Funny OLD profile humor

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Funny OLD profile humor
6
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 11:02pm

Occasionally I come across some things in the profile that make me laugh. Or shake my head.

These were funny to share:

Hurry to round 3?
This one is separated - and this is what he writes, "it is difficult not to sound like I am bragging but friends say I am a handsome, caring guy. I am once divorced and now almost twice divorced. My first marriage gave me 3 wonderful children. I treat my partner with respect and love, and am giving almost to a fault I am told. I work as an oncologist, and know that life is too short for game playing. I am looking for a sweet, sincere woman who is not into game playing and wants to be with a man who will treat her with respect and unconditional love. She should be easy going, and love children."

Comment on height:
'm 5"5" tall and five hundred pounds, built like a bowling ball...ready to roll..lol...Take me on long romantic rolls on the beach or your local bowling alley...lol...not really (see pictures)...Actually I'm 6'4" and 220 pounds, reading some of these personals as to how tall the women want their perfect match to be, that would put me about one inch to tall...Oh..well I guess I'm not perfect!

Would you eat the same thing 4X a week?
Edamame; sashimi; nigiri - four times a week and I'm a happy guy!

This is hard; and who wants to be seen doing yoga on the beach(yes this is narcissist)?
And I've dedicated myself to my training regimen: M/W/F 6 mile bike ride and 4 sets of calisthenics, T/TH weighted vest 8 flights stair climbs, Weekends yoga on the beach. It's such an invigorating charge to work through a demanding workout...
(6 miles on the bike takes like 20 minutes!! What would he say to the one my coach has for Sunday which is a 3 hour bike in Z3 heart rate zone with a 30 minute hard run afterwards?)

Okay and so who isn't looking for this?
My perfect match will be looking for a "keeper" as I am.
(this one is a widower so it is actually sad - but all of us are looking for keepers, right?)

Ya think?
I am looking for a real match, and think my 10 year old daughter would make a relationship difficult with someone who doesn't dig children.

? Was this a memo?
If there are any other questions referencing this, please email me and I will attempt to answer them.

What is this?
I am loking for a good Proverbs 31 women
(I actually googled that term and it was scary - you can't work and you have to cook and sew - scary!)

Well, don't piss this one off:
Hello, and thanks for stopping by. I am a man who was raised to be polite to everybody until they give a reason to treat them otherwise...
(that could be subjective, right?)

Hope you enjoyed the laughs!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 3:04am

LOL - thanks for the laughs, Judy.


I would NEXT them all, except perhaps the bowling ball guy, who seems like he has a good sense of humour!


Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 7:35am

And this one sounds like a relationship contract - on HIS terms:

If you have an ounce of imagination you can contact me its all in the name. Describe myself and my perfect match. Hold on a few min. warming up the magic eight ball, crystal ball/lava light. Where did I put those tarrot cards. I'm a fairly simple(Not Dumb) easy to please , easy to talk to type of person. Maybe to easy going for my own good. Folks take nice for weak. They find out that lesson to late though even if I tell them upfront like this. I believe in proper rest/sleep.Always being on time. Tardiness shows disrespect. I believe in sharing everything other wise it is one sided and onesided brings on rebellion. If you can never please someone stop trying. I love animals in general. I always toss the fish back. My friends have wanted to kill me for that one but we have some great pictures. Me or them in the water...lol. I'm a warm and attentive person and expect the same. If life has to come to you it might pass you by. I love movies even the bad ones don't ask me why it is just one of those things, I love Football , my dogs , sushi , big smiles , long hair . Romantic until not returned. I never take anything for granted. Good kisser , nothing worse than a bad kisser. In a nut shell if you have no problems with dogs , like football or can at least let me do my thing 16 Sundays a year, Like the water and boats . We can get along. I really hate shopping of any kind. Lets talk/meet ...good luck in your search.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 7:36am

I am on a roll:

"Looking for a woman who sees through the clutter and inspires me to be a better man."

(at 47 I don't think he is going to learn to pick up his clutter!)

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 9:27am

Not only that, but I never like it when people need inspiration to be better- and think they can find that inspiration through another person.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 9:38am

Wherever you Googled wanted to focus on the hand-made crafts and ignore the parts that don't fit in with their "keep the woman at home" culture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 10:18am

I am so curious - what is your interpretation of that? I had never heard of it before. I guess I was gunshy after all the FLDS stuff we have been reading with the polygamy and stuff.

Is it good? Bad? Or you better ask because it could be either?

Where do these guys come up with all this stuff.

BTW - this was a "gomer" who is 52 and never married no kids who attends bible missions and wants a partner for that. Nothing wrong with that - just would not be ME!! LOL!!