Ever meet a guy and think WOW...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Ever meet a guy and think WOW...
20
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 2:50pm
this is REALLY it. So many people have told me they felt that way when they met there husbands - that they knew right away to within the first couple meetings. I mean I can't say I am in love or even in lust - it isn't like that . This new guy is just so wonderful and on my level and he gets me. i even asked him a few uncomfortable questions - kinds of questions that made Jack and every other guy I know respond with silence or "I don't know" and when words started to come out of his mouth I KNOW my jaw dropped!!! I really really really LIKE this guy and we connect and ladies - knock on wood. This is it.

I saw him last night and we did make out - it was funny though because we were on the couch and he started to rub my feet and we talked. It was just SO comfortable then. We went outside (because he both barely smoke :( and we were looking at the stars and we finally kissed (you know when you want for hours leading up to it) He was hesitant a little - or timid? - and then when into it whole heartedly and it was one of those kinds of kisses that just feel perfect - like this person konws how to kiss YOU - and then after he was all smiles and admitted that it was strange that first moment - he hadn't kissed a different woman for over 8 years and hadn't kissed any in over a year. Then we just cuddled and kissed and cuddled and talked - it was wonderful.

I fell asleep on the couch and he made me breakfast - like the picture perfect omlette with toast and really good coffee....We talked more and even talked about "when" we would get the girls together (I guess Ava is still 3 so they are about 10 months apart)

I don't want to move too fast so I am holding back but this feels right. I know that could change - I know that even if we do continue there will be times I wonder why but really - what makes me feel so sure isn't just how good we talk or the things in common but the fact that we agree about how LIFE is and how it should be and our integrity and ideals - I know you are thinking "how do you know" but when he told that no matter how bad things were with his ex wife (who turned out to be a bi-polar manic depressive and then became and alcoholic) he wouldn't have left her because he made and obligation and a promise to her, himself and to God. And he never once cheated on her or thought about it - I know he is being honest about that because we talked pretty frank about it This really stood our for me. And that he likes being married and likes having a family and wants at least one more child. Or more. And he started his business so he could work and home and be with Ava more. All these things.....say a lot about him

That and my mother who has never once EVER gone even a little gung ho on a guy I dated when she met him the other night she was really comfortable and that is weird. So when I talked to her later and asked her what her impression was she REALLY liked him! She NEVER really likes any of them! And she said he is by far the best looking and well mannered - and she thought "but he doesn't see full of himself at all - just sure of himself"

Thank God!

hehehe - Ok I have to get some things done. My mom thought it would be fun to hook the girls up (Alyse and Ava) and said she didn't think it would be wierd if we all did something together. Obviously Tom and I are both unsure of what to do on that front. Do you think a day at the Apple Orchard would be weird for the girls? Or would they just think "Cool - a new playmate?" TIA for ideas

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 10:42pm
I think you should pull back a bit and wait for the test of time. 3 months. A lot can happen in 3 months. And if you are meant to be then there is no rush. Wait for sex, wait for the girls to meet, wait for this opinion that he is Mr. Right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:06am
First...Congrats on meeting a great guy!!!! He sounds wonderful and a lot of what you said reminds me of how I feel about my boyfriend.

I've been apart from my daughter's father since she was six months old. She's four now and in the last three and a half years she's met only three of the hundred or so I dated (okay, maybe not a hundred, but close..lol). In the last year, I dated this one guy for NINE months, but she NEVER met him. Because it never felt right. Because he never asked to meet her. Because my gut instinct told me that she shouldn't meet him...that what we had was never going anywhere stable, so why bother? However, my boyfriend now, whom I've only been with for almost three months, has met her on three occasions, one including dinner at his parent's house with his parents and his younger brother. My daughter LOVES him, and he absolutely ADORES her...as does his family.

The key is...if it feels right...for you and your new hunny...and for your daughter, then it feels right. There's no rationale in that. I think since he has a daughter as well, a group outing would be fun!!! Keep it casual, keep it short (as in, don't spend the ENTIRE day together, just a couple hours). Introduce him and his daughter as friends, and I don't think it will be unhealthy at all. I've also learned that moms are ALWAYS right...and the fact that your mom is so supportive really says something. My mom is like your's...she doesn't like ANYONE...but when my parents and I went out to dinner with my boyfriend (before he met my daughter) she liked him from the first five minutes. And that is important to me and gave me the confidence to say, "Yep...this is really good!!!"

