The Ex Files

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
The Ex Files
68
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:16am

Hi to everyone-


I was reading Rebecca's post about the ex. I sooo feel for you, girl. Now I am a bit curious also about the

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 3:47pm

Thanks, Rebecca.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 5:22pm
Hi all. I got a divorce when my son was 1 and his Dad has been in and out of things from that point with very varying amounts of stability. Lots of live in girlfriends and on and off or greatly reduced child support that turned into no support with no explanation a few year ago. He thinks he has shared custody when in fact he see my son twice a week for two hours to take him and pick him up from karate from school and then he is supposed to keep him Friday nights until Sat evenings but he ends up taking him to his parents house instead. He has bee remarried now for about two years and separated, filing for divorce and now back with her again. Lots of fighting and a step son who tortures mine by all accounts so everything is far from rosy. No involvement at school or with homework, or for doctor's visits and very little help in the discipline or creating a structured environment for him to feel stable. It is frustrating - sometimes VERY.
I have to say though that as horrible as all of that sounds and feels to write down in a gross litany of complaints, I feel like the rest of you in that even though I am getting the lions share of everything BY FAR, it does mean I get to be with my son more and be the one to truly shape him and raise him the way I always wanted to and for that I am very grateful. I wish his Dad would stabilize but it doesnt seem likely. I have considered asking his parents to pay his child support but am not sure it is worth it to include them. We will probably head back to court this year to redo things so that they look somewhat accurate to what is actually going on instead of what he though he could do as we first split.
I am sad to say also that ever since my bf moved in, my X has been less and less present. I thought it might open his eyes to see another man interacting in a parenting role with his child for the first time but it seems to have done the opposite. I am just happy my son has a male role model who loves both of us.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:01pm

even though I am getting the lions share of everything BY FAR, it does mean I get to be with my son more and be the one to truly shape him and raise him the way I always wanted to and for that I am very grateful.


You have very thoughtfully and eloquintly said what is a wonderful sentiment...a true silver lining. Thank you for sharing this.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:06pm

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:12pm

Well Mr A plus just got another F in Reliability and Punctuality. DD just called me to say Dad's not there yet....again 15 minutes late already. Sigh. I know he's working nights and going to school, but still..I can't have my DD sit there alone waiting.


I guess I had this on the back of my mind, his escalating unreliability lately, hence the thread. I do appreciate he is better than what you have to deal with in TAZ. So

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:14pm

Are they in your life? Are they in your kid's lives? Are they involved? Is the relationship between you and him healthy as far as cooperation for the kids? Does he help with finances, and things like that? Or- is he 100 percent out of the picture? Or maybe you just wish he was?

I have three babies daddies.... although i was only married to two of them...

EX#1 - he has custody of my two oldest... we have an amicable arrangement now... i think because they are teenagers they have more say on when they want to come over (things are about to change after the move but it will work out). We aren't friends but we're not enemies anymore and only converse about visitation days/times and probably nothing else....

EX#2 - wasn't married to this one... he pays child support (for the most part)... we are amicable ... but he will often call to say he won't be picking up his child.... every now and then he'll complain about something... no big deal.

EX#3 - the psycho! I have a 5 yr NO CONTACT order (expiring in 2011) because of his criminal past, abusiveness, and drug addiction. I have sole custody of my two daughters with him. He only has supervised visits with his mom but only sees them a few times a year. Child Support Enforcement handles the child support and i'll see a few checks throughout the year (not much but it helps). I'm not bitter... just very grateful that i don't have to deal with him directly. I've let it go!!!

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

Loonbunny

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:03pm

I initiated my divorce after working on my marriage for two years.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:28pm

Then there is me...


I am not going to be much into this, because it is a painful situation that only makes me see rage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:52pm

Hi, great questions!!


Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 9:36pm

OMG! I am blamed for EVERYTHING. My childrens Dad's can do all wrong, but whoaaaaaa HEAVEN FORBID Mommy forgets ANYTHING! I'm basically burned to a stake then! I make sure that anything I promise is set through. That if I DO have to postpone something then it's only a postponement BUT NOT a promise broken. The children have gone through so many heartaches and empty promises that I give the last of my sweat to make sure they never have disappointment with me. However, I am human and if it does come up, they skin me alive. I am never allowed to make a mistake, I am super human to them. I get also blamed for anything or anything concerning mood swings or bad days. However, at the end of the day, I am loved like no other and I treasure the good, the bad and the ugly days. Time goes by so quickly that soon they will be gone and

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