ex already moved on, i haven't...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
ex already moved on, i haven't...
10
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 1:05pm
My ex and I were in a relationship for almost 3 years, engaged 2 of those years and have a 6 month old daughter together. the relationship was never perfect, I've actually posted on here numerous times about our problems. I was the one who choose to end the relationship, so I don't understand these feelings I've been having. He's been texting and talking online and on the phone with other girls. I have NO desire to even talk to another guy right now. We had our good times, and I really do miss him, even though I have no desire to be back with him. I don't think it would be as hard to get over him if we didn't have a daughter together and I had to see him every other day when he comes to visit her. I just don't understand how he can move on so fast! We've only been broken up a month! I just feel lonely and don't feel like our relationship meant nothing to him because it's been so easy for him! Anyone have any advice for me? I don't have girlfriends to call to have "girls nights out"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:25pm

You're probably just in mourning a lost relationship which is ok. It's okay to miss something when it's gone. BUT you got to live life and not mourn to long.

Get out there among people by volunteering for different things, or join clubs that interest you. Develop a hobby. You also can develop a group of girls for hangin with by doing these things.

Mourn but not too long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 4:24pm

I think my ex had the same problem because I moved on fairly quickly after our relationship ended. I found myself in a serious relationship only a month after my ex and I had separated. When he found out, he was furious, and flipped out -- but not on me, since I refused to talk to him.

The hardest part for you is probably seeing him every time he comes to visit your daughter. Is there anyone else you can have there (friend/family member?) to supervise when he's visiting? Then you won't have to see him and have that constant reminder of failure. It might help to heal from the loss of a relationship.

Sarah AKA XeraRose, solo mom to Lissa, 3.5 yrs

Unschooling family -- education by experience!

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love working from home!

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Sarah AKA XeraRose, mom to Lissa, 4 yrs
Baby Zarielle born July 22, 2008!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 4:42pm

What your feeling is normal, and I can totally relate. I don't want to get into my story though, as this post is about you. It will get easier as time progresses. Is there anyone else that you trust that can take your daughter for visits? Or can he come pick her up? These things would probably make it a lot easier on you so you are not forced to communicate with him unnecessarily.


Alicia 


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"Run when

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 10:45pm

I understand how you feel. I was married for 10 yrs. My ex is now dating someone, and it really bothers me. We have been separated almost 1 1/2 years, and divorced for 8 months officially.


My problem is he is dating someone now that comes over every night when he had the kids. We have a one week on, one week off deal. My oldest son (9) was "out of sorts" the last time he came to my house after staying with his dad. He was upset because the new girlfriend was "there all of the time". My ex is very bad about focusing on one aspect of his life and ignoring all of the other aspects of his life. My son said he was being ignored while "T" was there.


I am really not upset that he has a girlfriend (really), but I don't want him taking his kids for granted or ignoring them (like he did to me) - but I think I need to point it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 5:49pm

I agree with Emma that you are probably just mourning the loss of what should have been. And you are taking it personally that he has moved on so fast.

You have your whole life ahead of you now - and its happiness no longer depends on him or how fast he finds someone. It all depends on what you do with yourself now and your ability to find someone good for you. It is not a race to see who finds someone the fastest for sure :-)

Try to take good care of yourself and find some fun things to do socially. Keep us posted - we hope you stick around more!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 5:55pm

Hi Shortcake and welcome!!

To answer your question about an exh who includes the gf too much - yes I have been in that boat.

My exh found a girl with a kid and they dated for a few weeks and then decided to play house. They were together all the time when exh was with DS - which is not always consistent or frequent because he travels. They expected DS to babysit and to revel in all they did. Which upset DS to say the least.

At first I told DS that he had to communicate his feelings to his father. This is because I believe that is the best way since DS is old enough to speak his mind and be heard. But after a time it all got out of hand and I had to step in. Exh wanted DS to go and meet the girl's family for a dinner on an evening where they should have had one on one time. And DS refused to go. So I had to step in and explain DS's feelings to exh. I explained that HER family is not my DS's family - it is the family of someone his father is dating for a short time - big difference here. And that he cannot expect DS to have the same feelings towards them as him and that he especially cannot expect that given he replaces all of his one on one time with them. I said I did not care what he did - but it is all becoming a hardship at my house because I have to listen to it and do not like to see DS upset.

I also explained to him that "bonus families" or step family situations are a major cause of strife in couples and that he should read further on the matter.

Eventually they broke up.

I don't think you can really tell the other parent what to do in their personal lives or when they are with their own children unless of course it is something that endangers the child then you should take proper action right away. But in this case if the kids are old enough I would encourage them to speak up first but if they want your help you will give it and explain their feelings to their father. Of course he may listen or he may not. But that is all you can do.

Hope this helps. Welcome and hope you stick around to post in all the threads - the more the merrier. And maybe the others will have tips here too!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:23am

Thank you for offering such wonderful advice to this poster and, thus, to the rest of us. I am six months pregnant and recently ended things with my boyfriend. It hurts so badly but I doing my best to move forward.

It is going to be hard as we have agreed to joint custody of this child and I am sure he'll be dating others rather soon. It's just so hard to be strong sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:56am

I know what you mean about that, Judy.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 3:42pm
You know what? We all deal differently. You may NEVER understand how he can "move on" so fast .. but what is, IS.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 6:55pm

Aww - that is hard for you I know because I just read and responded to your other post. Somehow though, when the baby comes, you will realize how lucky you are to have one and you will realize the role that only you can play with the baby. And you will know that your time to find someone will come when the time is right for you - and this will not be dependent on what he is doing. The time that he spends away from the baby will be the time you gain.

I do hope you can find some help - like from family and friends so you don't feel too overwhelmed at first.

Keep us posted!!