First FWB meeting Sat. night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
First FWB meeting Sat. night.
32
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 6:07pm

A friend of mine and I have decided to see if FWB would work between us. I've been the situation before, found it quite fun. She hasn't, but wants to try.

So, Sat will be the first time in a while that I've had any real fun.

Yippee!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 6:40pm
It's one of those things you never know if you can handle it until you try. I've been there with someone that I knew I would not develop feelings for, but most of the time if I like someone and I'm attracted to them and I'm sleeping with them, I'm going to develop feelings for them no matter how hard I try not to. Good luck exploring the new 'arrangment' : )

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:50pm

LOL!!!

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:51pm

Can I just ask why you want this type of situation? Was it your idea or hers? Do you not like her enough to actually try having a relationship with her, but she's good enough for a romp in the hay? Do you plan to do anything else with her, like hang out outside of the bedroom?

I know in both my own experience and hearing thoughts from others, that FWB usually is only going to work for the one person in the party who doesn't care to have a relationship with the other person. The other person in the party usually just goes along with the agreement in the hopes that the first person will realize how great they are and actually want to be with them. So they allow and agreed to being "just friends" with the "benefit" of sex, when really they like that other person so much they will pretty much agree to anything just to have some semblance of a relationship with them.

Make sense?

I just really hope that before you do get into this with her, that you sit down and think if it's something you truly want to do. If this girl isn't on your "datable" list, then why get involved at all, and why put yourselves through it. And if it was HER idea, why is it that you're not on her "datable" list?

Time, I think, would be better spent hanging out with someone that you could actually form a meaningful relationship with. If that's not what you want, then dating is a good option too. But just hopping into bed with someone because you're horny and they're available isn't always the best idea.

Good luck, and I hope that it's all you wanted!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:36am

We've known each other for about 5 years now. We (our families) met when we were both still married. Our families (kids included) have known each other and "hung out" since our respective divorces.

We have bounced problems off of each other for some time...divorce, parenting, work, health, whatever.

We've discussed this FWB thing for about a month now. I am firm in my belief that a permanent relationship with her is not going to happen. She agrees. The decision to have sex with one another is driven strictly by our physical needs, not emotional ones.

"I know in both my own experience and hearing thoughts from others, that FWB usually is only going to work for the one person in the party who doesn't care to have a relationship with the other person."

That would be me.

"The other person in the party usually just goes along with the agreement in the hopes that the first person will realize how great they are and actually want to be with them. So they allow and agreed to being "just friends" with the "benefit" of sex, when really they like that other person so much they will pretty much agree to anything just to have some semblance of a relationship with them."

I suppose that happens, but I've not experienced that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 11:36am
I agree they do work. I've had 3(and still do)FWB and two have worked splendidly. The one after Alex was born and the one now, they all lasted over a year. The 2nd one would have, but he fell in love and couldn't just deal with the situation the way it was. I think if you can separate emotional feelings and physical needs, then it's great! Who knows, maybe something comes out of it, but most of my friends who have done this with long time friends, just became better friends, but that was it. It doesn't make me a bad person, just because I enjoy physical touch and because I have to many other things going on then to have a relationship, but I do keep in mind often, that this isn't how I want to keep things in my life. That I do want a relationship with the right person, only the FWB's in my life were not relationship material.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:22pm

Well, I hope it works out for both of you, I really do. I can totally relate to having that PHYSICAL need, but not always wanting anything more from the person. Sadly I was in the situation with one guy many years ago that I started to get feelings for, so that's why I throw out a word of caution to you.

But you've known her for a long time and love her as a person, so there is a level of intimacy there unlike if you were to just take someone home after one night of talking. Hopefully you can not only fulfill each others sexual needs, but have the trust to maybe explore yourselves sexually? That could be a lot of fun...

Let us know how things went, but please spare the details LOL

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 1:26pm
I second this post - based on my own experience. I could never have a FWB because my emotions would get in the way and I would be disappointed. Sex for me is really tied to love and feeling loved - but this is just me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 8:07pm
I am very curious - why do you say that a permanent relationship with her is not what you want?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 9:15pm

West, I hear ya. From a practical point of view a FWB isn't a great thing. I had one...and I wish I hadn't looking back. I spent time feeling that "status quo" was ok and I wasn't really working on me. I have made a lot more progress since I'm out of that.


I think it kept me from having an "I'm my own woman" attitude.


I READ something today that applies, but I'm going to start a new thread about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 9:18pm
I'm curious about that too, and something more specific. Does the way a woman

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