Feel lonely
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| Sat, 09-13-2008 - 8:14pm |
With the return of the ghost I haven't been feeling so good. He has been very nice to me on the phone, but I still am not sure I want to go down this road.
Really, what I think I miss is having someone who is there for me, and what I mean is just knowing that some other grownup has my back and wants me to be happy. I feel so lonely. I love my kids, I have recently reconnected with some old friends, and my job is good, but still feel very alone.
Last night I had a car accident (no one hurt except my car and my pride) on my way to seeing him, after I had dinner with some old girlfriends from college. He called me and sent me text messages checking on me while I was waiting for the police, and sent me a text at 1 am saying he was glad I was OK. Today, I talked to him and he asked a lot about the details and how I was, but he was working (he really was) and said he would call back later. Part of me would like it, part of me doesn't want him to, part of me is obsessing stupidly about when/if he'll call. I hate that feeling.
I am really up for meeting someone who will be nice to me and not play any games. My concern is that my loneliness will cause me to keep seeing this guy instead of looking for someone else.
And, to compound things, I really don't know where or how to meet someone. I have tried on-line (where I met the ghost) and don't seem to really get anywhere, I work in an elementary school which isn't a hotbed of 40-something single men, I work after school, my only in-town friend has a boyfriend who she goes away to see every other weekend...how do you women meet people? Plus, feeling this crappy is not the best way to present myself.
Deep down, I have to give this guy the boot, I know. I was kind of getting in a good place mentally but now I feel back to square one. I wish I could understand why this is making me so sad.

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Hi, I know how you feel although I am not dating anyone. But I totally get the loneliness thing. Also, I do not know where to meet men, I go to the Y to work out 5-6 times a week and still don't meet single men. I do know that I need to keep working on me so that I can be the best "me" when I do meet someone.
((Hugs))
at least you are recognizing how you are feeling. that's a really important first step.
and some days it's two steps forward and one step back... one day at a time.
love,
Loonybunny
I am trying not to overthink, which is proving really hard. It's ironic that I sent that nasty text so I could move on, and the pooper is now being nice to me. That conflicting feeling is NOT what I was after because I was SO sure I wouldn't hear anything back! We talked today and are going to touch base later in the week. Hopefully I will have gained some perspective by then.
Thanks for the kind thoughts.
I went through this same thing recently, and its still going on.. in fact I posted about it when I was really bummed. Funny about your accident.. because it was a break-in and an accident that made me go into the exact same slump.
I think that when people are (excuse my french) "Half-A$$" in your life it can make you feel more lonely than if you were actually alone. At least thats what I'm feeling. I have friends and dates that kinda care, but I'm lacking that feeling that anyone really cares besides my Mother and even when it comes to my Mother it always ends up in a lecture. I felt like I had a partner that cared to the core in Heartbreaker, and I think thats why it did and still does bother me so much. Not even my husband acted like he ever cared that much. Its probably been 12 years since I felt that from someone. I crave it so much that in turn makes me even more lonely. Heartbreaker slightly coming into my life didn't really make it better or worse either.
Medic called me on it one day.. he said "you get pretty lonely sometimes don't you?" and there was no way to really lie about that, I am a horrible liar, it kind of took me off guard and I stumbled on my tongue a bit but I answered.. yah, sometimes I just get very lonely. Even my ex-husband asked what was wrong with me because I just have not been myself latly.
I have no advice.. projects and time with the girls are great, but the thoughts are still in my head. Its not that I NEED a man to complete me.. its just that I think I just crave to have someone who really does care, and have that partner in life to share things with.
I sometimes wonder if its a social thing. I'm a very very social person and I often wondered if thats why it bothers me so much.
Edited 9/14/2008 7:24 pm ET by trauma_junkie
Edited 9/14/2008 7:27 pm ET by trauma_junkie
I know what you mean about two steps forward...thank God for my sister-in-law who has gotten me through those one step back days lately.
I keep forgetting that I have some power in any relationship. I got so bamboozled by my ex into believing that it was all about his needs that I think I need to apply post-it notes all over my house as a reminder that I count, too!
How about joining some meet up groups. I joined a ton of meet up groups but never found time to go . Me and Biker are planning to go and make new friends once the baby is here.
Around here there are meet up groups like- for hiking, nature photograph, reading books.. plenty of chance to bond with men who actually have some interest rather than meeting online or at a club or party.
that's actually NOT a bad idea. post-it notes of affirmation all over the house.
"I am beautiful"
"I am smart"
"I am a great catch"
and on and on.... when you count your blessings, it multiplies your joy!
I know exactly how you feel. My ex didn't care. Even with this last accident, at least Mr. Ghost spent more time on the phone with me making sure I was ok, and even followed up yesterday with more concern/questions.
My ex, never even asked any details of the accident (I had called him Saturday to complain about no CS payment again)...that happened once before when the kids and I got hit by an 18 wheeler in Delaware (we were living in RI at the time), and my ex's response was, no lie, I cleaned the kitchen...
but it is so hard to feel so alone, because you know what you are missing.
but it is so hard to feel so alone, because you know what you are missing.
i can sooo relate to that. after my divorce and two years of just working on me and not dating, i got to a peaceful place of being single. Then, as you saw, with my last heartbreaker, TG, i remembered what i'm missing and it was hard getting over him. And it wasn't him
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