Everytime Our Eyes Meet....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Everytime Our Eyes Meet....
16
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 4:36pm

This Feeling inside me is almost more than I can bear....

All right, so I met P on Saturday night at a local bar. I chose it because I knew it was close (in case I needed to get home), it would be quiet (it's very small), and my friends knew where it was and how to get there (just in case-one of them knew I was there). We talked. And talked. And talked. They kicked us out after about 4 hours.

I had nothing to be worried about as far as the "face to face" connection. The chemistry might not be as spontaneously combustible as it is with R, but it isn't non-existent, and we've only met once, and I was pretty nervous to begin with. The conversation, the fact that he makes me laugh, and the fact that he's "that into me" makes up for it.

So, he said he'd like to see me again at the end of the night, I said I would too, he said he'd call me, and we parted ways (there was a very nice hug). Sunday afternoon when I logged into my messenger he had left me a very sweet IM the night before, right after getting home from our date.

We im'ed Sunday afternoon, and talked for a long time last night. We're going to dinner Friday. Then he's going to come and see the band play if dinner goes well. My friends are totally stoked, he seems excited, and I'm nervous-excited.

I'm still kind of worried, since he seems to be everything I want- I'm supposed to be dating lots of different guys before I figure out which one to be with, not find the right one the first time! Right?! So, I'm not overthinking this (or, trying not to), and just enjoying it. Him meeting my friends is sort of big for me, but even though it's only our second actual date, we have been talking for a while.

SO, there's the update. The great conversations have continued, and neither one of us has been scared off by meeting in person, if anything, we're probably both trying really, really hard not to rush headlong into this. I wish another date would come along, simply so I'd have something else to obsess over for a while. And because I feel like I'm supposed to be dating more than one guy.

By the way- I met him through Yahoo- but I'm also signed up for Match and SingleParentMeet.com. Yahoo has the most people signed up near me (I'm in the world's smallest town, and not near ANY big cities) but are they the best matches? That remains to be seen. Before him, I hadn't ever had any luck with yahoo, but I also have only been actively signed up for about a month or so.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:08pm

Yay! I'm glad you had a great first date! And I hope the next date is even better!

I know what you mean when you say "I'm supposed to be dating others" because I was determined to do the same thing last summer. I was meeting different men from the online sites and going out with the ones who could pass muster and get past my picky emailing walls (lol). I was not looking to get exclusive until I met my Hiker and then all of a sudden, I was just simply not interested in ANYONE else. We did decide on becoming exclusive later on, but I was already exclusive to him long before that, and he was too.

I think the main deal with dating different people, or even just dating one- but not being "exclusive" yet- is to just go slow. And knowing the difference between dating exclusively because you both want to, and dating exclusively by default (because there is no one else). You want to make sure you're not dating someone exclusively "by default" and vice versa- because then if someone else comes along, all of a sudden the relationship is in trouble. I think that is the key to making sure you're not settling when you date.

So while your new man seems to be everything you want- just keep enjoying his company while going slow. And keeping your eyes open for any warning signs, for any dealbreakers, and be ready to call it off if they rear their ugly heads. And hopefully, he is dating with his eyes open as well. I think you're doing GREAT- to be thinking about it, but not overthink it at the same time. :-)

Congrats on a great start!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:58pm

Well this is certainly encouraging - what a lovely first date.

Okay - so to get this straight, P is the new guy you have met online and R is the band player you liked but were not so sure about because he is not so sure?

I think it is really great that you are keeping an open mind and dating others. You sound very sane in this post.

Don't worry about finding someone good too soon - just hold back your heart and keep observing. Of course you can keep looking and dating, too - go slow - and enjoy!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 8:08pm

Yes, P is the new guy, R is the band guy. Maybe I should just call him bandguy, but something tells me I won't be posting much about him! I was sure we had chemistry, but that seems to be about all. We liked what we knew of each other, but he's just too shy for me.

I am glad I sound sane... I don't know if I feel entirely sane, and it's only because I have never had such an instant connection with anyone before. I'm trying not to read too much into anything, but so far, so good.

On another note, workguy is still on the horizon, too... maybe my song should have been "it's raining men!" Just kidding. This is actually fun. Who knew?!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 4:25pm

It's raining men is good.

Are you going to take P to watch R? I sort of chuckled at the thought of that when you mentioned you were going to go and watch the band!!

I am enjoying your stories and your comments along the way - thanks for being such a great poster and participater on our board!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 8:51pm

Yes, P is going to watch R. Is that terrible? I have had some moments, but I've basically decided that R had many many, (too many) chances with me, and he never made a move. P is a nice guy who wasn't too shy to not only make the first move but ask for a second date. I want to see the band, the rest of the guys are my friends, and underneath it all, R is too.

It won't be too weird, will it? I don't think it will, since R blew it for himself, and I'm not taking P to make R jealous, I'm taking him because I want to be with him, and it'll be nice for him to meet my friends. I think he could be something special... and my friends are dying to meet him. This works. I'm totally second guessing myself. It's only Tuesday. AAARRRGRGGGGGHHHHHHH


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:50pm
It is totally okay in my book because you never slept with R or had a relationship with him. He is just a friend.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:59pm
That's what I'm thinking, too. Thanks for making me feel better about it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:30pm

I think it's great that you're going to take him.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:07pm

Actually- this morning, R emailed me, and basically said he wanted to be friends. (Actually, he said he didn't want to date ANYONE, which makes it easy for me to not take it personally, and that he doubted we'd be able to be friends, but that he really hoped we could) I emailed him back, and said, of course we'll still be friends, we've always been friends, and it's not like either of us lied to or led the other on. Simple as that.

The only thing that bothers me, is when he said he *wanted* to date me, he could never contact me, but now that HE'S decided he doesn't, he doesn't have a problem with getting in touch? Whatever. I shouldn't even care, but I can't help but feel just the teensiest bit... dropped, I guess. Even though I dropped him in my mind a week ago, I didn't TELL him that, you know? (And maybe I should have, but there was no commitment, we hadn't even been on an actual date, so I didn't feel like I owed it to him.) I have to give him credit for being upfront and honest, I suppose.

Anyways. I guess I'm being a little childish about it- I had already decided if he called me, and I wasn't already busy, great I might go out, but otherwise, he wasn't worth my time, but now that he's basically said he doesn't like me, why should I feel hurt?

I need to get over myself! I don't want him, really, I just want him to want me, which is immature, and vain, and selfish, and incredibly stupid. So, we can be friends, and I can bring P around without it being weird. Wonderful.

So, that will work out perfectly. I WAS really into him, but I'm learning that I get over men quickly, and the fact that I got over him as quickly as I did shows me I wasn't really that into him to begin with. (it probably was the fact that he was the only guy at the time showing any interest in me- which is a concern I'm having with P, but his actions are different- completely) Plus, now I don't have to worry about things being awkward Friday. His timing couldn't have been more perfect!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 4:31pm

I bet that R got an inside tip from one of your friend's husbands. Or this could be random. I would answer that it is always great to have a friend in the band and that you are looking forward to listening to them soon.

Then forget about it. He obviously has issues and it more about those than having anything to do with you!!

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