The Ex Files

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
The Ex Files
68
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:16am

Hi to everyone-


I was reading Rebecca's post about the ex. I sooo feel for you, girl. Now I am a bit curious also about the

~Pacific~

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:51pm

Wow... such a history! I really admire you for being so self sufficient, resilient, and positive!

So I wonder if you found any patterns in yourself with he two fathers you picked to have relationships with and how the men you are picking are the same and different? Obviously with them, they both are negligent fathers but I wonder what qualities, personalities, background, temperament, or characteristics that are similar?

Mark who always looking at patterns and relationships....





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 8:21am
That's part of what my ex does.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:03am

I can knowingly answer that quickly:


My Dad left us on Christmas Day when I was 8 years old. He dropped me like a hot potatoe and picked up a new life that included step children and new wife. If he could have, he would have never have paid child support and he is a wealthy man, but he was able to screw my mom out of paying almost anything, because she is german and didn't know the US law. But she isn't without faults either.


My Dad was of 3 boys raised by a single mom, so that is the one thing I never understood. His father was an alcoholic and died when my father was 13. My Dad overtook the family role and my grandmother worked herself to the bone to put all of them through college, they also all went to military, but they

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 10:00am

Okay--this morning my son asks me "do I look like garbage?"

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 10:26am

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 11:36am

One thing I noticed in Match.com or other online things, is that they contact me. So something in my profile must indicate that I am a good victim, but the issue is, once they notice I really am not, they are gone. Sooo, for me it's about keeping them away. I don't let them victimize me. I am very strong in nature and character. Once they realize all of that they split. Sooooo, it is about weeding out the bad in the first place, but HOW do you do it?


Isn't there that fine line about making sure you give everyone a chance without banishing them? I mean Shrimpy has pointed that out in the past to me that I can't just cut the cord on someone because one or two things isn't perfect. However..... if the pattern shows? WHERE IS THE LINE? How do we pick without being judgemental? I mean, I don't want to be judged, but I know because of the two children from two different men that I am horribly judged at all times without even knowing the real background. It's awful and humiliating to meet a really nice, educated, nice background, financially, funny and stable man and then they find out I have had to failed relationships that result in two children from two different partners. It makes them look at me like: WHAT did she do? What red flag does she have?


IT SUCKS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 12:16pm

even though I am getting the lions share of everything BY FAR, it does mean I get to be with my son more and be the one to truly shape him and raise him the way I always wanted to and for that I am very grateful.


You have very thoughtfully and eloquintly said what is a wonderful sentiment...a true silver lining. Thank you for sharing this.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 12:18pm

What you said soonee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 12:24pm
I'm a single mom, widowed, so no my DH isn't an active part of the kids lives. They do look to their uncle for a bit of that role sometimes I think. They have not met my BF of almost 4 mths... I know they'll attach immediately to him, and he'll attach to them so we're holding off but at the same time seeing it as a matter of "when" and not a matter of "if" he'll meet them.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 12:24pm

Wow......


I am so touched by all of these accounts of our histories and experiences. I wanted to thank everyone for replying- I know it's hard to recount the painful past. You are all so amazing to me. Every single situation I read made me feel I know you all better, and I am truly awed by the perseverance, strength and battles you all have overcome. It simply moves me.


Loony- Your forgiveness is an incredible thing, and your'e so wise beyond your years. What a blessing you are able to retain your incredible spirit and humor, and have become a wonderful person. Amazing how our past can make us brighter, lighter, and warm!


Mark- I wanted to say that I found your account very honest, you are so open and willing to see yourself. It blows me away. Thank you for your candid response and letting us get to know this part of you. You are so insightful, and no doubt your past experience played into who you are- you wisely took that past and made yourself better. Your post is so thoughtful.


Cat- You are one amazing lady, everything you have gone through. And there you are, being the rock for your girls.

~Pacific~

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