eharmony experiences...
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eharmony experiences...
| Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:42am |
just started to 'date' from eharmony matches. met 2 dift guys...both on phone, one in person 3x...he blew me off (and no i didn't fool around with him thank god!) as he was ultra critical it seemed so good riddance to him...but wonder how your eharmony experiences have been...pretty good matches or not? the first guy got real p.o.ed and downright nasty when, after asking me why i was not wanting to talk ont he phone anymore, i told him why i was uncomfortable with somet hings about how he acted...he ripped me a new you know what and wow i said thanks for showing your true colors so early on man! jerk. so now there is this 3rd guy and so far sounds great...but he may want kids 'of his own' which worries me for my daughter who has been my one and only now for 3.3 years...i worry for her being kind of oddball to him if we ever did have kids someday ya know...i'm trying to take into acccount all these 29 points to a succesful marriage thing dr. neil talks about in his book/on eharmony site. so far so good...have yet to meet in person... (his name is tom)
:O)
lis
:O)
lis

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Best of luck~~
I met my guy on match.com... getting married next year. He was my 5th date I was his 2nd.
I admire your patience...EHarmony had waaaay too many questions just to get to the point of a date! I lost interest before I could even meet a person. I hear it works though!
I am currently dating someone that I met on E-Harmony. I met him back in November. We e-mailed a few times, then I gave him my phone number. He called me that same night and we talked for an hour. When I got off the phone, I felt like I had just talked to a long-lost friend or someone I knew all my life (he said the same thing). The next weekend we talked for about 4 hours one night. Since we seemed to get along so well on the phone, we decided to meet and we have been dating ever since. I have 8-year-old, boy-girl twins, and he has a 7-year-old son. Everyone has met each other, and, so far at least, we all get along. This is just my opinion, but I think I just got lucky -- I don't think it goes like that for most people. We have TONS in common, and we share the same views on a lot of things like raising kids, etc. We wants more kids (2) which is ok with me except that we are both 40, and I hope my biological clock isn't broken. We seem to be on the same page with all major issues, which, again, I think I just got lucky.
As far as E-Harmony goes, a lot of people here on the board told me when I started with it that I would be lucky to get a date out of it. I didn't believe them at first, but it turned out to be true. This guy (Steve) is the only one that I met in person. I would get to the e-mail stage with guys, then after a few e-mails, they would disappear. There was one other guy that I am sure we could have met because we talked on the phone a few times and he wanted to meet, but I didn't. We got busy with the holidays, and after the holidays he e-mailed me, but I never responded back to him -- just not my type.
I think E-Harmony is ok if you have patience (like MB said -- so many questions and stages to get through) and if you go into with NO expectations at all. Otherwise, I think you will be disappointed. I have since cancelled my subscription -- I am happy with my match and don't want to find another one. But there towards the end, they were sending me real strange matches -- like a 45 year-old minister -- I don't think so, not me! What was most frustrating to me was that some guys wouldn't even bother to answer the questions. Why sign up if you don't want to be bothered? But I found exactly what I wanted to find -- a single dad. No more 40 something guys who had never been married and had no kids -- been there done that too many times. Those kinds of guys are on E-Harmony, but with all the questions you have to answer, I was able to weed them out right away and choose to close that match -- that's what I liked about it.
Good luck to you. Be smart and be safe, and keep us posted as to how it is going.
Donna
Let's see (you'll laugh at me) I have been on:
match.com
yahoo pers
american singles
military.com
militaryfriends
eharmoney
and I KNOW I am missing one or two more sites in the last
I have been on and off eharmony for a while. Am still single so the matches have obviously not worked.
I have noticed that lately the batch I have now seems better in writing than before - because they now consider common interests. So I will see.
I think you should pursue this one - and keep us posted.
Cat:
You crack me up! So E-Harmony couldn't match anyone to you, huh. Gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that you are a Scorpio? I had a real cool astrology book once that I lent to someone and never got back. One of the chapters went through the zodiac and stated the perfect match for each sign. When it got to Scorpios, the book said there was no perfect match for us "because no one could put up with us" because we are too strong minded. LOL. The book also said that Scorpios were the sexiest, most passionate sign of the zodiac. No kiddin! You should have seen my expression when I was matched with the minister. I'm thinking, ok, my favorite store is Victoria's Secret and one of my favorite movies is 9 1/2 Weeks. I think E-Harmony missed on that one! Too funny.
Donna
You know what's even sadder? We can't even be put together with a Scorpio male. Sad sad sad. You and I are so 100% too. It will take a very very patient man, such as your Steve to put up with my poop. :)
I just dusted two more dates and now added another
Cat:
No,you can never have too many friends. Besides, the best relationships start out as friendships. Plus, he contacted you -- that says something! It has its possiblities.
As for the Scorpio/Scorpio thing, heck no. I tried that once -- what a volatile combination. We were both too much alike to be able to get along; too controlling and headstrong. Like the book said, maybe no one can get along with us! I don't believe that, though. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, even us!
Donna
Hi,
I'm new here - nice to electronically meet you!
