freak out kicks in
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| Mon, 05-07-2007 - 10:24pm |
As is my normal problem with any type of realtionship, I always worry that the other person has changed their mind and doesn't want to see/talk anymore. Therapy has really helped, but this online dating thing kills me sometimes.
I have been talking to a guy for a few weeks on match. He has been e-mailing every day even when he was on a business trip -- until today. We sent a few e-mails on Sunday and then today he doesn't send anything. I can't ever think that he is just working or something normal like that. I immediatly jump to the idea that he has suddenly decide I am boring, awful, etc. etc. Then I start to freak out and wonder if I e-mailed too much or if I said the wrong thing. Of course I think if I send an e-mail he will think I am over-eager and keep running.
Can someone talk me down from my self-imposed freak out and tell me I am over analyzing a few e-mails far too much?
Thanks a bunch

Welcome to our club. It's acronym is OTA, which stands for Over Thinkers Anonymous.
Obviously it isn't truly anonymous, since I'm admitting I'm a member. BUT, rest assured, you are NOT alone.
I used to overanalyze every word, every look, every gesture. I remember putting stock into where a guy I had a crush on at work sat in relation to me in the break room! Buy, was I thinking too much.
I think the key is to not show it, which you know, and also to harness that thinking, that energy, into something productive. When it was me thinking about Double D, I would make it a point to GET BUSy at work. Suddenly I was thinking less about my actions or his actions, and more about my job. This parlayed into the bosses noticing and a semi-promotion and raise for me. Maybe I should send him a thinak you card? ;-)
Whatever it is that will keep your mind off it for the moment, do that. He's probably working, having computer trouble, or simply not that into you. It doesn't really matter if he isn't contacting you the WHY of it. He isn't.
That being said, it has only been one day, give him time. Don't sit around waiting for his emails, but don't totally write him off, either.
Moody, who hung up her thinking cap
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I love your OTA!! I think I could easily belong in that club.
The thing is, I want someone who is reassuring with their communication. Either they are or they aren't - it is easier when you have a whatever attitude.
OLD is not for the faint of heart - guys will talk to you and then drop off the planet - they call that ghosting on the OLD iVillage board. But the good news is that another one comes along in a few days. I think it is best not to get too attached to anyone until you have been dating exclusively for a while.
I agree with the others... We've all been in freak out mode... I was that way, too, when I first started dating again. I felt like I was 13 again.
The thing that helps me is letting go that I have any control over whether a guy stays in touch or asks me out. And at the same token, I haven't done anything to cause him to run. When the ball is in his court, HE has control over it. Not me. I just try to be friendly, open, warm, fun, and sincere. The rest is up to him. It if isn't a match, then I move on. No one is really at fault.. it's just not a match.
Keep a chin up.... it gets easier the more you date. Don't get attached too quickly and don't put too much stock into one person. Eventually the right one will start to rise above but give it time. And have fun along the way!!
Loonybunny
ps that's why I love this board...
I totally agree with this.
I too have gone in total freak out mode. I am a definite member of the OAC. I think my mind is going crazy have the time and I can't control it. Ever since I made up my mind that I don't care about a relationship, I am so much cooler about it all.
I've also been known to be the "ghost". It just tends to happen on OLD. I dont know, someone says something witty and all of the sudden takes your attention away from the person you were writing all along.