Friendships
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Friendships
| Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:33pm |
I was trying to find the old thread about how many girlfriends you hang out with so I didn't repeat but couldn't find it. I'm having a really rough day, feeling bad about myself, that I don't really have many girlfriends and rarely do stuff with friends. It's not so much that I'm craving that or dissatisfied with my life, in fact the thing is most of the time I'd rather be with dh (who is my best friend) and dd when I'm off work or doing things with dh and our friends together. But I feel like a total loser that I don't have many local friends and am not out doing things with them. I have a really good friend that I used to go to lunch with because we worked close to each other,but she moved an hour away so we rarely get to see each other any more. And weekends the local friends I do have are usually busy with their own husbands and families. But it seems like dh has lots of friends and I'm just a loser. He does get to have lunch with his buddies occasionally because they're in service trucks that occasionally take them to jobs near his work, and he goes camping with them. I mean he spends most of his time at home too or we do something together with friends. But, I'm wondering if I'm just a freak or if it really is different with women, especially those with children to juggle into the schedule. Even if there is a dh involved, it seems pretty hard to schedule both moms having dad watch the kids to go do something and it seems often it's mom who does most of the shuttling kids to various activities etc. It's okay to just tell me I'm a loser; it sure is how I feel today.

I don't know for sure, but I think it is different with women, especially single moms. We as women have so much to do, that it's hard to find time to nuture a friendship. Let's face it -- we have a lot to do and talking on the phone or going out with someone takes time. Yes, it's a nice break, but sometimes it just doesn't fit into our schedule. But I don't think that means we are losers or there is something wrong with us. That's just the way it is. All my sisters are married, and I know that all of there husbands have a lot of friends also. They join softball leagues and go fishing and stuff like that. But, on the other hand, all my sisters are at home, or working or with the kids. Me and my one sister try to schedule a girls night out every couple of months. She just included me in her Bunco league, so once a month we get together for that.
I'm not going to tell you how to make friends, because I need that advice myself -- and it's a lot harder than one would think. I thought that once my kids got into school, I would meet a lot of moms. I've tried to schedule play dates and meet people, but my requests always fall on deaf ears. So, I just go about my business. I feel I have met a lot of friends here on the board, and here is where I vent all my fears and concerns. But yes, a social outing with a friends would be nice every once and a while. Don't be discourage though. You might meet someone out of the clear blue. I just met this woman where I volunteer, and it just so happens that her daughter and my daughter are in the same class. We've talked about getting together, we just haven't done it yet. I hope I made you feel better. Good luck.
Donna
(((((Andrea)))))
I am so sorry you've been feeling this way. Believe it or not, I am in your shoes. My BIL and his girlfriend were here over the weekend, and she and I hit it off. Had a fun time chatting. Nice girl. Anyway, she asked me "So, you have a lot of friends you hang out with?" and I just LOL'ed!!!! Nope. Not at all. She couldn't believe it. "Your so fun, and chatty and comfortable. How can you NOT have a bunch of fun girlfriends?" and you know, I don't know. It's a matter of putting yourself there. She's family. She comes to a family function, you have plenty in common to talk about, and off you go. From there, I've no problem maintainng friendship.
I work with all men.
J's my best friend, so I don't feel the need to go out ALL the time.
I go to church, but leave right after service, so I don't connect with anyone.
And this one will sound snobby, but I really don't like Ty's friends mom's. In fact, TY doesn't like his friends or his friends mom's as much as he'd like. He's struggling to meet some kids with decent character and parents who supervise them and don't just sit on their arses's in front of the telly all evening long. It's pretty sad.
Andrea, I haven't one single good word of advice for you. I am in the same boat. But I wanted to let you know. I still think you and I ought to hook up one of these days. You don't live that far from me! Actually, I'll be in Denver every single evening around Nov 9th and a few days after. Ty's going to be in a program at the National Jewish Hosp and we'll be staying at the Ronald McDonald across the street. Evenings up there will be free, and I won't have Jas because he's getting ready to go on a really bad work schedule for a while (Wahhhhhh!!!!)
Let me know if you're interested!
It's not so much that I feel disconnent with my friendship circle but feel like I should be more involved at least once in awhile.
I did get an email from one of my friends who lives relatively close though and sounds like if you work full time, actually have a husband you want to spend time with, kids, etc, I'm not so unusual after all. Defintely email me once you know a definite scheduel though and we'll get together.
BTW,is Ty okay?
sounds like if you work full time, actually have a husband you want to spend time with, kids, etc, I'm not so unusual after all.
I find this to be very true!!!
I do have a few friends here, but I met them all thru Shane and when push comes to shove, if I were to split with him for any reason, who would they be loyal to? Not me, of course. They were his friends first. And still are. He has so many guys that he is friends with independent of me. My pre-wedding celebration consisted of me and another girl. My friends from home backed out and said they were too broke to come. His party was packed with guys. So you can imagine how special I felt when I heard how successful his party was as opposed to mine. I felt like no one wanted to be there for me.
So don't think you're a loser. You aren't.
If you were near me, I'd hang with ya!
Hugs,
Mel
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I'll be in touch to make sure we get together. I'll need something to look forward to, becaues that's going to be a LONG week!
Ty's good. This is some extensive allergy/asthma testing. And more importantly, counseling and teaching about self responsiblity for health, and peer group work. They are big on treating the WHOLE person there. Not just the disease symptoms. And he's got chronic sinus infections that I am hoping will be taken care of somehow. Ty's really been struggling with his emotions. Being different. Taking so many med's. Med side affects (we think some of Attention deficit comes from taht, and I am looking forward to getting some answers) and such. We are looking forward to the help for sure, but it's going to be exhausting. I'll be leaving him there for the day, commuting back to the Springs for work, and back for the evening. How far are you from downtown Denver?
About a month ago, I had an emotional breakdown with my boyfriend because I came to realize I have practically NO friends!!!
I'm 23...I have my daughter only half the week (her father has her the other half)...I should be out, dancing, going to movies, having an awesome time!!!! And I don't. Not as often as I was anyway!
I've never had A LOT of friends...but I always had a few close girlfriends...who knew people, who knew people...so I was always around a lot of people. But, last year, my one girlfriend moved to Florida (I live in NJ) and my other close girlfriend just started NYU this fall. She's in NY half the week, and working the other half...so I do get to see her once a week, or every two weeks, but when I talk to her, I hear about all of her new friends that she's making in NY and hanging out with during the week. And my boyfriend NEVER has problems finding things to do when I'm not around! His cell phone rings at least two or three times a night (he always ignores it though...he's good like that). My one other close friend, a guy, is now who my boyfriend is living with....(that's how he and I met)...so...usually, if I'm not with my boyfriend, he and his roomate are out together....what do I do with that?????
I'm happy that everyone I know is able to make friends...but how come I can't???? I don't know ANY other single moms (and all the married moms I know don't want to do the things I want to do), and the people I work with...well, I just don't have much in common with them. I have no idea where to go or what to do to make new friends...and it's starting to really bother me that I know if my boyfriend's out....whether I have my daughter that night or not...I'm staying home with a book...which is nice sometimes...sometimes I do want to do that...but on the nights that I don't...well, I don't really have other options anyway....
So yeah...I'm on board with you guys!!!!
Hugs to all,
Shelley