Feeling a little down

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Feeling a little down
15
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:38pm

But not about Shane. Just feeling sorry for myself. My anniversary with Shane was the 15th and my XH's annivsersary with his wife was the 24th. The've been married 4 years. I had a nice dinner out and got a great gift from him that he knew I'd like and I am very happy to have it...a new MP3 player that cost way too much.

I normally never bother with it, but I went to the new wife's myspace profile (I mean she DOES have photos of my son there that I don't get to see otherwise) and I read about her gift from my XH....a strand of pearls. It just killed me. I don't know if I am jealous that they are happy and I'm separated or if it's that he never bought me stuff like that. Not sure. It's one, the other, or both. I never got anything so meaningful from him. And she's rubbed stuff in my face that he did for her. Custom made engagement ring, diamond necklace for Mother's Day (and they have no kids together).

I guess I just cannot see how a marriage based on lies can last. Not that I begrudge their happiness. I mean if they are, great. Everyone deserves to be happy. I just am sad because I read about their great day and her receiving a gift that meant something to her when he never listened to me enough to do that for me.

Okay done whining.

~Mel~

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:52pm

Mel, you've got to stop being such a glutton for punishment!! Why do you want to HURT so much!??

You can't take it back that you went to her myspace already... but don't ever go back there again. Photos of your son or not- it's not worth the hurt, is it??

My ex is remarried too- and they are doing well. It bites that he can be such a jerk and yet he is the one who has remarried, sure- but I don't and can't sit here and keep comparing my life with theirs. What I had with him is NOT what she has with him, and they are just a better match for each other than we ever were. And you can't just sit there and compare what was the past, with what is the present. There is something so stupid about this phrase, but it's also very true: What was then, was then, and what is now, is now.

You really can't be happy with your "now" if you keep trying to compare it with someone else or keep going back to the past. JMHO, dear.

~shrimpy, wishing you MUCH less hurt and confusion!

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:54pm

Why do you deliberately torture yourself?! His relationship with her is different, EVERY relationship is different. Perhaps he learned some things himself and it reflects in his new relationship.

You got a wonderful, thoughtful gift from Shane, someone who cares about you enough not to cheat on you, like your ex. THAT is a far greater gift than a strand of pearls or custom made jewelry!!! Stop comparing and enjoy what you have.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:06pm

Oh I know and I feel stupid for hating their happiness so much because they ARE a better match. They both cheated. Liars deserve one another. I guess it just bugs me that they are happy together knowing how they hurt their ex's and are living high with their dream home and emotionally thought out gifts, etc. The part that irks me most is that she has sent emails of Christmas to me (supposedly to show Dylan on the years he's with me) and the majority of the pix were of her gifts from him as if to say..."look at what I got!" I know it was for my benefit. I just refrained from replying and when they called to ask if Dylan saw the pix, I said yes. Period.

I don't want to hurt over it, but it just bugs me how with me he couldn't have been more creative romantically but he can with her. At least I know this...even in separation, Shane thought of me and bought me a sweet gift and has always gotten me things he knew I'd love. The most romantic ever??? A sterling ring for me and a matching one for Emily while I was pregnant. Oh and a bible he had engraved with my name. I have it now no matter what we are doing. He's still thoughtful.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:07pm

I have to jump in and agree with both Shrimpy and TJ here. You sound so depressed in all of your posts, even the ones where you are looking forward to something - such as have sex with Shane.

You are going through a rough time right now and for that I am so very sorry. It is not fun. You need to focus on what makes you happy and steer clear of the things that hurt you. Please do not ever visit her My space again. You get to see your son all the time so you do not need to see her photo's of him. Especially photo's of him spending time with them. Focus on your own fun. make your own memories and forget about the ex and his new wife. There is nothing to be gained from torturing yourself.

(((((HUGS)))))

Rose.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:07pm
I know...it's really stupid....LOL!

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 2:53pm

Let it go, Lissa!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 3:44pm

Their relationship is different because they're different people and time has moved forward.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:57am
I think of those each day and today is a new day. I know what I have and why I should be happy. I am also happy because Shane and I ARE talking now. Not that it will mean anything soon or even ever, but he's coming over today after I get off work at 330 to spend time alone with me before I pck up the kids. He said he wants us to spend time together. That is a good start. But I know and accept it is going to be a long road if this leads to anything. I am not actually ready for him to move back in or anything. I still have work to do. Just because I have made progress means nothing unless the progress is life changing...it isn't yet.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 12:49pm
The internet gives us so many ways to torture ourselves; if you can't help yourself disconnect your internet modem for a month if you have to.

-almostdoesntcount

 

<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:25pm
She's not on my friends list anyway, but a friend of mine does know her and is on her list. Not sure what insanity made me look, but dammit, I won't anymore. BUt she cannot lookat mine....it's private.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

Pages