Feeling A Bit Ignored
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Feeling A Bit Ignored
| Fri, 08-03-2007 - 11:06am |
Dating a guy going on 3mths now, have known him for over a year. His xwife and her bf are having a bday party for his daughter this weekend and he did not ask me to go with him. Theres a 2nd party with his family Sat and he didnt invite me to that one either. Should I be upset about this? We are very close friends and Im a bit surprised he didnt ask me. Is this a sign that he is not very interested in me?

Has he told you about the parties but excluded you? Or did he tell you and just assume you were going to join him. If he is excluding you, you may want to ask why. If you are dating exclusively and his x has moved on, you should be included.
Good luck
Priscilla
What is the character of the dates?
Have you talked about exclusivity? About long term life goals and expectations etc? Has he been to family events with you?
Sharing an experience with the ex of your lover could cause your lover a lot of anxiety, so I wouldn't worry too much. It brings some of the past (which maybe should be past) into the present. 3 months isn't that long, really. Has he told you much about her. I have been dating a man for 7 months and would really hesitate to introduce him to my ex even now.
It largely depends on the pace of your relationship.
Fill in the blanks and don't take it too personally. You are still getting to know him and if he had his mind made up about you already, it would be too soon.
If you are nuts about him, it is understandable that you feel a bit bruised about it, but don't let it get to you very much.
:)
Maybe he just isn't ready yet? 3 months is not that long. But it would be something to watch for the future and maybe to bring up in conversation when the time is right?
How long has he been divorced? Maybe he is not ready to announce he is dating?
Hugs to you! I've been there.
I think it's very normal for you to be feeling a bit upset about this, but I don't think you should let this become a huge issue between you two. I mean- it IS only 3 months still- and it's still quite early in your relationship.
I've been dating my Hiker for 2 yrs now- and I remember going through the same thing when we were still new. He had things going on with his kids (grown daughters) and he'd mention them to me, but didn't invite me. I did feel a bit pushed-away or left out during that time, but really... it was still early in the relationship and I had no place to make it into a big deal.
Although at the time, I knew I liked him alot and wanted to be a part of his world and get to know his family.
Some of the boardies might know all about that time. And when I hadn't met his ex yet... and how that whole situation was touchy even though I didn't feel like it should be (she had moved on, why can't he?) but yet it still was. I was not invited and I didn't like it. But I also agreed with the "let's go slow" mantra and so I had to let myself back off.
It took about 9 months or so (which seemed like a long time when it was happening!) but he eventually started inviting me to join him on his family gatherings so his daughters could finally meet me. It just had to be on HIS time frame... because it's his family. I can't sit here and force the issue, but just sit back and trust that eventually it would happen. Sure, I didn't like being left out- but it all worked out when the time was right.
Not an easy thing, that's for sure!!! So here is a boatload of cyberchocolate for you. Being patient isn't easy. But as more time passes, the more you'll start to see that '3 months' is just a flicker of time in building a relationship. And so I wouldn't push him. Especially if you feel good about your relationship the rest of the time. This part will come around.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<