Ever meet a guy and think WOW...
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| Sun, 10-10-2004 - 2:50pm |
I saw him last night and we did make out - it was funny though because we were on the couch and he started to rub my feet and we talked. It was just SO comfortable then. We went outside (because he both barely smoke :( and we were looking at the stars and we finally kissed (you know when you want for hours leading up to it) He was hesitant a little - or timid? - and then when into it whole heartedly and it was one of those kinds of kisses that just feel perfect - like this person konws how to kiss YOU - and then after he was all smiles and admitted that it was strange that first moment - he hadn't kissed a different woman for over 8 years and hadn't kissed any in over a year. Then we just cuddled and kissed and cuddled and talked - it was wonderful.
I fell asleep on the couch and he made me breakfast - like the picture perfect omlette with toast and really good coffee....We talked more and even talked about "when" we would get the girls together (I guess Ava is still 3 so they are about 10 months apart)
I don't want to move too fast so I am holding back but this feels right. I know that could change - I know that even if we do continue there will be times I wonder why but really - what makes me feel so sure isn't just how good we talk or the things in common but the fact that we agree about how LIFE is and how it should be and our integrity and ideals - I know you are thinking "how do you know" but when he told that no matter how bad things were with his ex wife (who turned out to be a bi-polar manic depressive and then became and alcoholic) he wouldn't have left her because he made and obligation and a promise to her, himself and to God. And he never once cheated on her or thought about it - I know he is being honest about that because we talked pretty frank about it This really stood our for me. And that he likes being married and likes having a family and wants at least one more child. Or more. And he started his business so he could work and home and be with Ava more. All these things.....say a lot about him
That and my mother who has never once EVER gone even a little gung ho on a guy I dated when she met him the other night she was really comfortable and that is weird. So when I talked to her later and asked her what her impression was she REALLY liked him! She NEVER really likes any of them! And she said he is by far the best looking and well mannered - and she thought "but he doesn't see full of himself at all - just sure of himself"
Thank God!
hehehe - Ok I have to get some things done. My mom thought it would be fun to hook the girls up (Alyse and Ava) and said she didn't think it would be wierd if we all did something together. Obviously Tom and I are both unsure of what to do on that front. Do you think a day at the Apple Orchard would be weird for the girls? Or would they just think "Cool - a new playmate?" TIA for ideas
Laura

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There is a man I'm flirting with right now, who already knows my children because we are all in the same karate club. If that goes somewhere there will still be a trial time of him not being very involved with my kids. And I'm making sure he can be a decent friend before I decide if I want to date him or not.
Yep, like downbythebay, nearly every time I dated someone. I wouldn't have bothered dating him in the first place if I didn't think "WOW! This one might FINALLY be worth the effort!"
Honestly? I think ANYTHING putting the little girls together would be a bad bad idea. Why would you want to complicate the relationship instantly? Why not just DATE HIM and have fun with him, and keep from getting your gals into another relationship that they might lose? Makes no sense to me.
But I read this: "In fact it scared me to death to think about having another child and what that would be like. I don't think things will be easy at all - especially with 2 people who have their own business and 2 homes that need work before we could sell them." and I thought - WHOA - it's WAY TOO early to even be THINKING about that kind of stuff, let alone be SCARED ABOUT IT!!!!!! SLOW DOWN!
I agree with whoever said (I think it was West) wait and see where you are and what's going on 3 months from now . . . we haven't had ANYONE dating in a new relationship for quite awhile now, but I know Becky, Andrea, me and some others all hit the 3 month dating mark around the same time - - - and although it didn't end ANY of us, I know *I* totally believe in the 3 month bump.
It's too early for the girls to meet. I don't know that I'd wait 3 full months to meet them - but I know for SURE I would date this guy AT LEAST a month before I introduced him to my child - and to introduce my child to HIS child.
I'm glad you are enjoying each other, and are both on the same page. But if this is the love of a lifetime, what's the rush??????
