ex husband is getting married
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| Wed, 11-10-2004 - 11:21am |
Well the day has arrived that anyone who is divorced thinks about...
"When your ex gets remarried"
This will be #3 for him. He is marrying the OW from our marriage. It will be on Valentines day.
I am not upset-- just dumbfounded a little --
You see it took FOREVER to get divorced mostly because HE dragged it out(from separation to finalization 3 years). His first marriage he has a child he hasnt seen since the child was 2 years old (child will be 18 next week) . And then there is our marriage where we had the twins and he pays NO child support because he works the system to dodge it. NOW hes getting married again?? It doesnt make sense.
BUT mostly I am concerned for my boys because they do not like this woman at all...we had issues where she used corporal punishment on them months back where I was very close to calling CPS (ex has vistation every other weekend only) . It did stop. They have been put thru way too much for only being 9 years old. I feel terrible. They will cry when they hear this news. They still held out hope naturally that mommy and daddy would get back together one day.
Anyone been thru this one?

Yes, my ex got married about 3 months after we divorced mainly because she was pregnant. My poor children were so distraught...all I could do was try and help them at home. We had a lot of very tough years where they did not even want to see their father. Wow, when I look back then, I can still remember having to reprogram my kids ever single weekend they were with him. It would take me at least 3 days to get them back to normal. They were so angry with him and her for getting married so quickly having another child. They never talked with the boys or her daughter about anything. They just went ahead and did it. Two summers ago was the 1st time my children wanted to see their dad and Step Mom, they have been together about 5 yrs.
The only advice I have to offer is just be there for them, listen to them.
Lori
MaryBeth, I haven't been, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your kids, and I wish and hope that the transition they'll be dealing with will be as easy as possible on them.
Why are you predicting that the boys will cry upon hearing this news? In our divorce class they told us that the kids will take on the adults' attitudes...the better you can deal (in the case of the class, the split) and the kids see you being ok with it, the better that they can absorb the change. Try that...try putting a positive spin on it...I know it's tough to take the high road...and the x is so underserving...but it's for the kids' health, not him.
Did you document the corporal punishment? I think these things are important to document and to create a paper trail in case you have to face a judge about things.
Listen to your kids talk about their feelings, give them opportunities to let things out...you can't fix anything for them, but you can hear them out. It's a big gift.
Thanks - I am always staying positive for the boys well in front of them anyway! Thats never an issue. EVEN when the corporal punishment issue came up. I didnt verbally insult her in front of the boys when they yelled and screamed how much they HATED her, called her "the ugliest woman in america" - they have ANGER regardless towards their father and I try to ammend that and make light of it to give them some peace because hes their father and they love him regardless.
The will be upset because yet again their father has
Mel
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