Feel lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Feel lonely
14
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 8:14pm

With the return of the ghost I haven't been feeling so good. He has been very nice to me on the phone, but I still am not sure I want to go down this road.

Really, what I think I miss is having someone who is there for me, and what I mean is just knowing that some other grownup has my back and wants me to be happy. I feel so lonely. I love my kids, I have recently reconnected with some old friends, and my job is good, but still feel very alone.

Last night I had a car accident (no one hurt except my car and my pride) on my way to seeing him, after I had dinner with some old girlfriends from college. He called me and sent me text messages checking on me while I was waiting for the police, and sent me a text at 1 am saying he was glad I was OK. Today, I talked to him and he asked a lot about the details and how I was, but he was working (he really was) and said he would call back later. Part of me would like it, part of me doesn't want him to, part of me is obsessing stupidly about when/if he'll call. I hate that feeling.

I am really up for meeting someone who will be nice to me and not play any games. My concern is that my loneliness will cause me to keep seeing this guy instead of looking for someone else.

And, to compound things, I really don't know where or how to meet someone. I have tried on-line (where I met the ghost) and don't seem to really get anywhere, I work in an elementary school which isn't a hotbed of 40-something single men, I work after school, my only in-town friend has a boyfriend who she goes away to see every other weekend...how do you women meet people? Plus, feeling this crappy is not the best way to present myself.

Deep down, I have to give this guy the boot, I know. I was kind of getting in a good place mentally but now I feel back to square one. I wish I could understand why this is making me so sad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: startover96
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 1:48pm

((((((Hugs))))))


I'm sorry and I understand! I think even something like the minor car accident can really bring lonliness into focus. You just wish youy had that someone to call, who would be there for you. I really do know that feeling...before I was dating BE and in fact also before I got married I had that feeling.


To me, one thing kept coming into my head that made me feel lonely. I would say to myself 'I just want to be SOMEONES number one. I'm not anyones first thought or number one'. That thought used to really brng me down.


At one point I joined a women's support group. It was part of a family therapy counseling group. I met some great friends there. It really helped quiet the lonliness. And another thing I learned to do when I felt lonly was to begin to see myself as my own best friend. I's change the dialog in my head and say ' am my own number one' And I can find things I love to do. And I'll treat myself with the utmost respect. I deserve to treat myself well and be my own friend, when no one else is.' Sounds crazy, but affirmations work!


What do you like to do, as far as interests out side of the home?


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: startover96
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 6:31pm

'I just want to be SOMEONES number one"

I remember saying this exact thing to my ex. I said all I wanted from him was to be number one and he said he couldn't do that...I was pretty far down on the list when he went over it.

I have started to get back into artwork and reaching out to old friends who I left behind because I was so embarrassed about my ex's behavior. I've been pretty lucky that the response has been excellent. So I am really trying to work on that angle of things.

But it is at these times, like this accident, when I really just wanted to know someone was there. I didn't feel like I could ask Mr. Ghost to help me out, cause we only started speaking again three days before that (I think if I had been hurt, he probably would have come, but I kept telling him I was taking care of everything, and my brother was standing by just in case.)

I want someone to ask me about my day, ask me what I want for dinner, someone to just share grown up stuff. I don't want to get married at this point, or even want someone around on a daily basis, but just to know that someone wants to be with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
In reply to: startover96
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 6:55pm

Yah.. I've had this song in my head ALL day now lol...


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: startover96
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:11am

This is a normal feeling.

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