Feeling very torn about my decision....

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Feeling very torn about my decision....
19
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 8:00pm

I think I mentioned that my Holidays in Texas were awful. The worst was DD's father and his girlfriend.


It was a total nightmare. They totally disrespected any wishes that I had about the visitation rights. I asked that DD's fathers girlfriend stay away for the first two days so that they both have time to see each other. Alex wanted time with her Dad and asked that I talk to her Dad about it. He promised. They didnt' see each other for years and his girlfriend is constantly on and off. Of course that didn't happen. She followed him to his place and started a huge fight with her Dad and threw all this drama in front of Alex.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 8:17am

((((Cat))))... I really don't have much advice since I don't have to deal with custody issues but it sounds like if he has no legal ties to her then you CAN decide the terms of what goes on during the times he actually visits.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:01am
That's another awful part to all of it. He lives with his girlfriend and raises HER kids and fathered another womans child three years ago and left town so not to support it and of course Alex too. So the guy is a loser and he screams and terrorizes me and tells me HE has rights because HE is her DAD!!! You would really expect this from a man that was raised in the jungle with no social skills, but not from a man that was adopted in a very loving and very wealthy and respectable upbringing. Not saying that is a reason he should be, but if he came out of an abusive and unloving family, I may see a reason. Goes to show you that no matter how much money or excellent upbringing or loving family they have, they can still be a worthless cause. AND can you BELIEVE his mother TOLD Alex that he is a LATE BLOOMER?? That he just hasn't grown up yet??? The man is 35 years old!!! When will she stop making excuses for her loser son. I guess she won't. I do know that I will ALWAYS love my children, but I will not allow them to be losers in society or to their own children. I will set some very tough love boundaries. At least that is what I think now........ who knows.... I guess I can't say what I would do.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:08am
Thanks so much for the encouraging words Angie. I know, my father left us on Christmas morning when I was 8. He decided then to have less and less contact and found another family to call his own. Now, YEARS later and many years of NOT talking due to my anger and bitterness, we now have a relationship because of my children, not because of our relationship. But we seem to be getting better with one another slowly. He used to be emotionally abusive to me and he's stopped. He actually told me this year for the first time ever that he was proud of me. That was great, but it didn't matter that much anymore. I needed when I was a child, not now. I think that is something these guys will NEVER get. Later, it doesn't matter anymore. It's when I was a kid and my daughters age now that matters. The older she gets the less it'll matter. She'll just learn to dislike him, as I learned to dislike my own Dad. Strangely enough, I still love him, but I dislike him. I think the same will happen to Alex. She loves her Dad, but she says she has no respect for him and that he is meerly a stranger.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:09am
Thanks! I know you know!!!! :) Hugs XO
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:24am

Thank you so much for your email! AND OMG, I can relate with what you are saying. I go through this with my youngest DD's grandparents in Europe where Nina goes 2 months a year. It's a nightmare to have her return. Her Dad doesn't get that much time off and usually doesn't spend THAT much time with her, although I think as she gets older, it might get better. Hard to tell, but he has shown improvement.


My X's parents are a nightmare though. They never brush her teeth, they let her chew sugarless gum and tell her that's its just the same as brushing her teeth! They don't use tongs for their noodles or salad, they just stick their hands in the bowl and serve everyone, of course after they pet and scratch the animals without washing hands. They feed Nina sugar all day and she is allergic to too much of anything and breaks out in horrible eczema. So she comes back a mess. She lies, because they tell her it's ok to lie. They told ME it's ok to lie. I have a HUGE list of awful things I put up with and of course, because I argue with them, they call me the "Ice Queen". My oldest thinks it was a hoot, until the family told her she is becoming like me and we better not change my youngest. My youngest is the one that is off the hook! LOL. Anyway! Before moving back to the States, I had to deal with this on a weekly basis and it was a true nightmare. Now I just have to deal with it when my youngest comes back. My oldest doesn't even stay with them anymore. She stays with my Mom, her friends and sometimes with my X husband, which is a new thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 11:00am

Oh, believe me I know all about that- Nicolas' dad is 37 now and his parents pay me the child support from the order.


Photobucket
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 11:35am

HUGGGGS.


I sense your pain and frustration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 12:27pm
I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer (((HUGE HUGS))) as I can't imagine having to deal with such a stressful situation. I think I'd feel the same as you, and commend you on still trying on behalf of your daughter, for her sake, to have a relationship with her dad & that side of the family. But honestly, they sound absolutely horrid!! I would have flipped out after the whole girlfriend being asked to back off a bit and not respecting that. what a B***H.
Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 1:19pm

You did the right thing.

Pages