Final Update
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| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 11:30am |
I got a call from my doctor last night. I said, "That was fast", and he said "Positives are always fast". I had already known, but now there is no doubt. I have herpes, Type 2, the most serious kind, the kind that settles in your nervous system and never goes away, and comes out in outbreaks (There - I actually said the H word). We talked about treatment, which will be when I start to get symptoms, I will call him and he will give me a five-day supply of medicine. If they are occurring all the time, he will put me on suppressant drugs, but he doesn't want to do that right now. I have to practice safe sex, whether I have an outbreak or not, because I can give it to someone -- which I will never knowingly do. We talked a long time about the timing of this whole thing, and while he said he cannot tell me exactly when I got it, in my mind, everything points to Mark. I tried to toss is around any other way, but before Mark it's been over 2 years, and my doctor said that isn't possible. I told my doctor that Mark did not believe me and that he wanted to talk to him. My doctor said he would mail me a copy of the results, and I could mail it to him because he doesn't want to talk to him.
After my conversation with my doctor, I called Mark's work and left a message on his voice mail. I did not want to talk to him. The message I left said that the results were positive, I explained what I had, I told him I could give him a copy of the results and I gave him my doctor's number. I told him that he should get himself tested, and if he wanted info to go on the internet because there is a lot out there. Period -- end of story. My heart was racing when I left the message, but when I hung up, I felt such a sense of relief. It's over. I did what I needed to do, and that's all I have to do. What Mark does with the information is his business and none of my concern. I wash my hands of it.
My counselor called me last night, and I told her the whole saga. She was real proud of the way I handled everything. She said I acted in a responsible, adult manner and that I should be proud of myself. She thought that Mark, on the other hand, was not acting like an adult, and she reiterated that I did my part, and there is nothing else I can do. Everything else is up to him.
As far as I'm concerned, I am closing the book on him. Right now it bothers me what he thinks and says about me, but I now I'll get over that. And I know I'll get over the betrayal and hurt; it will just take some time. I have to take care of my health because stress causes outbreaks. I can't worry about what he is doing or thinking any more. I know in his mind he will deny this to the end, and will make this all my fault. That's ok; it won't be the first time a man did that to me; and I know what the truth is anyway. My and my counselor talked about some issues that we need to discuss concerning this, and it will take some time to work through all the emotional things that go along with this.
Today I feel better than I have all week. I feel a sense of relief and finally closure, and now I can move on. My work Christmas party is today. I decided to dress up; black velvet skirt with a green velvet shirt; and I even wore jewelery (I never wear jewelery). People are going out after the party, and I'm considering staying out and having some fun. I told my counselor that I refused to let this defeat me, and I refuse to go back to that black hole. Not quite sure exactly how I'm going to pull it off, but my life is certainly worth me trying. I've got 2 wonderful kids to live for.
Thanks for listening.
Donna

You are a very strong, smart woman and you should be incredibly proud of yourself for handling this so maturely.
Stephanie
Hugs Hugs Hugs!
You sound so much better than you did in your last couple of posts! You are doing so wonderfully well - keep up the good work! Take everything one day at a time, don't stress, and just have fun and relax! Have a great time at the party too - you deserve it!
Hugs!
Kait
While I wish that none of this happened to you, I absolutely LOVE how you handled everything and especially your last paragraph where you say you refuse to go back into the black hole. That is so strong - and so true!!!!
Please stay here and post with us - we would all like that a lot. But most importantly, take good care of you.