"I think my issue has been that I want to bolt as soon as I know something is up. I don't want to waste time trying to prove to some guy why he should pick me or want to be with me. So in my case I want to beat them to the punch and get out before they can hurt me. That's been kind of an issue with me in regards to my relationship."
I find myself doing this, too. I have been seeing this guy for over a month now, and HE KEEPS COMING BACK. So when I am with him, I look for something to go "wrong" so I can get out before I get hurt. But it doesn't happen. For instance, last night, he kept yawning so I quipped "I must be pretty boring" and he kept apologizing, then asked me what I was doing on Saturday. In my head, I was half hoping he WAS bored. The more interested I get, the more worried I get. It shouldn't be this way, I know.
I think my issue has been that I want to bolt as soon as I know something is up.
Hey, i can relate to that as well... I'd rather bolt first. I feel the same way, i'm not going to prove myself... either he gets me for who i am or he doesn't... i played that hamster wheel game with my ex (trying everything to please them, keep them, make them proud, etc.). Not gonna do it this time. I'm going to be me, whatever that may be, and make decisions for me. All while keeping my eyes \ ears open.
and yet occasionally, it's okay to be a fool too... i believe there is no solid right or wrong answer as long as i dont' do anything against my will... ya know.
I'm finding it interesting that so many here have that urge to bolt when something starts to look BIG or serious. Like when there is a chance you might get hurt or find yourself in deeper than you want.
I know I've been there... many times. And I never could figure out just WHY I would feel that way. Why the fear? I remember asking myself that one many times, and for years.
I'm not sure why it's different now, but for some reason it is. I'm not saying I didn't have some times of doubt when things started building with Hiker- but for some reason, this time it didn't seem as scary. And I didn't do anything (intentionally or unintentionally) to sabotage the building relationship out of fear of hurt. I wish I could figure out how I got through it so I could share some wisdom or whatever here- but I'm really not sure what it is.
There are times when I get a bit of stress knowing that if things ended with Hiker
In a way thats a good thing. I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I hang in there knowing full well its not going to work out. I want to learn to bolt too.
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Youre right. You deserve the best. Set your standards high and stick with it. I
"I think my issue has been that I want to bolt as soon as I know something is up. I don't want to waste time trying to prove to some guy why he should pick me or want to be with me. So in my case I want to beat them to the punch and get out before they can hurt me. That's been kind of an issue with me in regards to my relationship."
I find myself doing this, too. I have been seeing this guy for over a month now, and HE KEEPS COMING BACK. So when I am with him, I look for something to go "wrong" so I can get out before I get hurt. But it doesn't happen. For instance, last night, he kept yawning so I quipped "I must be pretty boring" and he kept apologizing, then asked me what I was doing on Saturday. In my head, I was half hoping he WAS bored. The more interested I get, the more worried I get. It shouldn't be this way, I know.
I'm the same way.
"Bottom line - I won't EVER be treated badly again."
BRAVO - that is a good mantra!
I think my issue has been that I want to bolt as soon as I know something is up.
Hey, i can relate to that as well... I'd rather bolt first. I feel the same way, i'm not going to prove myself... either he gets me for who i am or he doesn't... i played that hamster wheel game with my ex (trying everything to please them, keep them, make them proud, etc.). Not gonna do it this time. I'm going to be me, whatever that may be, and make decisions for me. All while keeping my eyes \ ears open.
and yet occasionally, it's okay to be a fool too... i believe there is no solid right or wrong answer as long as i dont' do anything against my will... ya know.
I'm finding it interesting that so many here have that urge to bolt when something starts to look BIG or serious. Like when there is a chance you might get hurt or find yourself in deeper than you want.
I know I've been there... many times. And I never could figure out just WHY I would feel that way. Why the fear? I remember asking myself that one many times, and for years.
I'm not sure why it's different now, but for some reason it is. I'm not saying I didn't have some times of doubt when things started building with Hiker- but for some reason, this time it didn't seem as scary. And I didn't do anything (intentionally or unintentionally) to sabotage the building relationship out of fear of hurt. I wish I could figure out how I got through it so I could share some wisdom or whatever here- but I'm really not sure what it is.
There are times when I get a bit of stress knowing that if things ended with Hiker
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
In a way thats a good thing. I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I hang in there knowing full well its not going to work out. I want to learn to bolt too.
Laurie
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