First Tif ..Should I have been upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
First Tif ..Should I have been upset?
13
Sun, 04-20-2008 - 5:37pm

I'm a regular lurker and am always impressed at the group (more like family, actually) of smart and strong women .. and Mark :-)...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-20-2008 - 5:52pm

Hmmm... Honeslty, I think it's it a bit much to expect that all your 'free time' will ALWAYS be spent together.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sun, 04-20-2008 - 8:23pm

"Sometimes things change, and you should be accepting of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-20-2008 - 8:58pm

"But would've planned for it and made up time in some other way."


Would


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 6:57am

(divorce not finalized)

If I was you I would be more upset about that than the time thing.

As to the time thing - do not expect to be with him all the time on the down time. If he has a business meeting and is not coming home late you can bet your bippy I would not be waiting up for him. It seems to me that he has to learn to respect your time and he is not going to do that if there is too much of it.

I don't know - on one hand if he doesn't have kids I can see where he is used to spontaneity with his schedule. But on the other hand he has to want to spend time with you and if you feel you are not getting enough that can be an issue.

But the biggest thing of all to me is the separated part - that just puts him on a different page - not ready for what you want - and that is perhaps the root of it all.

What to do now? Not sure. I think I would rethink the whole thing - but at the very least perhaps it will be a lesson to have the same opinion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 1:08pm

Hi West, you're right about the divorce not being finalized part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 2:31pm

Hi there-


I'd be feeling upset. I don't know if that is "right" or not, but I know I would have been. I would have been irked by coming in at 2 something a.m. I don't think I would have stayed there waiting. If he's doing that now my fear would be that he will continue to be that way down the road. I would not want to be the one waiting at hoem. Some guys might feel that is controlling but in reality it is just personal needs. He may have the "need" to stay out late with his boss...or the "need" to make the meeting with the ex at 11am...or the need to do errands on Sunday. But you have every right to have the "need" to not wait for him, and maybe the need to have someone in your life who wants to spend as much time togehter as you do. It could be

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 2:40pm

Sure you didn't wait up for him - but you could have been doing a million other things that are more fun for you.

I just know that in all the years on this board and the umpteen stories, that I have never seen "separated" turn into a good thing - it has always turned into a huge drama with a sad ending. It is not here now ready now - it is married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 2:54pm
Hi Pac_Sun, thanks for that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 2:57pm

I'll sing back-up to West.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 3:04pm

Oh I think I wasn't clear.

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