Enabling my Ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Enabling my Ex?
46
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 1:00pm

So last night I was reminded again a major reason that I left my marriage. But my DD stays with him on some evenings and now I am a little concerned.


My Ex is really really bad with finances, very irresponsible. When we were married he would spend money on video games and electronics instead of bills. He is also very messy and lazy and has fought depression and ADHD. Somehow through working nights and going to school he is managing to get his degree this month.


He was to have DD last night till 9pm. He called me at

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 1:33pm

I'm sorry about the kids/families at school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 1:53pm
I just wanted to poke in and say how beautifully you have handled this last situation. I had to do the same when my ex was going through what looked to be divorce number 2 and was falling short on his end of the child care bargain even more than normal. I too questioned myself as to whether I was enabling him but in the end DS comes first. You did great!!
Also I was prompted to write because whenever you have posted about the parents and how they make you feel at the school I relate so much to this. My son's school is in a fairly affluent area and we had a school meeting last week and I chose to get up and state my feelings on something and I saw the looks registering about "who is she again?" and they dont mean anything too negative about it IMO - it is more just a snap judgement they make because they havent been where we are or where we have been as single parents. Still it feels like crap and it is frustrating because there are hardly if any playdates ever and to me it has been fairly clear that there is a single moms clique there but all they do is complain and bitch about exes and I dont want to be a member of that club either so I am basically up the creek without a paddle then. I have come to peace with it but it is tough and I havent seen my son suffer at all for it but it could be in the future he might. I think as you do that they just dont feel comfortable with me and honestly there is not much I can do to fix that!! Chin up because you are SOOOO not alone in these feelings Pac!!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 2:28pm

Thanks City~


With Ex it is frustrating but I'm feeling like everyone is adjusting well. He needed the break and I just had to swallow my bitterness about my resentment towards him not being the parent I wish he was at this point and time.


After school activities and some summer camps are what I'm looking into now, as they would really help fill the gaps when I'm working. They are not free though, and so I was told somewhere that I might qualify for a scholarships funds for her to attend them.


Ya, the whole thing about the parents around here is wierd. I know you can relate! I am glad that your DS has not felt any ill effects. We are in very similar areas- her school is in the affluent neighborhood also. The good part is that it is an outstanding school acedemically and that is why I put here there, but the down side is the judgement and snobbery we sometimes face.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 5:33pm

Somewhat OT but regarding my Ex and another issue:


A few weeks ago he asked if I would attend his nurse pinning ceremony. It's a big acheivement for him. When we divorced we left without hatred of bitterness and truly wanted the best for each other. He has been understanding of my relationship with

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 5:44pm

Um....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 5:57pm

Very, Very valid points, Moon.


You're right on all accounts especially this: She's skanky, first of all.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 6:10pm
I think it is 2 different things - because this is the father of your child and you have not had a FWB nor does he call you trying to get back with you. DD first is what I say!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 10:14am

ITA with West and Moon--just talk to him--I am sure BE would understand!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 11:42am

I understand completely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 12:06pm

(And yeah,