Feeling guilty!
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Feeling guilty!
| Thu, 04-24-2008 - 10:08am |
Sometimes I wish I could clone myself. There are days that I feel like I am just too tired to make choices anymore.
I volunteered about a month ago to chaperone my youngest DD's field trip tomorrow. Then my 17 (DD) announces last night that her mock trial team is going to the county championships again this year. A card is drawn to see which school will be the prosecution and which will be the defense (each team has both and doesn't usually know until a day or two before the trial which will be participating). Of course we drew the defense card and my DD is a defense witness so she will be participating in this trial. Ouch!

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I would ask the father to attend even though it isnt his thing. My ex is a total flake when it comes to being there for my son but on rare occasion when I put my pride aside and just leave a message which is only about DS and say something like " hey I dont usually come out and ask stuff like this but I am in a bind trying to do stuff for XXX as promised but I really really feel like XXXX needs some support. Can you see if your schedule would let you do this? I am feeling horrible about it and need some support" Show some vulnerability and just ask. It cant hurt, right? I should mention that even though our realtionship is strained, EVERY time I have done this, he has come through.
Also, if he still cant do it, are there any other family members that could sub for you? I think if your 17 year old saw you trying to find someone or working to resolve it, it might make things feel better even if you come up with nothing, you know?
I can absolutely relate to how you are feeling right now.
I talked to him last night. Told him the situation, his exact words "Not my problem". Nothing new.
I can't believe he responded that way!!! As in being there for DD is helping YOU out?!?!? It's called supporting your own daughter!!!!!! Ugh that he responded that way. No WONDER he is an ex!!!!
(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) but we all know that HE is the one who is missing out. And he'd better not complain later, if he finds that the kids don't want a relationship with him. Sheesh!
You know you are a good person for feeling bad that you can't be at both events for both DDs... but don't start stirring that guilt pot- because these things happen! I know that mommy guilt just flows anyway... but it does sound like your older DD understands- because if you weren't committed to something already- she knows you'd BE THERE in a heartbeat. Sometimes that counts just as much- for the kids to KNOW that.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Ah, Mommy Guilt.
I gotta tell you that things like this were his excuse for having an affair. "I spent too much time running with the kids, couldn't miss anything. I never wanted to be home with him so I pushed the kids into sports and things just I wouldn't have to be"
The kids already know which parent that they can depend on. They all already
I LOVE the idea of taping. Made a call to the school and unfortunately as it is a mock trial in a real court room with a real judge, no videotaping allowed. Thanks for the stab in the dark though.
The 'Mom and Me' day is a good one and I already do that now. At least once a week I set aside time for each of the girls alone. The age difference helps to be able to do this. What one likes to do is not necessarily what the other does. Also, I still manage to make some alone time with my son, about once a month at the very least. It is usually the drive to or from school but even that much gives enough time to just chat.
Thanks again for your suggestion...it was worth a try!
I gotta tell you that things like this were his excuse for having an affair. "I spent too much time running with the kids, couldn't miss anything. I never wanted to be home with him so I pushed the kids into sports and things just I wouldn't have to be"
MEN--geesh!
April
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