Friday night he begged me to give him...
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| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 2:07pm |
another chance. That he was crazy about me and that he loved me so much. He asked me to just not throw it all away. His children came home earlier from their mom's and he suddenly jumped up and had to go. I asked him to please sit an spend a few more minutes so we could discuss how to go about this, he said they are expecting him and he won't let them wait. I told him I thought it was really important, if we were going to make this work to spend a few additional minutes together. I told him that his DD's are 13 and 15 and can spend 30-45 minutes alone. That his children were NOT toddlers. He said THEY would be ANGRY with him for already being late now. He said he loves me, then he left his glasses at the apartment, I called to tell him and he told me again how much he loved me... and then....
I heard nothing from him all weekend. He said he would call, he didnt. I didn't hear one word from him again. I tried to contact him, he didn't respond. Nothing.....
When we talked on Friday, I told him, as I had last monday that the house issue would ruin our relationship, he said he disagreed. He said he understood what I was talking about, but that we were stronger and the house wasn't imporant. That if we remained together, he would just get us a different one.....
Today, I got this email. Not even a "I wish you good luck" or a "take care of yourself"; nothing. All I got was this:
Catherine,
I hope you had a good trip to the beach this weekend. We had a great time. It was good to have some time with just the girls and myself. We really needed that. I think things have changed as far as what the girls and I have planned for the near future. Our lives are moving along at such a fast pass. I hope I can keep up with every thing. Friday night after I got home from your house the girls and I had a very long talk. They opened up to me in ways they hadn’t in quite some time. They were very upset that their dad was so late getting home. This started a very long conversation about you and your girls and what Ali and Sam thought about what was happening between you and me. After that long talk with them and some very in depth thought this weekend on my part, I think we should stop seeing other. I have so much to focus on with the changes that are soon coming in our lives that it would be very difficult if not impossible to work on the differences that I feel you and I have. In many ways we do have many things in common, but I think our approaches at parenting are very different. We have started down separate roads as you said. That is not a bad thing because all of us must choose our path in life. If we would have met at a different time in our lives it might have been different.
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That was it. He had an entire week to think about it. He could of saved all the time and energy of telling me I was wrong, because in the end I was right all along. I know I could respond, but I have no words. One minute he loves me, then he doesn't the next day, then he does the day after that and the next day he doesn't. Instead, he begged me to give him a chance and then he didn't have the guts to say anything to me all weekend until now.
I'm ok with this. I knew it was going to end. I knew the differences we had and how extreme our lives were, but what upsets me is that he said I was wrong about everything and that i caused all this conflict. I didnt cause conflict, I only saw what was the truth. This house, his girls, the X wife, everything. I told him this on Friday and he said no, that isn't true.
Right.......
I have always been someone to respond to everyone's email, but the reality is, I have nothing to say. Nothing. Not even good-bye. I will act like I never saw it or read it or otherwise. Not give him an inclinking of satisfaction for me to respond in any way that might orchestrate any sort of feeling or emotion. Because he didn't have the guts to tell me face to face or on the phone.
Again, I know we had so many differences, but I think the thing that suddenly hit me the most, is that he didn't even wish me well. That the person that I thought was so wonderful and descent, didnt even have the descency to say something that would only end wishing my children and myself the best. After I had told him last week, how happy I am for him and how deserving he is to finally find luck and a new place for him and his children to make them all happy.
And the worst part, he basically states that he's a better parent then I am. Because he jumps hoops that I wouldnt do. I found out that the Softball game on Saturday lasted 10 hours and not even his children were playing. He expected me to be at a 10 hour game and because I said no, and because I asked him to spend 30 additional minutes with me, that he is the better parent, because he would NEVER EVER make his children wait.
Therefore, I believe in my heart that the high road, is to walk away, without a word, without a trace and never look back.

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hey - I love your picture!
I agree. We do have to teach our kids to be independent and to respect our needs as people and adults. I always explain to DS that when it is his time to go to his parties and invite friends over and go to their house I am there 100% to help him - and he has to respect my time as well. I have a healthy balance between time for him and me. And I feel that my activities and interests and time away from him help him stand on his own. He has to clean his room, fix his own snacks, help with the dogs, help around the house, etc. When we have quality time we both really enjoy it.
This year I felt he really grew into his own person. He pulled straight As and did a great job on school assignments because he wanted to and not because I nagged, pleaded and cajoled him into it. I did reward him big time. And I know some of it is because he is getting older. But I also feel it is because I do set the bar high.
We had a big talk about me doing the Ironman this year - and he is behind me 100%. And he gets a big reward for me crossing the finish line because I couldn't do it without him.
Ok Cat, I'm officially confused!
You are so wise. I am sorry this ended like this, BUT, its very evident - even though i of course believe children come 1st in dating people lives
Yeah, that about sums it up; you got it. LOL.
But read the next new thread, where he just crosses the line of being a real jerk.
However, M and I knew that it was the YOUNGEST that I had major issues with. A real BRAT! Daddy's girl, 13, and had hormone issues beyond belief. Not to mention a serious attitude, pouted about EVERYTHING and M would give into her ALL the time. He told me he will never tell his girls know, they are to always love and get what they want from Daddy. I tried SO HARD with her, but it was just a constant issue. I never knew when she would bite my head off or give me a hug. She was like a time bomb. So! I am very glad it's just over.
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