Ex Is Crazy - Oh the Stress! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Ex Is Crazy - Oh the Stress! lol
4
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 4:41pm

I received papers from child support enforcement today. Since I receive temporary assistance I haven't really been keeping track if my exhusband is paying c/s or not. All the c/s that he does pay goes to the state to pay them back for my TA. Anyway, my exhusband quit his job and filed for unemployment...how you can quit and file is beyond me. Anyway, he's not been paying his c/s amount, which is a little over $200 a month. He is now behind over $1100 and has been told to pay $430 a month for so many months until he is caught up. In the papers they said they were taking his unemployment money, etc. So, now I know why he's been harrassing me!

I also found out that my ex may be on drugs (again). I received a phone call from a reliable source saying that they know for a fact that he has been using cocaine. So, what do I do about that? Can my lawyer make him get a drug/blood test? If it's true and he is on drugs, there is no possible way that I'm letting my dd go anywhere with him! So, how can I find out for sure. (He does have a history with substance abuse.) I've had to turn my phone off at night now b/c of the blocked calls that I'm receiving, and I know they're from him! He's so irratic right now and I just don't know how to deal with him or the situation!

I also called the court house today to see why I still have not received my divorce decree. My lawyer happens to be the reason. He charged me over $3000 for the divorce and I still owe him a little over $500. They said until I pay him that I will not receive the decree, which seems a little shady to me. My lawyer actually goes to church with me, which just makes me even more angry that he basically ripped me off and has been lying to me for so long. Just goes to show that not everyone is honest, even if they do happen to attend church services with you!

Just needed to vent! Thanks!

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 4:50pm

Do you have a court order the specifies visitation time?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 5:30pm

The clerk said that I am divorced - thank God for that! But I don't have any papers saying when my dd has to go for visitation. So, if I don't have any papers stating when and where, does she even have to go? His uncle is also the DA for the county in which I live in. I expressed my concern to the clerk who said that had no bearing on my case whatsoever, which I think is a lie. So, if I do end up going back to court, I'm going to number one, get a different lawyer, and number two, seek out a change of venue.

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 5:57pm

Even though you don't have the final copy signed by the judge, they would probably expect you are aware of what everyone agreed to as far as custody and visitation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:12pm

Kait,

I wanted to ask, did your lawyer TELL you why your papers were taking so long (ie. you didn't pay him in full) or did he make up excuses? I would think that a lawyer would be honest about wanting his money, don't you? I would go to his office and call him on his behaviour- make sure that there is a witness when you say, "why didn't you tell me that the only reason my divorce papers were being held up was because I still owe you $500? Why did you tell me it was because of A, B and C?" I think you paid WAY too much on a lawyer, and should you go back to court, do NOT hire another one. I went to court and had all the paperwork done on my own- AFTER spending $2000 on a lawyer who never even went to court for me! But by the time I realized that he was just going to use up the retainer before actually doing any work, I cancelled him- and got about $50 back!

So I would recommend that you spend some time looking at the law and seeing what you can do for your state when it comes to your ex doing drugs and wanting to see his daughter. The thing is, the law books are available for EVERYONE to view, not just lawyers- just they are the ones who go and study these books to make it easier for those who don't have time. Kinda like, any one can do their own bookkeeping, but some people find it easier to pay someone else to do it who've had more training in it. I was impressed at how much the clerk at the front counter helped me to ensure I had everything needed when I filed, so it wasn't rejected and sent back to me for missing information. She also gave me a few handy tips on what I might want to add in my statement. (Just so you know, I filed for full custody, full guardianship and the full amount of child support available in BC- 8% of my ex's wages.)

Do look up and see what can be done about having him tested, and then file that right away. Doing drugs endangers your child, and with his history, do not take chances with her life! It doesn't matter if your *source* is correct or not, his history is enough to warrant the application. Peace of mind is a good thing, and if he wants to see his daughter, then I think it's a reasonable thing to do.

I think you might also want to tell your ex to stop harrassing you, and if he does not, call the police. Perhaps they can have a little chat with him? I would also mention to them that his behaviour seems to be a result of him being told to pay $430 a month in maintenance because of his arrears. It's not your fault he's behind in payments, and it's not your fault that his ploy to quit his job and collect unemployment backfired since maintenance is taking it. Keep documenting every time he calls, shows up, shows up at family member's places, etc. If you do see him face to face, refuse to be alone with him, do not let him into your place, your car, etc. Do not answer the door, pretend you're not home. Do not go anywhere "just to talk". You need to be vigilant and protect yourself and your dd right now.

Good luck, keep us posted, and do check out the law books, ok?

Alison

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