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
As far as the other child thing it easy for me to think that because I have thought about BEFORE ever dating a person with children. The homes needing work and the employment thing I only brought up because right now neither of us have health insurance and we spoke of it and we also talked about our current home improvement things that we were involved in so we could sell our homes.
Hope that cleared it up LOL.
L
Who knows - he could have some deep seeded emotional issue like all the rest. I am willing to find out but I have a really good feeling about this one. I am just trying to enjoy it.
We have actually already talked about a lot of this. the good thing is if/when we do it eill be something both of us have to do and understand the implications of it. Not just mr. single jo-sho who can just bail and go back to bachelorhood when the going gets tough. This isn't going to be a "come-over-every-night" type of courtship so I am sure it will move at an according pace.
I don't think there is any set formula. Whether this is the guy or not. If it is great but no one is to say IF it is it will take years until he proposes or even months or weeks or at all for that matter. I know that my dad proposed to my mom on the first date and meant it. How fast or slow things go usually are based on where the people are at in their lives and if they want to be married or just scoping things out.
We are both over-analysers so we might just analyze this to death - who knows.
But I sure as heck like this man and I think there is a chance for more dates and a great friendship. I am not going to be totally not expecting the big heave-ho though for a while (for person protection of course and Alyse too)
L
I have not encouraged you to date right away, or at all. I'm not sure who has, so I won't say anything else about that. I've encouraged you to be your own person...
About "finding someone when you're not looking"...Having a personal ad in IS looking. Which is fine if that's what you want to do, but don't say you're not looking when you have an ad in. Be honest with yourself.
And thinking about having children with a man you've just met IS overanalyzing, so if you're trying not to overanalyze...RELAX!!! Don't think about a future with this guy, positive OR negative...
So yes, I believe it is entirely possible to have that “magic.” Truthfully, I never felt that before with any of my prior boyfriends or my ex-husband. With all of them, it was more of a slow approach where I thought they had good qualities, they were attractive, we had chemistry and they were worth getting to know better. With them I slowly warmed up to each one for their possibilities. But with D I was like a runaway train. I couldn’t stop myself. I dived in head first and I don’t regret it. I know we were “meant to be.”
I knew about the 3 month “bump” when initial infatuation begins to subside and you start to see reality and I knew that if I fell that hard that fast and it went sour that it would be a major heartbreak for me, but I didn’t care.
I knew I could be myself around him, no games, no pretend. I didn’t feel a need to be guarded around him or to impress him. I could talk to him about anything and I could do anything I wanted and he accepted it all. And I knew I could do the same for him. This was it for me.
I did however, wait before I introduced my daughter to him or met his children. I was willing to risk my heartache, but not theirs. Also, right now should be a time for the two of you. Alone. That is such a special time and place to be with a new potential mate. Once you introduce the kids, the dynamic changes a bit.
Good luck, he sounds like a lot of fun! I wish you the best!
Also - I am not thinking of having children with him - he has one already. I want more someday with the right person but that hasn't even hit my brain at this point!
Laura
That was Alex's father who I still love and he loves me and that was my X husband Harry, Nina's father. Both men, in different ways were my big loves. Since then it hasn't hit me again, but I think I am luckier than some women; it hit me twice. So what I want to say is: Never say never.
As far as the kids meeting up, my two cents is: Try to spend as much alone time for the first month before you introduce the kids. You already dated a week now, right? So what's another 3-4 weeks without involving the kids? If this guy is still giving you the pitter patter and shallow breathing after a month, I say go for it and introduce them!
I agree with Candi in regards to posting your profile online. Yes, I agree, it's sort of a sudden ego boost, but in the back of your head WE ALL hope to find someone when we post ourselves online, in an Ad or otherwise; no matter how much denial we are in. LOL.
*As far as the dating thing everyone convinced me that I was over analyzing - which I do. And that as long as I was in a relaitonship that was committed I should just go for it. Committed meaning the guy was looking for along term REAL relationship.*
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