Getting back "out there"--by myself???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Getting back "out there"--by myself???
15
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 7:17pm

Hi all, is it just me, or does anyone else out there feel kinda wierd going by yourself to a club? Or a sportsbar? Am I just Old Fashioned (my best friend says NOT!), but what IS IT w/me? It takes a glass of wine to get me motivated to do it...and I don't have friends who want to go out (all married w/kids...) I wish I could just get used to it already!!! Does anyone else feel the same way? I don't have much time to myself, so when I do, I like to try to "get out" and meet new people... I feel like a big fraidy cat and I'm over 40!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 7:30pm

I know exactly how you feel!! I would not go to a bar by myself and it is hard to meet single women my age - most are married and would never go out like that.

I have managed to befriend anyone single who will go out - babysitters, their friends, other single friends, even married friends that will all go out in a group to a restaurant. I am always looking to get out of my house!!

I think you just have to keep your eyes open everywhere you go and strike up conversation and make new friends. This can have a snowball effect. Of course it helps to have some interests - like working out, hobbies, etc.

Just the other day I talked to my dentist's assistant - she had no wedding ring. I asked her if she has kids and if she is alone with them - and she said yes. And then I asked her where she goes to go out and she goes out with a friend to some neat places.

Of course if you really want to go out and you are by yourself you can go to the food court in the mall and then to the movies - at least you won't be sitting home alone!! The bookstore is also a great place to go alone - get dressed nice and then sit in the coffee area with a good book.

Where there is a will, there is a way!! Good luck and keep us posted!!

(Edited to add: I think it is important to get out as much as you can so you boost your whole demeanor and self esteem - I think you just carry yourself differently when you feel you are getting out and doing fun things. This is more my intention than just to meet someone. I don't feel like a dudley single mom anymore - rather like a super person!!)




Edited 7/6/2005 7:44 pm ET ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:59pm

Hello,

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I'm a young single mom, and don't have much time to myself either. So when I do i like to get out there. I'm very shy, and i don't really have any friends. My life surrounds around my daughter, family, and college. Anyway, last month i went to the Coleman Hawkins Festival here in town, and had a really great time. The thing that got me really into it, and had me forget that i was by myself, was it was something i really enjoy. Try getting out there and doing something that really interests you. Hey if you get really into it, you may meet someone that has similar interests. Hope this helps you. Good Luck!

Yasmari

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 12:18pm

I would not go to a club or sportsbar by myself. I made that mistake one time. I went to a local pub to grab a beer (i'm not a big drinker). I went very early at around 7 PM. I wanted to get in and out before the night crowd showed up and the band started playing.

While I was there, I got hit on by some creepy guy. Two different couples (man with a woman) tried to pick up on me. And, some man across the bar ordered a beer for me. I was there for less than 2 hours.

I think if you're a woman, alone at the bar, people will have the wrong idea about you. They think you're out to get laid. Also, I avoid drinking alone. I makes me feel lonely.

There are lots of great places that you can go alone. When I didn't have a boyfriend, I joined a social club in my area (not a dating club). We'd meet at least once a month at different restaurants and try them out. You only had to pay for your own food. That was cool. If I didn't do the dinner thing, I would have been sitting alone on a Saturday night and wanting something to do.

Signing up for classes is another great way to get out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 9:49am

Oh boy, I can so relate to what you wrote. Im a 34 yo divorced mother of two children (15 and 11) Their father and I have joint custody, so we each have them 50% of the time..This leaves me with a lot of time on my hands...

Most of my friends are married and are over the going out stage. Im not really into the club/bar scene too much, but I realize that I have to get myself out there to meet people.

I usually just go to work, go to gym, then home and log onto the computer or watch TV. Thankfully, I have been going to the gym quite a bit recently, and I can not express enough, how beneficial the work out is to my overall well-being. I have more energy than I have ever had and really am starting to feel quite confident with myself. So much so, that I just posted a profile on Match.com. Im pretty nervous about it, but am looking forward to dating again and have already received a few nice e-mails.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 11:00pm

Hi,

Have not been here in a long time. Just had to add my two cents. I too am a single mom, age 45. Stayed away from dating for 3 years, last bf abusive. So I started meeting guys online. Beware, alot r looking for sex and FWB, but I have made a few friends. I don't see anything wrong with going to a bar by yourself. Sit at a table instead of the bar. I'm lucky, I have a gf that is the lead singer in her own band, so I go see her play and I got to know everyone in the band. I ask friends to go with me, from my hair dresser, to the girl I met working as a cashier where I get my gas at. You just have to get out there. I don't even worry about meeting a guy. I have fun watching my gf sing.

The Unicorn

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 7:27am

stay away from the bar scene but try places like these:

fitness center

www.meetic.com it's a site that has interests for everyone in your area and will keep you busy

evening classes, such as golf, building home-do-it, language or mechanics. ;-)Doesn't hurt to learn and you meet men. I don't want to feel so hopeless.

Volunteering. For instance the American Heart and/or Cancer Association or March of dimes. Volunteer for charity events or things in your community. You do good for others and you meet great people.

Visit Art Galleries.

And then you can always get involved in Church. Not something I do, but I know quite a few that do and enjoy it.

And of course OLD. That is a time consumption, to say the least.

The options are WIDE open, you just have to think creative. I plan on doing some of those things if I ever find the time. I have my kids 24/7, so that makes it all a bit harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 7:34pm

Thanks for all your helpful information. I will definately try some of those. BTW, when I do go out to my local pub..it is usually to meet up w/my friends who work there, and the bartenders all know me. So, I'm usually not sitting there alone for too long.
I have never joined a gym before, that sounds like something interesting to do. Maybe I'll try it when I can get a free two-week trial or something...
I can't take night classes, as I have a special needs child, and I have to be here at home, so that limits the times I can go anywhere... and when I do have a night off, it sometimes ends early, because the same child wants to come home from her dad's early (he's not very good w/the kids, so I have to be prepared to come home at a moment's notice).

Thanks again everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 11:09pm

Wow - you do have a challenge with being able to get out. Hopefully you can be creative with other time - like going out to lunch in professional places? I wonder if you can do more with your kids outside of the house - just to get out? You never know where SO will be.

Stay here and participate with us!! We are glad to have you!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 12:22am

Thanks Judy,

Those are some more great ideas...

I will post more as things develop! Went to my 25 (!) yr H.S. Reunion last night...no long lost bf though! Oh well!

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 5:28pm

I too feel the same way most of my friends are married also.

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