PHEW what a thread I missed. But I must say I was delighted when I read all the messages - this board, and all of the people on it, have something very good to say and add.
The only thing I can say now is I agree with this: "He did admit this morning that sometimes he needs a little push. I think we should plan the wedding together with me doing the larger part. But may be I should relax and let him take his time to propose ."
Let him take his time to propose first. I think from all you posted about the two of you is that you are okay as long as he is in a hurry to have the kids. Did you talk about that with him?
I think he is on guy time with the proposal and you have to wait. BUT I do think it is good that you are not just trolling along living with him for years and wasting your time.
Yes.. I did get some good suggestions here. After I typed out my post on good things about Biker in reply to city's post..this evening we went out with another friend and on our way back e stopped the car near a beautiful spot and asked me to get out and showed me a building that looked very different and moon shining above it..It is near a park and he kind of silently hugged me like he was apologising.
When we came home we talked calmly and I told him that May is kind of unrealistic since we are not prepared.. Let us just see how things are and we can talk about it later. He said he likes to get married and still thinks we can do it in may ( he implied that we will be engaged..).. since we are planning a small wedding..I told him that I cant do things like that and it stresses me out.. So let us not talk about doing anything in a hurry..Seems like he really wants it but he says he just doesnt think why planning a wedding should take that long (if we are planning a simple one).. I said it may not take long, But mentally it is stressfull to plan in short time.
So I asked him to tell me some venues he like or explore near his parents place and we will keep looking slowly and we will plan properly when we both are up to it..
So we decided to just take it easy for now. I too dont want to stress out too much about this anymore..
I think we WERE looking at it in the same perspective. The dissapointment & let down. As i read your post, i FELT the let down of every single damn "special occassion" ... our rehersal dinner (he was SO drunk after, it was sickening), our wedding nite (SO drunk & SO mean after, that i slept along, w/ the dog & we didnt speak for TWO days after), my baby shower (i waited ALL nite, from 5pm after the shower, for him to come home & see the gorgeous gifts - I went out & found HIM< at 1am, falling down drunk in a bar, while *I* waddeled in in my pj's, 37 weeks preggo & a LUNATIC), Avereys baptism day (went out with cousins after & showed up at 3AM passed out on the lawn), Averys 1st bday celebration (party of 50 people at my house & he took Ativan & drank & was mortifyingly MEAN to me in front of everyone) ... & every OTHER occassion, he ruined either with drinking or being mean.
God, those were some awful years.
& I know Biker isnt a drinker, thank God, but still, i KNEW prior he dissapointed me a LOT - & it never got better.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
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PHEW what a thread I missed. But I must say I was delighted when I read all the messages - this board, and all of the people on it, have something very good to say and add.
The only thing I can say now is I agree with this:
"He did admit this morning that sometimes he needs a little push. I think we should plan the wedding together with me doing the larger part. But may be I should relax and let him take his time to propose ."
Let him take his time to propose first. I think from all you posted about the two of you is that you are okay as long as he is in a hurry to have the kids. Did you talk about that with him?
I think he is on guy time with the proposal and you have to wait. BUT I do think it is good that you are not just trolling along living with him for years and wasting your time.
Yes.. I did get some good suggestions here. After I typed out my post on good things about Biker in reply to city's post..this evening we went out with another friend and on our way back e stopped the car near a beautiful spot and asked me to get out and showed me a building that looked very different and moon shining above it..It is near a park and he kind of silently hugged me like he was apologising.
When we came home we talked calmly and I told him that May is kind of unrealistic since we are not prepared.. Let us just see how things are and we can talk about it later. He said he likes to get married and still thinks we can do it in may ( he implied that we will be engaged..).. since we are planning a small wedding..I told him that I cant do things like that and it stresses me out.. So let us not talk about doing anything in a hurry..Seems like he really wants it but he says he just doesnt think why planning a wedding should take that long (if we are planning a simple one).. I said it may not take long, But mentally it is stressfull to plan in short time.
So I asked him to tell me some venues he like or explore near his parents place and we will keep looking slowly and we will plan properly when we both are up to it..
So we decided to just take it easy for now. I too dont want to stress out too much about this anymore..
"Let us just see how things are and we can talk about it later"
The only problem with telling him this, is that he may just drop the subject all together and you won't get a proposal at all.
I think we WERE looking at it in the same perspective. The dissapointment & let down. As i read your post, i FELT the let down of every single damn "special occassion" ... our rehersal dinner (he was SO drunk after, it was sickening), our wedding nite (SO drunk & SO mean after, that i slept along, w/ the dog & we didnt speak for TWO days after), my baby shower (i waited ALL nite, from 5pm after the shower, for him to come home & see the gorgeous gifts - I went out & found HIM< at 1am, falling down drunk in a bar, while *I* waddeled in in my pj's, 37 weeks preggo & a LUNATIC), Avereys baptism day (went out with cousins after & showed up at 3AM passed out on the lawn), Averys 1st bday celebration (party of 50 people at my house & he took Ativan & drank & was mortifyingly MEAN to me in front of everyone) ... & every OTHER occassion, he ruined either with drinking or being mean.
God, those were some awful years.
& I know Biker isnt a drinker, thank God, but still, i KNEW prior he dissapointed me a LOT - & it never got better.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
I think I made it clear to him that AFTER we get engaged (when ever it is) we will need few weeks to plan the wedding.
Also I think, I have to control my overexpression of anger. I dont think he did anything majorly wrong except the fact that
"I think it takes time for things to get out of my system."
Perhaps now would be a good time for some therapy or counseling so that you can learn how to let go of the anger/ resentment that builds in you.
Hi Alison,
I just posted something and lost it so here I go again.
I don't know why men do the "jewelry store drive-by" and then never do anything after.
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