feeling defeated

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
feeling defeated
10
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:02pm
Hi, new here. I'm feeling down today about being single. I have ended a relationship very recently for lack of feelings and desire on my part and his insecurities and nontrusting jealous issues. That I'm ok with mostly. I felt like I was settling because he was good to my son and to me, but I felt no connection. So what brought on this terrible defeated feeling was a conversation with the ex before (who had also broke my heart). We are sort of friends but don't talk much because it is hard for me. That being said, he informs me that now he has a girlfriend. Of course I'm taken back and shocked but not really. I said 'good for you' and left it at that, and I do want him to be happy. But it gets me thinking, here I am , still single. And all of my friends are in serious relationships or married. Now this a$$ has somebody, and even my a$$ exh still has a g/f. What is wrong with me? It seems anyone I am interested in, doesn't feel the same or can't see themselves with a single mom. OR there are guys interested in me but I don't like them or they are too old (no offense). I'm 28 with a 7 year old just feeling alittle down. I've got great friends, good job and am usually positive and outgoing and getting flirted with alot, but it just doesn't seem to work out? Any uplifting words?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:08pm

I think it's normal to feel the way you are feeling. But all those people you know who are in relationships - they probably don't all have the kind of healthy, fulfilling relationship you are seeking, they may very well have settled for less and will one day look back and wish they had spent more time looking for the right person.

(((HUGS)))

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:17pm

We have all felt defeated like you. You've got to stop comparing yourself to other people. So what if the whole world is coupled up? Get yourself happy.

I did this too. When I felt my lowest, I started getting out there and doing things. Meeting people. I made a new friend (girl). I got so happy, guess what happened? A great guy saw that I'm a great girl. He thinks I'm smart, sexy, beautiful and a ton of other wonderful things....because that's the attitude I had about myself when we met.

If I was alone again, I'd like to think I'd find my way back to happiness. You can't count on other people and circumstances to make you happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:23pm

Welcome and sorry to hear of your pain!!

"What is wrong with me?"
Only one thing - you are comparing yourself to your ex!!

Many good people are single and waiting for the right person. You did the right thing by not settling and by moving on from the person you were just with. You will be okay!!

Take good care of you - tell us more about you and your kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:23pm
This is the BEST advice!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 2:55pm
Wow, thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice!! I do need to get out of this little pity party for myself and count my blessings. It seems that its all how you look at things. I was dwelling on everyone elses bliss, and not realizing that it's not always as it seems. I'm trying to be patient and just enjoy singledom, I guess that phone call just through me for a loop. I hate that he still has the ability to pull at my heart strings. sigh... but I know I will get through. Thanks again, you guys are really great. And I do have the best little guy ever. Thankfully I stay really busy following him around... cubscouts, little league, childrens choir. It's just the two of us, so we really count on each other. Thinking about him puts better perspective on really *needing* a guy to just wanting one around once in awhile, just to see the great little life we got. Maybe one day...
big hug from me
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 3:29pm
Hello! It's another day and what a difference. I just got my hair highlighted and I'm feeling great! My stylist suggested joining a gym to meet new people. I think I just might. Well just wanted to say thanks and its a good day!
a little grace 4 the moment
Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 4:27pm

Welcome to the board! I read both your messages so I know you're having a much better day today. That's the way! A haircut always does it for me.
And I agree with what some others said. You could have settled for a "Okay" relationship but you didn't want that. Yes, everyone can have relationships all around you but just remember, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. They might not all be very good relationships and some are probably really lousy. So don't envy them.
You want a great relationship and some day you will find it. Until then, be a positive, upbeat, interesting woman and keep loving that little boy.

And keep posting!
Hugs
Tara

 

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 6:29am
Nothing beats getting out of the glum, like pampering yourself with a new hairdo, manicure, facial, or whatever. It lifts me up right away! I was feeling the pity party forever, when all my X's were in relationships and I was still dating hundreds of men that were all duds. It's been 8 months since I have dated and I feel great, but it took almost 4 years to reach being ok with myself. We all have tried right from the start to get back into a relationship and usually into a bad one at that, to get out again and get into another bad one. At some point most of us ladies just were so busy with ourselves and so happy to finally come to terms with being alone that we no longer care about the dating scene. If a guy does show up in our lives, then he better be into us, otherwise, it's called: NEXT! We no longer settle. I love this board, because it's the women on here that kept saying that to me over and over again, until it crept into my thick skull. Now I couldn't be happier. One day someone terrific will come along. It'll happen to you darlin! It'll happen for all of us. Though it can get frustrating, it just takes some patience and no waiting around or looking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:05am

I SO agree with your post, Catherine, and I am in exactly the same boat!!

I am so happy for you that you are doing much better now. I know that good things are going to come. I really hope you enjoy your trip to NC and the states. How long has it been since you have been stateside?

Keep us posted!!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 9:45am
It's been over 3 years since I've been stateside. I am really looking foward to it. I am very happy with my single life. I have so much to think about and to do , that I don't think I could fit another man in my life anytime soon. I'm not closing the door on it, but it would have to really be someone that KNOCKS my socks off. ;)