Gear 1 and communicating...
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| Tue, 03-11-2008 - 10:17am |
Ok, so here is the scoop. C and I had a conversation the night before about how I wanted him to date other people. That didn't end too well. He wanted to sign off from chatting pretty quickly after I told him that. Last night he contacted me and said he really needs to talk to me. He said, he felt the conversation the night before didn't end well. That he is glad that I took the time to email him afterwards and that he understands where I am coming from. He also said he just isn't the type to date more then one person and that he is so comfortable with me, but he really doesn't want to explore that further, but if that is what I really want, he'll try but can't promise. I just told him I wanted the door to be open for him. I told him I felt like I didn't want to analyze and hypothesis the whole thing any further, because I really can't tell him what i think he is thinking or ready for. I told him I am in a different point in my life and had different circumstances and that the only way I can try to understand where he is at in his life,

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I don't think you are being negative... I DO think you are being realistic (and I'm glad you are!)
I'm VERY glad you are taking things slow, Cat! And I'm glad that you are not letting him decide the speed of things- as it seems like he might be in a slight rush to be involved... and not even realizing that he COULD be using you as that emotional band-aid. It's something he could be doing, and not intentionally. That wouldn't be fair to either one of you.
Also- I'm glad that you are not trying too hard to be his Healer, and I hope he isn't leaning too much on you for that (and mistaking that connection as "love"). So he needs someone like you right now, to help him heal (and someone to talk to about the feelings)- but you don't want to be too much 'the one who helps heal' because once he is more finished with the healing... will he still need/want you? It happens- that people come together and they help each other get over their respective divorces... and once the healing is done -they find that the connection is no longer needed anymore. So that's another reason to go slow- because you never know what his feelings might be once he's had a chance to talk things out with his own grieving process. And at just 7-weeks post... we ALL know he hasn't finished with grieving yet. So while this could be the start of something very grounded and strong... it could also be just the transitional friendship/relationship tht helps him through a tough time. You never know... and all the reason to go slow and see how things pan out over time.
I don't like calling him the Widower, either! We all know he has to be MUCH more than just that- and it just sounds like such a negative nickname. I know that's all we had to start with, but now I'm all for changing it, too! I'll have to remember that if you mention "C" or "TG"... then that's who you're talking about.
Have fun on your outing together! (is it a date or not?? auughhh on all that)
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I agree with shrimpychimps.
This is a very good point, Shrimps.
One thing I was thinking of Cat, while I was riding, is his kids. Because they are probably not nearly over the passing of their mom, and if they caught wind of this, could get upset. And that would tend to have a negative impact on everyone's feelings. Maybe just something to help keep both of you slow - and give him more to think about so he doesn't come on too strong.
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