Feeling a little better
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| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:08pm |
I am still sad most of the time. I think I cried more this week than I did last week, but I'm also starting to have some moments of 'feeling good.' I don't know if I'm past the worst part, but I think I'm nearing the end of the worst part. I had therapy last night and it is always helpful. I think my therapist is sad! He seems to have been rooting for J and I to work out more than I thought!
J hasn't called again. I must have said something right to get the message across that I can not be FWB and I need to be alone. I have moments I want to call him. He was the person I could talk to about anything, the person I talked to the most this past year 1/2. He had the best advice, comments and suggestions no matter what I was dealing with (job, parenting, family, anything). He made me laugh, and I could see in his eye's that it made him happy to make me laugh. I miss him so much. But I've said everything I can say to him about what I need and want, and he can't give me that so now it's time to let go. Talking to him again will only make it harder. I just keep reminding myself of that.
I looked at my desk today and it certainly is the desk of a girl with a broken heart. I have a bag of potato chips, a large bag of peanut m&ms (haven't found the dark chocolate one's yet, but I'm looking), pieces of a chocolate bar and a bunch of jolly rancher hard candy. I have been drinking too much diet coke and I haven't been exercising. With my RA, I can really feel it when I don't exercise. When I think of going to the gym it makes me want to cry more. I won't give up going, but I know that the whole reason I go is that J motivated me to make a committment to that, it's just one more reason I am thankful I had him in my life, and one more reason I'm sad he's gone. I'm doing some exercises at home tonight, and I will get back to the gym soon.
Big sigh. This is hard but I am okay.
Oh, and I think I might get a cat.
Edited 5/19/2005 11:17 pm ET ET by firstamendment


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Hi DARLING!
Big hugs to you sweetheart! I am sooooooo sorry for the pain you are going through. It makes me remember what a heartache it is to go through a break up. Those have been one of the reasons I have not wanted a relationship, because of being scared of going through a break up and heartache. I wish I could take all the pain away from you. I agree with Judy, that you not give up about getting a cat. How has your health been? Please don't drive yourself into a unhealthy wreck with no excercise and the junk food binge your on. It's ok to do it for 2 weeks, but you have to get back into the swing of things. No matter how hard it is, getting out and staying active might help your moral more and it will definitely help your health. I'm worrying about you, so please continue to keep us updated. I wish I could take away your pain, but unfortunately I can't. Just know that I am here for you.
Big big big hugs,
Catherine
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