loony - I have been not so active on the board lately but I did read your situation and I think you need to be careful here and listen to your head, not your heart. He is saying he is not good enough for you and I think you might want to believe him. Also in my experience it has happened a few times that when I am focused on my trust issues or insecurities/past issues, it turns out the other person has far more issues than I do but they are easily hidden because mine are front and center. By putting your issues front and center he can concentrate on you and blame you to a certain extent but the truth is he sounds like he has a whole slew of things going on with HIM and those things couldnt stay hidden forever. If you both have trust issues, can you work this out? IMO maybe but only if you are both dealing with the issues very openly and with one another so that things like last weekend have less of a chance of coming and biting you in the butt.
I am so sorry you are going through this but I think you have handled it all very well so far.
And you didnt do anything wrong by seeing an old guy friend either. Nothing happened. You just visited. That is nothing to feel guilty about just in case you are considering it. I think it is good you told him and it will be interesting to see if he sticks on that one thing. If you were to tell him that after he left you met with and spent time with an ex FWB, do you think he would trust you that nothing happened? I know you did the right thing with Sean but TG would need to really believe that and it strikes me that even if he says he does, he might bring it up later. I hope not but maybe KWIM?
I know you had a lot of hope for this guy and I really hope you work your way through this with or without him. I dont think he has his stuff together enough to love you in a way that he can handle. But I hope I am wrong!!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:39am

I do agree with West in that you have to figure out what YOU want!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 10:37am

Yes... this feels complicated..


here i thought he never wanted to talk to me... but now he does.. he called this morning at 10 am... I'm not going to have an intense conversation on the phone... but i'll let him make arrangements to meet face to face (perhaps tonight) and lay it out there.... He just called to say hi... i could tell... he was working .. he asked me how my weekend was... and i told him all the things i did with the kids.... he said, sounds like you had a good mothers day... i said like i told you in the text.. i kept myself busy... then he had to get back to work... said, hey can i call you back in a little bit...


1) it would be interesting to find out if he bolted because someone said they saw me with someone else... if so, i was right about his trust issues being worse than mine. that would be a BIG NEXT. not because of trust but his reaction to the issue.


2) when he said, "ur too good for me"... my thoughts all weekend were... maybe i am and I should move on... in our conversation i will want to know EXACTLY what he's talking about... is it because i'm older... because i have established my career and he's just begining.... is it because i take care of my family and he can barely take care of himself.... maybe if he knew

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 10:52am

It sounds like you are going into this with a good head on your shoulders--now just try to keep it there!!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:19am

Because of the way my last bf was I personally would NEXT this guy, but it's YOUR choice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:35am

Hey Loony - I am sorry I am jumping in so late....I was very surprised to see that things with TG have derailed and unraveled so suddenly.


As the others have said, it does sound like HE is dealing with some major issues.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:36am

Loony,


I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

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