I just came off a session of eharmony (and chemistry.com, and last summer match) - my divorce (final) is a little less than a year old. I am in a high-traffic zone (metro major city) so there is more to choose from. Friends in smaller cities tell me they have a hard time with eharmony - no choices. FWIW. I met, in a month, one really nice guy, one semi-jerk, and that was it (many rejects). I noticed that a) it seemed like a better class of guy but b) things move REALLY slow. I don't think one single one man contacted me - I contacted all the ones that I had conversations with.
I have a two and a half year old, and I have full physical custody - there is very little visitation. I am finding dating IMPOSSIBLE. Not only do I not have time, but I can't get past a first date/meeting - I'm not sure if guys are scared off by the no time thing, (i.e I don't have that two weekend a month off- thing) are just not into me after the first meeting, or if I am giving something off. Just last night I saw a yahoo personals profile by a guy I met last summer and he mentioned "please don't be among the walking wounded". Now, this guy did not come off like a jerk - but I got all paranoid and wondered if he was referring to me. He was one of the very few that I emailed with after the first meeting and he just copped to "no chemistry" - which may well be true - but what the heck, can this really be the case with like eleven guys in a row? Do you girls find dating men with kids a better situation than men with no kids or, even stranger, the never married (I am 38 and am in the 36-45 year old dating pool).
thanks for any feedback
Hi Goldfish,
Welcome to our board - it is great that you stopped by.
All I can say is that I really understand what you type here and know what you mean about the difficulty of dating in our age group. I think this is universal for all singles as they age, at least from what I have seen with my friends. I even have a friend who is childless and is 25, going to school and she can't find anyone either.
Your hands must be full with a 2.5 year old child - I can remember those days well. Mommy fills their whole world. While it is fun to watch them grow each day, and have them count on you so much, it is also draining especially when you don't have any relief from the other parent.
With regards to eharmony and online dating I have mixed emotions. I went gung-ho with the online dating for about 2 years after I was divorced for a year. And I never really met anyone who was that serious about having a relationship versus just wanting casual dating and sex.
I am on eharmony now but only 3 of my 35 matches have contacted me and I didn't like something about them so didn't pay the money to respond. Many of them I have closed because of something in their profile. For example - travels all the time for work, 49 and never been married, lives too far away, too short, doesn't exercise, too old.
I do think that the harder you try to find a relationship the further you get from doing so. It is the so called addage that the watched pot never boils. I think the best thing you can do is to just make yourself happy with your own life - both as mommy and as a single adult.
You say you have no time - maybe your new year's resolution should be to find more time for you - do you have family, friends, or other mom's that can help with babysitting once a week? Or a trusty teenager who could babysit for you one evening a week? I think that if you felt more at ease with the time you had, you would reflect this.
As for me, right now I am just being all I can be and enjoying the things I would not get to enjoy if I was in a relationship. I am taking DS on a great trip to Switzerland this summer. Right now his dad is dating someone and this has put a big strain on DS's relationship with his dad so I realize I have a real treasure that I can enjoy DS without the demands of another person. I am spending a lot of money on myself - something my married friends cannot do. I am calling all the shots - and loving it!!
It is great to meet you and to hear your story. I hope I have helped you some way. I also hope you stick around and participate in our discussions.
8-) Thank you so much for your words of support. I am close to my family (both psychologically and physically), however my sister is busy now with a 6 month old and while my mom has been a lifesaver with helping out (I have to travel occasionally for business and her help is priceless) she really doesn't understand the issues, and I feel guilty asking her for extra babysitting time. There is a teenage babysitter being interviewed on Tuesday, so I hope that time for ME is just around the corner - I have a demanding job outside the home as well as inside so it's badly needed. Yes, my son is a handful, but things are finally getting fun, he has a great personality and sense of humor and some of the ultra-toddler intensity is beginning to melt away. My ex and I were separated when he was four months old, so that stuff all just status quo to him. That was a relationship that while it had its unpleasant moments for me was, as it turned out, unsafe for him (and married seven years, who knew). So, it's been tough being unexpectedly turned into a single mom with an infant (then a toddler) and dealing with all of that as well.
I think you are right about looking too hard for a relationship. After my divorce was final, I went on match for a couple of months, but after scaring off nine guys I decided I should give it a rest and that I had done the work that I could do at that phase - at least I wasn't afraid to even speak to a single man anymore. I took off three months, and then I was carrying on a flirtation with my neighbor. (I sympathize with Kayleigh's "crush", that's definitely what this was). It gave me some hope that I could feel that way again, even though that came to nothing. That's when I joined eharmony. Well, I let eharmony lapse after only a month and am discouraged with the other service and am ready to let that go, too. I feel like I am at an impasse; that I must be happy with myself and my situation to find someone, yet feel like it would move my progress along if I met someone. I don't want a relationship that is too casual, but I'm not looking to get married, either. Some friends have urged going into a casual relationship, but I really can't get involved on just a physical level, I'm just not built like that (no matter how much I would like to be sometimes! ) And I think someone else said it, it is very hard making a connection at this age, I do not remember this being so hard when I was in my 20s.
So, to wrap up eharmony - I guess when it's a hit, it's a good one, but I think there are a lot of misses, and I have not really heard a lot of good feedback. I know more people who met a really good person on match.com, but that is probably just statistics at this point...
GF
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