eharmony experiences...
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eharmony experiences...
| Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:42am |
just started to 'date' from eharmony matches. met 2 dift guys...both on phone, one in person 3x...he blew me off (and no i didn't fool around with him thank god!) as he was ultra critical it seemed so good riddance to him...but wonder how your eharmony experiences have been...pretty good matches or not? the first guy got real p.o.ed and downright nasty when, after asking me why i was not wanting to talk ont he phone anymore, i told him why i was uncomfortable with somet hings about how he acted...he ripped me a new you know what and wow i said thanks for showing your true colors so early on man! jerk. so now there is this 3rd guy and so far sounds great...but he may want kids 'of his own' which worries me for my daughter who has been my one and only now for 3.3 years...i worry for her being kind of oddball to him if we ever did have kids someday ya know...i'm trying to take into acccount all these 29 points to a succesful marriage thing dr. neil talks about in his book/on eharmony site. so far so good...have yet to meet in person... (his name is tom)
:O)
lis
:O)
lis

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Goldfish:
I know I'm a little late with this, but work was crazy last week and I wasn't on the board much. But, since you asked, I'd like to throw my 2 cents in there.
"Do you girls find dating men with kids a better situation than men with no kids or, even stranger, the never married (I am 38 and am in the 36-45 year old dating pool)."
I'm 40. I was 32 when my exh left. I didn't date for almost 3 years because he left me with 3-month-old twins. When I did start dating again, over the last six years, I had three long-term relationships. I didn't do on-line dating, I just me the guys on my own. Those three guys had one thing in common: they were all 40ish, never been married, and had no kids. After 3 broken hearts, I have sworn off this kind of man. I just can't do it any more. I am now dating a man that I met on E-Harmony. My twins are 8; his son is 7. Now that I have something to compare it to, I think there is a big difference between dating someone who has no kids and someone who has kids. The last single guy I was with was engaged to a woman for 5 years, and she had 2 kids. Then they broke up, and he met me. He had a fear of getting attached to my kids, so we went slow with the introductions. When they finally met, he seemed to be ok with them. But now that I see a real dad in action, I know it's not the same.
I'm the type of person that makes a lot of mistakes, but usually learns from them. I can't see things clearly when I am involved in a situation, but once I am out of it, I can take a step back, see my mistakes, and see things for what they really are. With the last guy, who I was head-over-heels in love with, I can now see that though we got along great, and had a great time together, he was never going to be a "family guy". He was great as long as he didn't have to be "dad" 24/7. He was never going to commit to me and my kids on a full-time basis.
As for this new guy from E-Harmony, I knew he was different right from the start. When he e-mailed his first message, he asked me about my kids. He asked how many I had and how old they were and he said he wanted an e-mail back from me telling him all about me and my kids. That was a first. No one ever wanted to hear about my kids. When I had my first phone conversation with him, again, I knew he was different. When I hung up I felt like I had known him for a long time.
When you ask if I find dating men with kids a better situation, I would have to say yes. The problem is, and I read this somewhere here on I-Village, single dads are hard to meet. The reason being, they are either: (1) too busy; or (2) don't want to be bothered because they have had bad experiences with marriage and/or dating. I went on E-Harmony hoping to find a single dad. I have a few guy friends, and they are all single dads. I have always gotten along with them, and that's why I was hoping to find one that I could date. We get along so well because we have a lot in common; we understand each other. Believe it or not, single dads, especially the ones who have their kids full time or share 1/2 time, have the same issues we have: getting everything done, juggling schedules; spending quality time with their kids. I have always found single dads really easy to talk to because they understand where you are coming from, they are good listeners, and they can understand what you are saying when you vent to them. So, for me, the single dad thing works; but I'm sure there are people out there whom it did not work for.
As for 40ish guys who have never been married: my sister always said to me that if a guy is that old and not married, there must be a reason. I never believed her until I did it 3 times and ended up broken-hearted 3 times. As for the last one, I can see now that this guy will never get married; he's a commitment phobe; he's too selfish to want to make the sacrifices it takes to be with a woman with children. Unfortunately, I found all that out too late. So, to learn my lesson, I am avoiding this type of guy like the plague. There is this guy in my neighborhood who fits the same MO. He's been after me since before Christmas. He gave me yellow roses on Valentine's Day. I keep turning him down, and I even tell him why. He keeps hoping I'll change my mind, but I know I won't. I just can't do that scenario again, but that's just me.
Those are just my experiences, but I know everyone's situation is different. I just wanted to tell you that now I have dated both men with and without children, and I prefer the ones with children. Yes, you have to blend the families and hope they all get along, but so far that has not been a problem. His son likes me and my kids. My kids adore both of them. All three kids have us married, buying a bigger house and having babies -- it's a riot!
Good luck to you and stay around. This is a cool place.
Donna
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