We always want to be cautious of who we introduce to our children, but it sounds like this is a good situation, and if the meeting is kept casual, I don't see the problem!

Good luck and keep us posted!

Hugs,

Shelley

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 9:27am
I think that just about every time I meet someone...and then the bubble bursts in a week or 12. Stick it out and see if it outlasts the lustful stage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:03pm
yep, I've sure thought that...and in retrospect it was almost always a matter of my "imagining" that things would be perfect. And almost always it wasn't. Sometimes the surface looks good but underneath looks very different.

I'm wondering what happened to not pulling your little girl into all these dating relationships because she's old enough that she understands what's going on now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:20pm

I have been dating for two years.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:34pm
Laura:

Congrats on the new guy. He sounds great. However, I think it's too soon for him to meet your daughter. You asked if anyone has ever thought wow, this is it. Yes, the last guy I dated I really thought he was the one, but unfortunately, he wasn't. I'm SOOOO glad he did not meet my children. They knew of him, they talked on the phone with him, nnd they knew that when they went to dad's house, we saw each other. You know, I haven't seen him since June, but on Friday night both my kids asked me if I was going to see Mark when they were with their dad -- and they never even met him. Kids are smarter and more curious than we think. Because they never met him, there was no attachment there, and it was easy to explain to them that no I wouldn't be seeing him. They still asked a lot of questions though. I just think that because it's so soon after your break up with Jack, and although this new guy seems like the one, I agree that only time will tell that. Sometimes, things start out great and then turn sour. Give yourself adequate time to see how things pan out. I laid down the rules with my "new guy" -- that it would be a while before he met my kids. He wants to meet them, but I say no, not yet. He respects me enough to respect my wishes, and he doesn't push the issue. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't want it any other way. You have to do what you feel is right, but it never hurts to err on the side of caution. Good luck to you.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:39pm
Thanks Kim. As far as some of the other comments....When I met Jack we had an immediate connection but I didn't think right away that "this is THE guy" As time went on sure I loved him and thought that. This is the first time I ever felt like this - and I don't mean strength of emotion or lust or any of that. It is something else and is actually CALMING.

As far as not dating. Everyone talked me out of it. And besides, it is when you aren't looking right? I had NO intention of actually finding anyone at all. I only put my profile up to get some attention to get an immediate self-esteem fix (you KNOW what I mean)

Who knows. I have no idea what the future holds but it does feel good and I think that he is just as cautious as me. At least he understands and doesn't make me feel like I am less of person because of my situation (of course it isn't "at least" but I am saying we are on the same level and in the same place and have a lot in common interest wise and philosophically and spiritual so if anything there is gleaming potential)

And Good Luck with your guy Kim - he sounds really great!

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:43pm
Well, I am not imagining anything at all. In fact it scared me to death to think about having another child and what that would be like. I don't think things will be easy at all - especially with 2 people who have their own business and 2 homes that need work before we could sell them. I haven't imagined any kind of physical future. I just feel right with him. He listens and he is respectful and ultimately we want the same things in life and seem to have similar ways of going about getting it. I am not imagining the future. I am just looking at him and who he is.

As far as the dating thing everyone convinced me that I was over analyzing - which I do. And that as long as I was in a relaitonship that was committed I should just go for it. Committed meaning the guy was looking for along term REAL relationship.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:48pm
Imagination aside, you can't know this soon about anything being permanent. Although it could be a good thing for now.

Overanalyzing is not good, but I know no one encouraged you to jump into anything serious very fast either.

I also know you'll do whatever you want, and take the advice that is what you want to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 1:49pm
Thanks Donna. I was thinking that if we met somewhere like the park or go somewhere during the day and just hang out all together that would be OK - we do this with other parents and children and yes even some single dad's. In fact the park is a great place to MEET guys! So I thought maybe that would be OK and save the "at home" stuff, or the strong one-on -one for later (like only bring the 2 girls together to play kind of thing) I think that is how I will appraoch it and take it from there. I suppose it can ALWAYS go sour (look at people getting a divorce after 20 years!) So I am going to just not worry about it. I worry too much about it.

We shall see - maybe he doesn't like me at all! hhehehe

Laura

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