Friday Night I Crashed Your Party....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Friday Night I Crashed Your Party....
7
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 5:58pm

Stop holding your breath, here's the update, such as it is...

So, as you know, R and I had made plans for Friday night. Friday morning, I'm inhaling my first cup of coffee, and I open my email to find "I'm so sorry, but my daughter is having a sleepover tonight that I completely forgot about when we were talking. Please don't be mad or hate me, I do still want to go out SOMETIME (emphasis mine)."

Soooo, I had already planned a sitter, picked out my outfit, and since I was going to have to basically go straight from work, my hair was in rollers, you get the idea. Uh huh. How do you spell disappointment?

And the nerve... not to even call to cancel, but email?! What? Okay, so I couldn't be MAD, because we all know that our kids have to come first. And I, at least, know that things can sometimes slip our minds. Maybe. Hmmm. But, if he were that into me, wouldn't he have said something other than sometime?

So, I emailed him back, basically telling him that I wasn't mad- of course his daughter had to come first, but the ball was in his court, and if he wanted to get to know me better he knew how to contact me.

Then, since I already had the night free, my girlfriend (whose husband is in the band with him) was having a little get-together, so I hung out at her house... with the rest of the band. Which is not at all weird for me, since they've been my friends longer than I've known R, but evidently he's talked about liking me and wanting to get to know me better.

The topic came up, and since we were drinking, everyone was honest. I let them talk, and pretty much sat back and listened. I learned a few things, and gained some insight. I'm more firm in my resolve now than ever not to contact him.

None of this changes how I feel about him, and I won't alter my behavior as far as going out to see the band, since that's something I enjoy and I've always done it; they're my friends... BUT, I'm almost glad it happened like this, since the husbands were drunk-honest, and are probably his best friends in the world.

Sorry it's so long, guess I'm rambling, and I really wish I had happier (or juicier!)details to share!


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 6:35pm

"The topic came up, and since we were drinking, everyone was honest. I let them talk, and pretty much sat back and listened."

What did they say?

Sorry to hear you didn't get to go - that is a disappointment after looking forward and being ready - it stinks. But you are right - no more calling - just wait and see what happens.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 7:26pm

Well, the girlfriend who knows me best said that I might be too vibrant... not in a bad way, and not that he's boring, but I guess they're all in agreement that he has some self-esteem issues. I guess that's why he's so, I dont know, flattered, I guess is the best word, when gils pay attention to him. Embarrassed would also be a good word.

The husbands, who know him the best, basically said that he's a nice guy who usually dates women who are all wrong for him because he lets them call all the shots (out of shyness, and again the self esteem thing... I guess his daughter's mother worked a number on him)... basically they called all of his exes witches, which I didn't care to know one way or another, but it's better to hear it from his friends than from him... I mean, I wouldn't want to hear him bad mouthing his exes, and they used specific examples.

Another thought popped into my head, and that was that, while it was not nice for me to listen to gossip, it was strange for men to BE the gossipers. Here we were- the women, playing music, cards, and talking about work, kids, families, our mothers, and in walked the men. Immediately, they brought up the subject of my love life (or lack thereof) as I was the only unmarried person there. I sat back and laughed, as the guys had been drinking, so they were totally honest, and you know, the conversation was actually one of the most interesting I've ever had.

Since it was a group of people I'm totally comfortable with I could be myself with no restrictions. The wine didn't hurt, either ;-) But what they were saying was interesting, too, since I hadn't ever heard it from a totally male POV.

Food for thought, anyhow, and all in all I am honored to know that whatever happens with R, the two of us have some really great friends who truly do want us to be happy. They would love the convenience of us being happy together, but they also love us both individually... for all of our flaws and weaknesses.


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:30pm

I would just tread really lightly here- everyone here may be happy if you two do get together, but they are WAAAAAY to into your business.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 9:49pm
Actually, that's my thoughts exactly. There're a couple of guys I'm sort of interested in getting to know better. One of them is OLDguy, so we're still chatting, we'll see if it goes beyond that. Another one is a guy at work who is extremely nice, and not nearly as shy about letting me know he's interested, but I have sort of been on the fence, simply because we work together. We don't work in the same office, though, so it wouldn't be too weird, and neither of us is the other's supervisor or anything like that... so I'm thinking the next time he starts flirting, I'll flirt back and see where it goes.
I didn't mean to make it sound as if our friends were pushing us together, it isn't that at all, they just want us both to be happy, and if it works out that way that we'd be happy together, then they'd be happy for us. His friends sort of alluded to the fact that he, at least, had said something about us potentially dating, because they were surprised I was there and not with him. So, that's basically why I sat and listened, and didn't say anything. No point in adding fuel to the fire. Men, who knew what gossips they are?
I do know what you mean about treading lightly, but you know, I have been thinking about R for so long, and after this weekend, I've pretty much just given up. If it's meant to be, he'll make an effort, but I honestly don't see that happening. And I'm really okay with that. We can be friends, and we'll always run into each other, but I'm not hoping for more than that from him anymore. And I thought I'd be a lot more disappointed, but I got over it relatively quickly.

Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 10:00pm

You probably got over him because he's not living up to the idea you had blown up about him, you know?


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 10:28pm

You seriously give the BEST advice! I agree about the office guy! I'm in the transportation industry, and I'm in the office, and he isn't, to put it simply, so although we work for the same company, we don't "work together". I know there aren't any policies against it because there have been 3 marriages of coworkers in the last 2 years.
But, I agree about office gossip. I don't actually talk to any of my office coworkers, really, just the coworkers that I don't actually "work with" in the lunchroom, but I know what you're saying. J is a nice guy, though, and it wouldn't ever be anything improper at work, of course.
I actually have met his kids on several occassions, and he's met mine, but oddly enough, I met his when they were with their aunt and he met mine when they were with my ex. Neither of us knew they were the others' children until very recently.
So, I guess I'm rambling, which I have discovered a tendency to do... but that's my life lately.

And as far as having an idea that R didn't live up to, I hadn't thought about it that way, but you're dead on! I knew I liked everything I knew about him, but I didn't know much, and the more I got to know, the less he lived up to what my preconceived notions were. It isn't that I don't like things about him, specifically, he just isn't what I had built up in my mind, which makes it even easier to not be disappointed than if I had really gotten to know him, and then found out I didn't like him. Much less time and work and investment this way, LOL!


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 10:56pm

Lol! I totally had a few guys I thought I was totally into that burst my bubble when I got to know them better.


Photobucket