At First I Was Really Upset...
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| Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:22pm |
Friday night I went out and ran into crush. We talked a little bit and it was okay. I left where we were and went out with the girls to a different place. By the end of the night I met up with crush again. We ended up back at his house, talking and what-not, and then things started to get a little heated. I was a little reluctant, but decided that I felt comfortable w/ him and that I was going to go for it anyway.
Well...in the process of us kissing we kept talking...lol. And all of a sudden he comes out and tells me that while he has a very strong physical attraction for me, that there's just nothing else there; he feels nothing else. I was so unbelievably hurt. I thought...what nerve! Here you are kissing me and talking to me like we've been together forever, and now you're just going to tell me..um..btw, I don't like you for anything other than sex!
I got up, put my shirt on (thank goodness that was the only thing off) and went into his living room to put on my shoes. He came in there and told me that he was sorry if he had hurt my feelings. I assured him that my feelings were not hurt, but he said "now you're just trying to be brave." Okay?
Anyway...he said that he didn't mean to be mean, but sometimes the truth hurts. I told him that by saying that he was just being a little hurtful and spiteful and to just let it go. He said that he didn't want me to hate him and if I see him he still wants to be able to talk to me b/c he likes talking to me. I told him again that I was fine. I also said that in a way, I needed him to say something like that to me. B/c now I can let it go. I don't know if he actually got it or not, but oh well.
So, I went home, I was a little upset, didn't cry though, and went to bed. The next morning I went to work and thought about it a little bit until I started to get busy. When worked slowed down a bit I realized something...I didn't care! Who cares if he doesn't want to have a relationship with me. It's his loss! In a lot of ways I needed him for some reason to say that he wasn't into me - maybe it was a type of closure...who knows. But it's okay. Maybe one day he'll look back and see that he messed up. But you know what, it's really too late now and it will be later on too. And even if he never thinks that, who cares! I feel a little empowered about it all. Okay...so some silly guy doesn't like me - oh well...I've got enough on my plate right now. No need to worry about him. And to be honest, I'm not even dwelling on it. I just feel a sense of relief about the whole thing. I feel like...whew...it's finally done with...thank goodness!
But...on a side note. I went out on a date last night. It wasn't anything special...but he was really nice. He comes into eat where I work all the time and he talks to me. He's really funny. I had a really bad night last night b/c I was slammed w/ a party of 32 people that stayed for 4 1/2 hours, got drunk, and acted completely rude. So, he saw what was going on and told me that he would come back when my shift was over and have a bite to eat with me and chat. Well...he came back before my shift was over, waited on me to get done, ate with me, and then we went and watched a movie. It was fun.
So, you know...after all of this is said and done, I feel better about everything. I'm not going to settle for anyone, I'm not going to harbor over a crush that really isn't a crush anymore, and I'm just going to be me - single, attached, whatever may come my way - I'm just going to be me and go with the flow (hopefully...lol)!
Kait

Kait,
Sorry he gave you such a low blow, but as you know, it's for the best.
It is beyond me how a guy can want a woman "physically" and not want her "emotionally" - but it is a very true "phenomena" and a lesson for us all.
Sorry you had to be our "guinea pig" - but you did come to the realization that his heart is just not available to you - or probably to anyone right now.
Your final paragraphs are written very well and you are on the money with your thoughts. I think that now you will be able to let this one go.
I think the right one will come along for you soon. You sure have gotten a lot of attention and you are being picky and selfish for you - those are always great signs!!
It is fun reading your stories!