First FWB meeting Sat. night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
First FWB meeting Sat. night.
32
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 6:07pm

A friend of mine and I have decided to see if FWB would work between us. I've been the situation before, found it quite fun. She hasn't, but wants to try.

So, Sat will be the first time in a while that I've had any real fun.

Yippee!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:15pm

Well let's see here....so many comments to make.

First, my apologies on the use of the word "girl". I was not meant in any kind of a malicious way. And no I am not offended by someone calling me "boy" if the intent is not malicious.

The Ex's - Both are complete flakes. Her's is physically abusive, and I am certain that if I were to get serious with her, that I would be in a serious physical altercation with him in short order. You all know my Ex is a complete loon and would be calling counselors, and whoever else all the time because she was afraid the my children were being exposed to sexual activities.

The Evening - it went well. We decided to hold off on intercourse, but the other "activities" were quite fun. Both of us had a good evening.

I think that covers it.




Edited 3/8/2005 12:26 pm ET ET by az_tbone
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:17pm
I don't blame you for being afraid of that ex!! Thanks for sharing the man's point of view. It is enlightening - sounds like you want to see how you fit in someone's life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:27pm
One point...I'm not afraid of her Ex. I'm more afraid of what I would do *to* him that would cause me more problems than they are worth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:29pm

I don't think you have to prove to us why a relationship with this person wouldn't work, you both agree it won't and that is what matters. My guess is that you are going to have some ugly issue with your ex when you do find someone to marry, and you certainly don't need someone else's abusive ex to deal with on top of that.

It sounds like you both know what you want and what you don't want.

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:30pm

Does this mean your "looney ex" will be calling counselors as soon as she finds out you are dating ANYONE? As in, you take that risk just to move on with your life?


IF that were the case, I'd call her bluff early. I'd say "Hey, I am going to be dating. I think we should ALL go into counseling now, just to be sure the kids get through this unscathed" LOL


ANY counselor is going to be on your side of moving on, while using wisdom in what your children do and do not see.


Gosh, I am SO glad I don't have an ex to deal with. These kinds of things are why I didn't marry my ds's dad when he asked (after I got preg. As a "solution") I knew we would end up divorced and I figured that'd be MUCH more complicated than going the "poor single mom" route.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:37pm
Oh - I see!! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:39am

Hi, I just wanted to say that I am not against FWB's myself. I had a wonderful one right after I separated from my ex. And I don't regret it. I knew from the start he wasn't permanent material and had a great time with him. He was tall, dark and handsome and sexy as heck. And that was all I wanted from him, although I did get the added bonus that he took me out on dates and we did fun stuff together. :) I think I turned the tables though. I called all the shots, and he just showed up when I called.

I think some women (most actually) shouldn't have FWB's because they are not capable of having them the way they should be had or it is not really what they want to begin with. They end up feeling used, or taken advantage of, or don't know when to stop. Done correctly, an FWB can be a beautiful thing. ;)

I don't think you have to justify your reasons for having one. I think most of the women here are just genuinely curious about your reasons so they can hear it from a man's perspective.

Good luck with your situation. I hope it works out for you.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 3:28am

Exactly! A FWB is best for any woman when she calls the shots. That is how I do it. I don't wait for him to call. He knows this, he does the booty call with other women that run after him, but with me, the tables are turned. The greatest thing is, we have a great time! We have fantastic sex and we just laugh and laugh and laugh.

I also didn't mean that he had to explain himself. Because if it's not the person you see yourself with, it doesn't mean you can't have a great time otherwise! LOL.

Somethings aren't meant to be for more then a fling in bed and I for one enjoy it. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 8:58am

I know what you mean, Catherine, and yes, I have had my share of flings - I think I called them an affair that is not meant to be but would run its course. This is what I did all through my 20s while I chased my career.

And I hope that our dear guy friend who posted here didn't think I was grilling him - I was just very curious to hear the man's point of view as to why he didn't see them lasting and I am so glad he answered because I learned a lot. This has been a great discussion.

But now I know I am done with flings. I think my last experience taught me that - I met a nice guy online - we did have a lot in common - he was really sweet and we really clicked and had a lot of fun and a lot of chemistry. He taught me what it is like when a man sees and appreciates your best points. I just wanted adult time and monogamous safe sex - and he did too. But then I fell in love with him and he felt the same about me and told me that. But with his kids being far away he felt trapped with me. I am pretty sure he went back to his exwife for the sake of the kids. He sent me a card not too long ago and I threw it away - I don't have feelings for him anymore.

But now I know I don't want a fling - I want the real thing and am willing to wait for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 11:15am

I think FWB can be lots of fun just as long as neither person gets involved emotionally. Better to have sex with a friend than a stranger...or alone :)

But watch out for loony exes...I have a situation with my STBX where his GF (who lives across the street from me) has a loony STBX who still calls ME in the middle of the night to remind me he is going to kill my STBX! My STBX, his GF and I all have restraining orders.

Jessie