FUN discussion - from Oprah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
FUN discussion - from Oprah
5
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 7:02pm
This was on the Oprah show yesterday and I have cut and pasted a segment from her site at www.oprah.com. The book authors mentioned below have a new book. I think there is some validity to this - for finding the right one - if you are "his right one" then he will treat you right and if you are not he won't.

In their new book, He's Just Not That Into You, Greg and Liz have written a set of new dating standards for women. They want women to raise the bar for themselves.

Standard-Raising Suggestions

I will not go out with a man who:

(a) Keeps me waiting by the phone

(b) Is not sure he wants to date me

(c) Makes me feel sexually undesirable

(d) Drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable

(e) Fears talking about our future

(f) Is married

I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me or who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.

Liberating Vocabulary

Friend: A person who is your pal. What it generally means in relationships is he's just not that into you.

Busy: Busy means I'm the President of the United States. I'm an astronaut and I'm on another planet. I'm in a really successful band. What it means in relationships is, yeah, I'm just not that into you.

Bad boy: A bad boy is just a bad boy. Stay away. If you're dating somebody that's a bad boy, that's just your fault. If you say "my boyfriend's kind of a bad boy," I feel bad for you. If you say, "I like bad boys" well, then I don't feel bad for you. If you say, "I like things that don't work." Okay, good for you. Generally, guys with low self-esteem aren't worth the trouble. They're just not.

The Dog Pound

Question: So how do you screen for dogs? Answer: You just don't let him be a dog. Your standards are so high you don't let him be a dog. You can't be played if you're not playing. What I want to say that is so key for everybody to get. Nobody—even if a dog has been a dog. He has been head of the pound. Head of the dog pound. If he meets the right person, he will change his dog pound ways. He just will.

Question: How can I tell if he thinks I'm worth it? Answer: If the guy thinks you're worth it, he will do whatever is necessary if he thinks you're worth it. All the guys are nodding. Because he raised the bar and he wants to raise the bar to meet you where you are, if he thinks you're worth it. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. He's just not that into you. And you—we all—should have another standard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:00pm

I loved that book!!


I bought it the day it came out, read it in two days (no easy feat in my house) and told my BF to kiss my ____ the next week.

Kim

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:18pm
Sounds like it was a great discussion. And sad sad sad that so many women DON'T "get it" and push to keep the "unkeepables".
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:31pm
I sure grok that today. When you decide they're just "not that into you"...time to let it go...

On raising the bar. That's interesting. I think this week I decided I don't so much want a "strong" man (although if I find one, he will be) as I want to BE strong myself. Hence the karate classes...

I think this is happening some now, actually. Women raising the bar. I hear a lot of women say that men can't handle it, and lots of men can't do the necessary "pull up"....too bad isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 1:04am
There is a quote that I just love...I forget who wrote it, but I will give it a try. "Why is it we get so offended by not being offered something we do not want." I think us women will sometimes settle for less than we deserve for many different reasons. Usually if they are not all that interested then there was something missing. We might think we are asking for too much. For example, I just got rid of my BF,for other reasons, but he never told me I was pretty or looked nice. I was thinking, "I know I am an attractive woman, why do I need reassurance for him." It isn't the reassurance that I want, it was just I wanted to feel wanted by him. Too much to ask for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 6:48am
You are so right. And no, it is not too much to ask for. I think we have to wait for the Mr. Right that sees us as Mrs. Right - that is how you get the golden treatment. Unfortunately we all hesitate to realize that we have no control over this and patience is in order.