Freaking out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Freaking out
14
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 11:32am

Well, up until now I have been fine but as I look at the calendar and see what time of year it is I am totally stressed. The holidays will be here in no time. The passing of my mom is making this even more difficult for me. I knew it would not be perfect this year but it will be absolutely awful. Any suggestions would be helpful.

My kids will be with me for Thanksgiving so that should be fine. It will just be the four of us, but I love them and we will have a great holiday, I'm sure. We will watch parades, eat lots of turkey, play outside some. I'm sure it will be fine.

Christmas is a different story. They are with their dad this year. I have nowhere to go and will be alone for Christmas eve and Christmas day. All of my friends will be traveling and spending time with their families so I will be completely alone. Christmas isn't really a day you can just ignore as there will be nothing open and no people out and about. I'm not feeling very good about it. I have been in tears already and wishing I could just sleep through it. I'm not sure what I will do. There will be no calls, nothing just me with no one to talk to no one who cares.

Thanks for listening to me whine.
Priscilla

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 11:35am

OMG - I know the pain. DS goes to his dad every other Xmas and I hate that feeling of being alone. I have my family here but it is still hard because they are married and busy.

I wonder if there is a neighbor, coworker or someone you have overlooked?

The very least you can maybe volunteer somewhere like the church or the homeless shelters?

Something will pop up I am sure. Or maybe you can fly somewhere?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:33pm

The holidays are the worst for me since my divorce seven years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:39pm

Priscilla,


I know how you are feeling! I have been there, and it hurts, it makes you sad and I always hated being alone. I have had to spend holidays alone in the past and it haunted me way before the holiday.


What I started to do is what Judy just mentioned. I found some charities that interested me and I began to volunteer and get involved. Then, on Thanksgiving and/or Christmas, I would volunteer all day. Preparing and serving meals, or delivering goods, or joining a group that goes to the retirement homes and vistis the folks who have no family. That might sound depressing but it is such a wonderful feeling to volunteer on those holidays. The groups of people who do the volunteering are so often feeling just like you (we've all been there at times in our lives) who are looking for friendship and meaning on the holidays, so it's a great way to meet new people, too. I did this before my DD was ever born, before I was married too. Now that I have DD, I take here along. Sometimes we go to the local hospital and deliver crafts or cards or puzzles to the kids or family-less folks and just sit and visit with them for a while. I can't even tell you how rewarding it is.


A good place to look for these kinds of groups is through a church, even non-denominational or practically any denomination. Start asking around and you will be suprised at how welcomed you are. My local newspaper has a volunteer section that just bursts with opportunities around this time of year thru the holidays.


Just know that it gets better. :o) You'll make it through!

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 6:41pm

Hey Priscilla


I am so sorry to hear about your situation.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 8:20am

This is not my first Christmas post separation, but I had the children with me last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 9:34am

Hi, To those of you who are alone for Christmas.. I have an idea.


Can you start a meetup group or yahoo group for people in your area which says " alone for Christmas?- Join in" I bet there are many more people in your area just like you. You just have to find them.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 9:43am
Keep us posted, Priscilla. I have a feeling that no matter what you do, you will be fine. It is just one day and while you might have a sad part, the whole day is YOURS to do whatever. Remember all of the bad inlaws you had to deal with - and be glad you are on your own. I have had enough holidays on my own to know I could totally do it. It is not as bad as you think. I would go for a long run and then redo my closet and then watch TV while eating something good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 10:52am

Thanks, Judy. Actually the in-laws were never bad. They were the best part of my ex. He has been so blessed with a wonderful family. I got a very nice card from ex's aunt upon the passing of my mom. They are just a very caring, thoughtful, nice people. I have no idea how my ex came out of that group. His mom is a bit too much of a mom to him still and that may be part of it. He doesn't know how to be an adult. But as a general rule they are thoughtful and always have the best of intentions.

As a matter of fact, I was pretty close to one of his cousins. I haven't heard from her since the separation and have thought about reaching out to her several times. I just haven't done it yet. Its a difficult thing to navigate. Ex's eldest brother and his family just returned to the states from living in Germany the past couple of years and will be with ex's mom for Christmas this year. My kids will have a great time and getting to spend time with their cousins will be great for them.

I've never really had much family and I really enjoyed all the family stuff. My ex was always complaining about family obligations. I never really understood that.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 10:54am

Thanks, Mark. You are very sweet. I know I will get through it right now I'm just having a hard time not feeling sorry for myself. My kids will enjoy the holiday with their dad and his family. There will be lots of people there. I am happy that they have that and want them to have those relationships so that they don't end up alone like me. Family is very important.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 10:56am

I will look into it. Thanks for the advice.

Priscilla

Pages