Finally ready to update a bit.....

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Finally ready to update a bit.....
9
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 11:53am

I don't want to go into details, but here is the short version of what's been happening lately. This has been what was going on in the last 3 weeks alone.....

Both my girls and my mom had pneumonia the last 2-3 weeks, so I was completely overwhelmed by how sick they were, but they are all finally getting better

-20 degrees in Germany with snow and ice and over a week without heat in our apartment, that is why they all got sick, we were unable to find or contact our landlord. They couldn't fix it without his permission, but now it's fixed.

X husband, lost his 4th job in 4yrs and took off for vacation to Asia because he's stressed and doesn't want to deal with getting a job. He just got back from a 4wk vacation in Argentinia but he can't deal with life because he is so STRESSED. Has the money for vacation but not childsupport. So no childsupport came

Car wreck. Cost me $1,500 dollars but no one was hurt

Nina broke a glass door in our house that cost me 650 dollars to repair.

My job has been extremely stressful, with serious of overtime and my one boss is making my life very difficult, because my other boss wants to promote me, but can't, because the woman is jealous of my great communication and trust that he has with me and therefore no promotion, no more money. AGAIN!

Behind in my bills by 1000 dollars, so I have no money to pay my car or other bills that are 3 months behind. Had to redo a credit for 18 thousand dollars to keep us all floating. It's not approved yet though. Therefore, don't have a dime, so I am going a bit insane. It means lot's of talking and shifting.

Healthwise, I have been pretty sick but trying to keep going with taking care of everything.

And just a whole lot of other little things that seem never ending.

I just didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to talk about anything going on with me, because it was just to overwhelming and then I didn't really know what to say. It wasn't anything I needed advice on. Just everyday yuk stuff. Sometimes, on my easier days, I just would add my two cents into a post here and their. I didn't feel I could give any real advice to anyone, because I was just so confused with my own life. Sorry if I never responded to someone's post. I had to cocoon myself a bit. What is stranger, I am ok with everything. I am not letting it phase me. Not crying, not whining, not feeling sorry for myself. Actually, I am not feeling anything? Only numb, but it doesn't bother me. Everyone seems to think I am taking things extremely quiet. Maybe it's the silence before the breakdown. It was just really hard and I sometimes I was angry for a split second or stressed for a split second about everything, but then, I took a deep breath and suddenly felt it'll all work out. I've noticed I've made such a HUGE hurdle in my life the last 6 months. I've totally changed. It's wierd, but a great wierd. I just don't let the stuff get to me. I get knocked down, stand up, wipe myself off a little and then I just keep on walking.

What's even funnier! I was just thinking on the way home, THANK goodness I am NOT in a relationship and that I don't want a relationship. I could not use any sort of stress from that at all. I've turned down every day and haven't regretted it a moment. I do admit I have a small crush on someone, but I won't talk about it, otherwise I'll jinx it. I won't be seeing him until next month anyways. The only real thing I miss are my girlfriends. Hanging out with them and catching up. We are all so involved in other things that I just don't have the time and neither do they. Kind of sad. But spring and summer are around the corner and I already know it'll get better.

So that's that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 12:40pm
I am sorry about the job/promotion and all the unexpected expenses. It's hard to absorb those when your budget is already tight. (((HUGS))) I think the numbness might be from knowing that a lot of what is happening is out of your control, in addition to the fact that you know it will all work out. I hope things turn around soon, and maybe soon you can tell us more about the crush?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:31pm

Cat:

I'm sooo glad to hear from you. I was worried about you cuz you never answered any of my e-mails, but I do understand you being overwhelmed. You had a lot going on. Big hugs to you. I'm glad your girls are feeling better and your heat situation is fixed.

I laughed when I read the part of your post that said you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on. That's because you're a tough, Irish Scorpio broad, just like me, and it takes a lot to keep us down. (Hey, our "high holiday" is coming up -- have a green beer for me, will ya)LOL. Hang in there, it will get better. You have to give yourself a pat on the back for not cracking under all this pressure.

I truly wish you lived by me so that we could hang out together. I don't have many girlfriends to hang with, and I also miss it.

You know you have love and support here, so don't be a stranger. Take care.

Donna

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 2:50pm
I never got any of your emails. Did you send them to my work? I would of answered you otherwise. Hmmm, concern, concern. I read your update. I'm worried about you, but I want to talk to you in private, so I will definitely do what I can to talk to you this weekend after the operation. Your in my thoughts darlin. I love you irish scorpion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 5:03pm

Oh dear Catherine - you are AMAZING to have gone through all of that and handled it so smoothly and so bravely. What an ordeal!! I am sorry for you and send a hug.

I hope it gets better soon.

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 7:25pm

Hi there Catherine

I'm so sorry to hear about all this stuff going on all at once. I can't even imagine how difficult things have to be. I know you're hanging in and staying tough but don't try to be "too tough", you know what I mean? It's okay to be scared and angry. I have to admit, numb worries me.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are even if it's a quick "hello!"

Hugs Hugs Hugs
Tara

 

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:12am

Thanks everyone! No worries, I'm still a fighter, even though somedays I want to give up. I think that's normal though. LOL.

Glad your all always here!

- Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 5:38pm

I'm VERY late in reading and responding to this, Cat! I'm sorry!

Hugs to you, that you are going through so much at once. It always seems to be that way - I would like to know WHY must it always pour when it rains? WHY can't there just be a nice, refreshing, spring shower? I'm tired of the downpours myself!

"I am ok with everything. I am not letting it phase me. Not crying, not whining, not feeling sorry for myself. Actually, I am not feeling anything? Only numb, but it doesn't bother me. Everyone seems to think I am taking things extremely quiet. Maybe it's the silence before the breakdown. It was just really hard and I sometimes I was angry for a split second or stressed for a split second about everything, but then, I took a deep breath and suddenly felt it'll all work out."

I think you are learning that crying, whining, feeling sorry for yourself just doesn't do anything. I went through a very rough experience two weeks ago - and I didn't get upset over it - at all. Felt very numb, very surreal, through the whole thing. A few people took that to mean I was being cold - which wasn't the case at all. A few people were worried that it was the silence before the breakdown. It wasn't. It was simply too much for me to handle, something that was completely out of my control - and I was able to just - I don't know - do what I needed to do and let it pass.

Hugs - I hope all of this passes SOON and that you are at a much better place!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:08am
((((HUGS))))
You have been through so much lately. Thanks for sharing with us. I am glad you are seeing a bit of improvement. It sounds like you have been incredibly strong through all of this. Numb-in my experience-can sometimes be a good thing as it gets you to the other side of some really rough times when you can't really afford to lose it just yet. I hope you will be able to find some time for just you(even if 10 minutes at night after everyone is asleep) and just reflect on where you have been and where you are going. A little perspective can go a long way to help you over the rough spots.
Listen to me going on like I know what I'm talking about! LOL! Seriously, I hope things really pick up and improve for you soon. Take care of you.
All the Best,
Jean
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:43am

Thanks everyone for the upbeat posts. Yeah, I think I'm fine. Like you said Min, I have slowly learned about what and what not I can and cannot control. Those things last month, were things that were beyond my control, so I know now I just have to ride it out. It's ok to be sad or angry for a short period, but then I need to just get over it and move on. It isn't going to change the fact that I have to deal with it and I think it makes me deal with it better if I just don't react emotional.

Thanks all for the great support and hugs.