Engaged/pregnant/custody
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Engaged/pregnant/custody
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:25pm |
Hello,
I'm currently engaged to my df and we are planning to marry early next year. I think I may be pregnant. If I am, its early on.
What I'm wondering, anyone have experience with living with/being pregnant and did it cause problems with an existing custody arrangement?
I have joint custody of pre-teen daughter, and I'm a little worried about my ex trying to use my preg. to get full-custody, saying I'm unfit/immoral or something. We do not live with my df, we have our own apartment, dd and I.
Thank you.
I'm currently engaged to my df and we are planning to marry early next year. I think I may be pregnant. If I am, its early on.
What I'm wondering, anyone have experience with living with/being pregnant and did it cause problems with an existing custody arrangement?
I have joint custody of pre-teen daughter, and I'm a little worried about my ex trying to use my preg. to get full-custody, saying I'm unfit/immoral or something. We do not live with my df, we have our own apartment, dd and I.
Thank you.

By the way, congrats on your pregnancy!! Such an exciting time, I really hope you enjoy it! How does your daughter feel about it?
Alison
Do you have reason to suspect your ex would challenge the custody arrangement? I don't know where you live, but normally an unexpected pregnancy is not grounds to move for a change of custody.
Best wishes to you!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Hi
I don't have any experience.
My ex is still VERY bitter about the divorce, I left him and he never wanted it. Until early this year he was still telling my daughter he thought we'd get back together - its been 3 years. Part of the reason we never could've reconciled was the mind games he kept playing with her. I would'nt put it past him to take anything he sees as an opportunity to try and get more time with our daughter; or rather - take time away from me. He wouldn't be doing it because he thought it was best for her - only to make things worse for me. She's already expressed a desire to be with me more, but at her age, she's still too young for her opinion to be considered plus, I would never ask her to choose. She doesn't want to hurt her dads feelings by saying she wants to be with me more. He was very uninvolved with her while we were together and I honestly believe he only is doing the 1/2 time because he wants to show everyone that HE is trying to be a good dad despite the fact that I "ripped apart our family and scarred our daughter".
Alison
Mel
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Obviously your X has some serious issues and I think if he does try anything regarding mind games, you might have the upper hand instead of him to prove he is unstable and unfit. I definitly wouldn't worry about the other way around. I know it's easier said than done, but relax and try not to get yourself wound up. Try and take your daughter to the Doctor to watch her brother and sister. INVOLVE HER as much as you can. My oldest and youngest girls are 7 yrs apart and Alex thought it was the coolest that she got to go to the doctor, help pick out ideas for names, help with the room, clothes, baby shower and that I always explained that being the oldest and biggest she has a certain responsibility and that she has special kudos that the little one won't have. It helped. Anything to keep from having fears about the baby taking her mom away. What is the relationship with your DD and your Fiance? He can always help in making her feel as if she isn't a third wheel suddenly. I am sure he isn't doing that, but maybe that the both of them have a certain day trip together to the zoo or even just baskin robbins. LIttle stuff goes a long way.
Catherine
My DD and DF get along very well. I wouldn't say there's love their yet, but they definitely like each other and my dd is very comfortable with my df. He has no kids (never married) but spent a lot of time with neices/nephews, some of them my daughters age. He babysat for me a couple of days when camp had closed but i had to go to work. They did great, plus one night when her throat was bothering her and she had trouble sleeping (I was exhausted and had to be at work very early and didn't even here her coughing) he got up at 1:30 in the morning, made her chicken noodle soup and sat up with her watching a movie until she got drowsy again, then put her back to bed.
I think they are doing great towards building a relationship. I printed some of the step-parent articles off ivillage for him to read. He did read them, said he already knew most of it, did agree with the importance of regular communication. It meant a lot to me that he was willing to read them. My daughter and I talk about everything and she is very comfortable asking me questions. We've already covered the "do I have to call him daddy" (No); "can he ground me?" (He has to be respected as an adult, but any longterm punishments the three of us can discuss together), etc. So far, she's been very comfortable with things.
It sounds like everything is going wonderfully for you! I forgot to add congratulations on the pregnancy!!!!
You have a great guy, but I am certain you already know that.