Feeling like a Brat, but not....
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| Fri, 06-15-2007 - 11:09am |
Ok, so I am always gushing how wonderful M is and he is, but last night, he grated on my nerves.
As you know I have no support system here in NC so when the kids get sick or ANYTHING happens, I am the only one on point. Even if I lived near my sister in Texas, I still would have to do it all alone, because she has her own life with her own 3 kids and hubby. I don't want to sound like a pity party, but last night, M just made me feel like some meany to my kids, because my last nerves were on the brink. I know they are leaving in a few days, but I am sooo exhausted and both have high fevers and strep now. I have lack of sleep and sometimes, I feel like he just doesn't get the 'brunt' of my responsibilties compared to his, because even though he has his kids full time, they still are with their mom's every Wednesday and every other weekend and I don't have that luxury. His X will take them to the Doctor appointments, Hair appointments, and whatever else on her free time, so that helps him out alot as well. My time, which will be the last time this year, is all clumped together. I know others have it much worse, and I am being really whiney, but when he told me we are in the same boat, I felt irritated. He keeps saying he was dealt bad cards, but reality is, he still has pretty good cards compared to mine. My children don't have a Dad, his have a supportive Dad, Mom, his parents, etc. I don't belittle that and I don't want to make a contest out of it, but this is what I wrote:
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I don't think we'll see each other this weekend. I have to make sure Alex is all well and I don’t foresee her going to the event tomorrow night. Guess I'll see. She is very sick at the moment. I still have lots of washing and packing to do, etc. I've been wearing myself out way to thin lately, so I need to catch up with stuff.
When we talked last night and I mentioned having to figure out how to do this and that regarding the girls, you said, you are in the same boat. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I know you have SO much and you DO so much raising your girls. And in no means do I mean to have a contest of who has more challenges as a single parent. However, I do not have anyone here. You have your X wife involved with the girls and you get a break now and again. I don't. I don't think you understand the true difficulties when you have no family or support net of any kind. Sometimes you just look at me like I'm crazy, but in all honesty, I'm very depleted right now, because I haven't had a break all year. Except for the 3 days they were in Disneyland and last year before they went to Germany, I had none. I'm just happy I don't have my mom on top of it and I have my health back, but I am sometimes really tired and in all reality, sometimes I feel I can't talk to you about it. It surely doesn't mean I don't love my children any less then you yours, etc, but it just means that it really gets very hard sometimes for me financially alone and raising them all alone, with no help whatsoever. I know we have never truly touched base on that, but sometimes, I really hope and wish you sit back and take consideration of that a little more and understand why sometimes I feel out of sorts and frustrated.
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I know I won't get a response, as usual, but you know what? Maybe I am just WAY to exhausted with only 3 hours of sleep, but at this time, I just don't really care anymore. I'm too tired to care if he responds or not. He's a great man, I can't say enough good about him and I know he is just trying to sympathize with me, but sometimes the sympathizing sounds like he is exactly in the same boat and he knows exactly where I am coming from. I know he does usually, but again, at some point, he knows, he has a breather and that helps him get a new focus on parenthood. So when I am really exhausted and irritated with the girls, he looks at me as if I some horrible wacked out mother, because I scold them, get upset and on the verge of tears, because I don't have that breather all year around. I know I'm being a whiner, a serious one and I know the girls will be gone in a few days, so that I finally get that chance, but I know when they come back that will be it for another very long time, if not longer. I just wished it wasn't so clumped. :(
Edited 6/15/2007 11:11 am ET by myprecioustwo

I do admire you for the load you carry. I can only try to understand your frustration - but do not have the same because I only have 1 kid and I do get a break. I do sympathize.
I don't see a problem. I think you articulated yourself very well. I am so happy for you that you can set a boundary and take a break and stay home with the kids to get your stuff one. This is good good good stuff. You are right on the money and will only become more desirable!
I don't think you should do anything else than what you have done. Get caught up with the house, spend time with the kids, get the laundry done, get some sleep. Take a break from M. And then when you are all done and the kids are gone and you have sleep it will all be well.
He responded with: I think it's a good idea you get your things done this weekend so I am not a distraction.
Gee thanks. Whatever.
It is alright - his feelings probably got hurt a little. I bet you get another call or email later asking how you are doing as he cools down.
I think the part you wrote about him not understanding probably got him upset. Because he probably really thought he did understand.
And maybe he misses you :-)
think of the flip side - you don't have your kids and he is very busy with his and you were looking forward to seeing him and he sends you a note like that? You would be bummed, too.
I think you need to be careful that you set a boundary and get your stuff done on an all the time basis so you don't get strung out and stressed. That is something I have to watch, too. Because the funny thing is that it takes so little to throw us all over the edge when we get overworked.
I totally and completely understand.
I just thought of one more thing. In addition to all you do and having sick kids - which would be enough to throw me over the edge, you have to pack for them to be away in EUROPE for over a month!!!!! That is not like sending them off to Disney world with a few tee shirts and bathing suits for a week or weekend. They have to fly a long way and have clothes for cold weather plus a bit of warm weather. Plus Europe is more dressy and it is a long time for them to be away.
Somehow we have to have a private virtual party for you when you do get your space. The silence and neatness of the house will be like gold for you!!