It's good and bad. I think knowing I have the option to bolt (whereas in the past I thought the point was to keep my guy happy and make sure he never left) is sort of empowering, yet the fact that you are even thinking about it makes the whole situation unsettling and wondering if your feelings for the other person are even real.
I have been going through this (the one I thought went away came back with a vengeance, go figure). I keep looking for faults so I can bolt. It is keeping me from being honest and open because I spend too much time looking for flaws.
Yeah but if you are having doubts and looking for reasons to bolt then maybe you should listen to those doubts. If you were really truly happy in a relationship then you wouldnt be having doubts and considering bolting.
I think by the time the doubts arise that it about to end and we are just looking for enough reasons to justify it. Nobody likes to hurt their partner so we look for enough reasons to make the split.
I think it is more that since all my relationships in the past have been so flawed, I must be going down the same path again. However, this guy keeps coming back and it is flooring me because he remains as nice now as he was the first time I met him. My past seemed to "require" that I walk on eggshells. This guy told me specifically last night that it is time for me to stop doing that.
My past seemed to "require" that I walk on eggshells. This guy told me specifically last night that it is time for me to stop doing that.
Now I have to figure out how to do it!
Just be yourself. Do and say the things YOU want to say or are feeling... not what you think HE would want to hear. Or saying only the things that you think will keep him happy. Or doing only the things you think will keep him around. Be who YOU are, do what YOU want. Know that you can still be happy with yourself even if he might not like something you said. You are you- and he is the one responsible for HIS feelings and reactions. And no matter what happens, have confidence that YOU will still be okay. It took me going through the hell of a failed marriage to learn that one.
I don't think that is being selfish, as it sounds like most of us (me included) have that "feature" within us to adjust ourselves so much to fit others' needs- that we forget ourselves. Big time People-Pleaser. So to start acting FOR YOU... I think you'd just be gaining the balance that you need to begin with. I just don't think any of us who tend to be people-pleasers... will ever really turn into fully selfish people. Just BALANCED people, finally. Move yourself up the totem pole a bit when it comes to functioning within a relationship. It's NOT all about him... and it shouldn't be!
<<<<< I don't think that is being selfish, as it sounds like most of us (me included) have that "feature" within us to adjust ourselves so much to fit others' needs- that we forget ourselves. Big time People-Pleaser. So to start acting FOR YOU.>>>>>
I think this is the best piece of advice I have seen on I Village yet. We need to post this statement on every relationship board on here.
Its a must and this summer too before the warm weather is gone. I have the 12-16 off this month and I am trying to figure out a mini vacation for me and the girls. They want Winnipesaukee but I want Newport and surfing. But regardless we will make the trip to Newport and meet up. I usually make a few trips there per year anyhow.
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It's good and bad. I think knowing I have the option to bolt (whereas in the past I thought the point was to keep my guy happy and make sure he never left) is sort of empowering, yet the fact that you are even thinking about it makes the whole situation unsettling and wondering if your feelings for the other person are even real.
I have been going through this (the one I thought went away came back with a vengeance, go figure). I keep looking for faults so I can bolt. It is keeping me from being honest and open because I spend too much time looking for flaws.
Oh, I hate this!!!
Thanks for asking, Rich.
Yeah but if you are having doubts and looking for reasons to bolt then maybe you should listen to those doubts. If you were really truly happy in a relationship then you wouldnt be having doubts and considering bolting.
I think by the time the doubts arise that it about to end and we are just looking for enough reasons to justify it. Nobody likes to hurt their partner so we look for enough reasons to make the split.
Laurie
HEY! I was just going to day - MYSTIC is 45 MINUTES FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it all came out just fine!
I think it is more that since all my relationships in the past have been so flawed, I must be going down the same path again. However, this guy keeps coming back and it is flooring me because he remains as nice now as he was the first time I met him. My past seemed to "require" that I walk on eggshells. This guy told me specifically last night that it is time for me to stop doing that.
Now I have to figure out how to do it!
Now I have to figure out how to do it!
Just be yourself. Do and say the things YOU want to say or are feeling... not what you think HE would want to hear. Or saying only the things that you think will keep him happy. Or doing only the things you think will keep him around. Be who YOU are, do what YOU want. Know that you can still be happy with yourself even if he might not like something you said. You are you- and he is the one responsible for HIS feelings and reactions. And no matter what happens, have confidence that YOU will still be okay. It took me going through the hell of a failed marriage to learn that one.
I don't think that is being selfish, as it sounds like most of us (me included) have that "feature" within us to adjust ourselves so much to fit others' needs- that we forget ourselves. Big time People-Pleaser. So to start acting FOR YOU... I think you'd just be gaining the balance that you need to begin with. I just don't think any of us who tend to be people-pleasers... will ever really turn into fully selfish people. Just BALANCED people, finally. Move yourself up the totem pole a bit when it comes to functioning within a relationship. It's NOT all about him... and it shouldn't be!
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
<<<<< I don't think that is being selfish, as it sounds like most of us (me included) have that "feature" within us to adjust ourselves so much to fit others' needs- that we forget ourselves. Big time People-Pleaser. So to start acting FOR YOU.>>>>>
I think this is the best piece of advice I have seen on I Village yet. We need to post this statement on every relationship board on here.
Laurie
Its a must and this summer too before the warm weather is gone. I have the 12-16 off this month and I am trying to figure out a mini vacation for me and the girls. They want Winnipesaukee but I want Newport and surfing. But regardless we will make the trip to Newport and meet up. I usually make a few trips there per year anyhow.
Laurie
Pages